to think starting a relationship with a parent is inappropriate?

My opinion:

• It's ok for him to see her.
• He should not have brought her in to your DD's lives yet.
• He should not have brought her into the nesting house at all. Not ok.
• Not an employer situation.

OP has clarified that a bit more

When I posted it was just "we share the house between us"

Where did she get your phone number from? If that came from nursery records then yes you should report her.

It is her home, they’re sharing for the kids but it’s still her home. He should have more respect and so should the teacher.

This happened in a nursery I worked at but whilst the child was still attending. Nothing could be done about it because there wasn't any policy about it at the time. There was one put in afterwards as it actually got quite messy!

And I wouldn't report her - she sounds naieve but she's not the issue - it's his obligation to be protecting his kids feelings so the responsibility lies with him

I think you need to have a sit down with your ex and agree some boundaries. Obviously you're both going to move on and that involves dating but in order for your "nesting" thing to work in the best interests of the girls there has to be ground rules.

You're absolutely spot on about the risk not just being about who the person is but it's how serious the relationship is and what that will feel like for the girls when women or men are coming into their lives and making lots of effort and then just leaving them again when the relationship ends. It's not fair.

I think you both need to try to come to an agreement that you don't involve your children on dates for a number of months and you don't bring other people to the girls family home even when they're not there.

I'd look to separate fully and forget the idea of nesting. It sounds like it's maybe worked as a transition and now you've outgrown it. I would also try to reinforce that this is about trying to be cautious because you want to be able to keep working together for the girls.

I personally wouldn't report her. Your husband is irresponsible, introducing his girlfriends to the children so quickly. The nesting arrangement should end as quickly as possible and you should start to create more distance between you and your ex. Sell the house and get everything separated completely and only text about the children.

You sounded like a very well balanced person and much more grown up than your ex op.

He is determined to ruin any decent relationship between the two of you, putting himself before his children.
Another foolish selfish man.

The rules about dating and education staff apply to students, not parents or other family members.

If it was an affair and the staff member knew the parents were still together then there may be a ‘damaging the employees reputation’ issue - but as you’ve said you already split up it’s not even that.

Yes, many would see it as tasteless but there are no rules against tasteless.

Talking to daughter in playground. Very common and likely does same to plenty of other ex pre school pupils when see them. Our nursery staff certainly do.

Nesting wise - sounds time for some ground rules for both of you (even if you don’t think you’d ever consider not following them). Eg. No overnight adult guests on the premises.

Even if the child was still at the preschool it would still be allowed. I’ve known teachers be in relationships with parents. She’s done nothing wrong with regards to her job. You might think it’s odd, but there’s no rule against it.

Thought this was going to be another topic there for a second. A bit relieved.

Sounds like this sharing the family home thing no longer works OP..it's going to be too weird for the bairns.

Time for the table talks and thrash out another agreement.

I think you need to completely separate your living arrangements and also you need to stop messaging her.

If he has been seeing her over the summer and your daughter left preschool in July then it sounds as if they have conveniently timed things to avoid any conflict of interest there and I suspect there isn’t anything her employer can (or will) do about it.

Urgh your ex has made it so messy, blurred so many boundaries

Ultimately with school your going to have to suck it up. The preschool worker hasn't actually done anything wrong dating your ex or saying hello to children - tbh it would be weird and horrible if she ignored them.

I do agree she shouldn't have been introduced as daddy's friend until at least 6 months but most men are twats.

The nesting isn't working when he has stomped all over your boundries, not considered your feelings bringing a gf into a joint home etc. Nesting only works if both parents are respectable

I think the fact that the children know her is all the more reason to wait. They will of course become attached very quickly and then ultimately be very upset if the relationship doesn’t work out. They have both done the wrong thing morally, but I can’t see why you would need to involve her place of work. Her relationship has nothing to do with them. She hasn’t done anything illegal. I think her workplace would just think you’re mad.

This would be a reason to wait longer for them to spend time together in my view as the children will born with her much quicker and it will be harder if the relationship doesn’t run the course.
However apart from her coming over recently I don’t think she’s really doing anything wrong by dating a man who is the father of a past attendee

It's just so depressing to keep reading on here instances where parents, and I have to say it's nearly always men, put their desire for a relationship ahead of what is in the best interests of their children.
It seems to happen so often

This is one of the most selfish instances I have read though. The children are dealing with a new reality of separated parents and it's now (through no fault of yours OP) encroaching on their school life too.

You are so well rid of such a selfish man

Just to echo other posters to say this is not in your children’s interests. Nesting is a really good way to minimise impact on children of parent’s separating but your ex has trashed that. I disagree with the person above who says it’s not your home - the family home is the children’s home where the parents devote their share of the care to putting them children first - not their own relationships. The comment about not waiting 6 months because the children already know their pre-school teacher is just plain silly and ill informed - your children know her as a teacher and a change in her role is massive, it’s more significant than if she was a stranger. She may well not be breaching a code of conduct but it’s not a child centred way to carry on.

Tricky, it's reprehensible but I'm not sure her employers have the power to act once your child has left the pre school (timing makes me wonder if it had been going on longer than you know, and they specifically waited for that point before going public).

Perhaps more to the point, if you report her you will be taking the nuclear option with regards to your relationship with your ex, I'd imagine that will be the bitter end of amicable parenting and nesting. So it also depends if you think that's worth it.

They also need to consider the impact on the children if the relationship fails & they have to continue to see the teacher at school. How confusing that could be.

It's wholly inappropriate, selfish and very unprofessional of the teacher. I'm not surprised you're angry, OP.

They’re both saying that the usual 6 months don’t apply because she already knows the girls. But this isn’t the point, as I understand it, waiting isn’t just to suss out if the new person is ok, it’s to see what’s going to happen with the relationship before the children get attached and then disappointed.

Totally agree with you OP. The issue isn’t that you’re bothered who your ex sees as such but more the impact on the kids of an immediate introduction. I’m very surprised that neither the teacher nor your ex have considered this aspect at all. Feels like the dads generally just are more self-serving whilst the mother is the opposite 😐.

You've only been separated/divorced for a year and he's introduced two women into your kids life already, and he's done so in their family home?

And he thinks this is ok? WOW.

As for the preschool teacher, I can't wrap my head around how she could possibly think this was acceptable or going to end well 🤦🏼‍♀️