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AIBU?

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Original poster

Shitty message aimed at me in school WhatsApp group chat

164 replies

Dannii93 · 02/09/2025 17:52

I’ve been working today so my DH did the pick up.

I received a notification that I’d been tagged in the school Mum’s WhatsApp group. For transparency, I’ve copied it here:

“@(me) and @(another Mum) if your husbands want to comment on Miss X’s TITS then I suggest they do so when other parents are not in earshot!!!”

The other Mum saw this before I did and replied to say she had no idea what she is on about but would have appreciated a message privately.

The reply:

“I think you need to reflect on what type of men you have settled for as they are disgusting!”

Anyway, I sent on to DH to ask what on earth happened. He said a Dad he was stood waiting with asked him if he had seen our DS’s new teacher. DH said no as he didn’t do the morning drop off. The Dad basically replied something along the lines of you’ll be in for a treat as she has massive tits and before DH could reply, a Mum who overheard (not the one who sent the messages above) snapped at him to shut up.

AIBU to find the Mum completely out of order to have sent those messages? She has an absolute cheek to say what she has about me needing to ‘reflect’ and it’s rich coming from someone who is a single bloody Mum herself!

OP posts:
Digdongdoo · 02/09/2025 18:16

Dannii93 · 02/09/2025 18:16

The comment was clearly inappropriate but some of the stuff I’ve heard Mum’s say about male teachers go way beyond that, so let’s not pretend it doesn’t go on.

My DH was an innocent bystander and I didn’t deserve to be lectured from someone like her.

Someone like her? What does that mean?

Original poster
Dannii93 · 02/09/2025 18:16

The comment was clearly inappropriate but some of the stuff I’ve heard Mum’s say about male teachers go way beyond that, so let’s not pretend it doesn’t go on.

My DH was an innocent bystander and I didn’t deserve to be lectured from someone like her.

OP posts:
IllBeLookingAtTheMoon · 02/09/2025 18:16

This thread is really real everyone

CherrieTomaties · 02/09/2025 18:15

Dannii93 · 02/09/2025 18:08

My DH would never, he isn’t that sort of man.

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‘Course he isn’t 😂😂

7372RR · 02/09/2025 18:15

Dannii93 · 02/09/2025 18:06

The poll is comfortably YANBU so I am glad I posted (I obviously didn’t mean to offend the single mums on here!)

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Who did you mean to offend then with that stupid last line?

And you have NO IDEA why some of us are single mums so keep your patronising opinions to yourself.

Maybe some of us have a higher bar than YOU and won't put up with sexist, misogynists and have decided we want better for our children than them growing up hearing shite like your H no doubt said about the teacher.

OhNoNotSusan · 02/09/2025 18:14

i dont agree with you op.
that is very mean comment to make about her being a single mum. it is totally irrelevant to the conversation between the two dads.

Firefly100 · 02/09/2025 18:14

Dear school mum, husbands details are husband@whatsapp, please feel free to contact him directly. I think you also need to reflect on your behaviour of trying to hold women to account for men’s alleged actions (yes alleged but I’ll leave it to him to clarify if you need it)

Funsummerfun · 02/09/2025 18:14

MotherofPufflings · 02/09/2025 18:01

I think I'd message her privately and ask her exactly what she heard your husband say. And then clarify that it wasn't him that said it.

Actually, if this isn't (yet another) wind up post, then this is an excellent suggestion.

HelpMeUnpickThis · 02/09/2025 18:13

Dannii93 · 02/09/2025 17:52

I’ve been working today so my DH did the pick up.

I received a notification that I’d been tagged in the school Mum’s WhatsApp group. For transparency, I’ve copied it here:

“@(me) and @(another Mum) if your husbands want to comment on Miss X’s TITS then I suggest they do so when other parents are not in earshot!!!”

The other Mum saw this before I did and replied to say she had no idea what she is on about but would have appreciated a message privately.

The reply:

“I think you need to reflect on what type of men you have settled for as they are disgusting!”

Anyway, I sent on to DH to ask what on earth happened. He said a Dad he was stood waiting with asked him if he had seen our DS’s new teacher. DH said no as he didn’t do the morning drop off. The Dad basically replied something along the lines of you’ll be in for a treat as she has massive tits and before DH could reply, a Mum who overheard (not the one who sent the messages above) snapped at him to shut up.

AIBU to find the Mum completely out of order to have sent those messages? She has an absolute cheek to say what she has about me needing to ‘reflect’ and it’s rich coming from someone who is a single bloody Mum herself!

@Dannii93 you last sentences about her being a single mum is horrific.

Lost me there.

The whole lot of you sound crazy.

5128gap · 02/09/2025 18:12

I'd be furious with my husband if I were you. He stood there and said nothing while the other guy made disgusting remarks about a woman. Unluckily for you he was clocked by a woman who didn't respond in the optimum way, and in her attempt to defend one woman, she has embarrassed two others. This is unfortunate, but you shouldn't let that divert attention from who caused this. And if your husband really was an innocent bystander, he can always respond that he was just as disgusted by the other man as she was, and had no part in it. Couldn't he?

Letsgoroundagainnow · 02/09/2025 18:12

Dannii93 · 02/09/2025 18:05

He is alive. And as my DH put it when I got home she’s probably bitter she can’t get any one else so gets her kicks out of pulling stunts like this!

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You can’t be serious posting this?

Why would she be bitter about your DH? Is he really such a catch?

LegoTherapy · 02/09/2025 18:12

namechangedforvalidreasons · 02/09/2025 17:53

Was right with ya til the final line. Is this a wind-up?

Yep.

SemperIdem · 02/09/2025 18:12

BunnyLake · 02/09/2025 18:09

So is it always the woman’s fault if she’s a single mum? I’m a single mum so I’d be interested in knowing what it is that I did to deserve that, as it appears to be my fault and not my ex’s.

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Don’t worry, the op has clarified that she didn’t want to offend “the single mums on here” with her snide little comments, just that one specific mum 🤨

heroinechic · 02/09/2025 18:11

I didn’t vote because whilst I think she was being unreasonable to not message privately, she really isn’t being unreasonable to be irritated by the pervs at the school gate.

Re your comment about her being a single mum, perhaps she reflected on her choice and realised that he fell below her standards?

I’d be pretty embarrassed if my DH was engaged in a conversation like that tbh.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 02/09/2025 18:11

Dannii93 · 02/09/2025 18:05

He is alive. And as my DH put it when I got home she’s probably bitter she can’t get any one else so gets her kicks out of pulling stunts like this!

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Well, while if the story played out exactly as he said it did, he hasn't done anything wrong. However his comment about her being 'bitter' (why? Because she's single? Is she meant to be jealous of the fine upstanding chaps you ladies are married to?!) does him no favours whatsoever, and makes it feel a little more likely to me that he did in fact participate more than he is admitting to.

Assuming the two dads are friends, I'm amazed the other would say something so totally inappropriate to someone he didn't know was likely to be receptive.

Rightandwrong · 02/09/2025 18:11

250mlmax · 02/09/2025 18:07

It works all ways though doesn't it? OP and the other mum are no more responsible for their DHs' comments than victims are responsible for their abuse.

It just sounds like some woman on her moral high horse trying to publicly shame other women for something that's nothing to do with them. She's out of order.

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I didnt say OP was responsible for her H's sexist behaviour.
It was OP being so judgemental about single mothers that annoyed me. She was blaming the women for their choice of men.

PinkArt · 02/09/2025 18:11

Dannii93 · 02/09/2025 18:08

My DH would never, he isn’t that sort of man.

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He is the sort of man to say 'she’s probably bitter she can’t get any one else' though. So whether he commented on the teacher's breasts or not we know he's misogynistic.

Funsummerfun · 02/09/2025 18:11

namechangedforvalidreasons · 02/09/2025 17:53

Was right with ya til the final line. Is this a wind-up?

This

tigger1001 · 02/09/2025 18:10

250mlmax · 02/09/2025 18:07

It works all ways though doesn't it? OP and the other mum are no more responsible for their DHs' comments than victims are responsible for their abuse.

It just sounds like some woman on her moral high horse trying to publicly shame other women for something that's nothing to do with them. She's out of order.

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Agreed. The women are not to blame and are not responsible for the men's comments.

I agree the comments are inappropriate but that's something to take up with them not call out their partners on

ChangeNamesAtLeastOnceAWeek · 02/09/2025 18:09

Dannii93 · 02/09/2025 18:08

My DH would never, he isn’t that sort of man.

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He is.... that's why the other man approached him and said it.... they always spot each other.....

BunnyLake · 02/09/2025 18:09

Dannii93 · 02/09/2025 17:58

My point is don’t preach to others about how they need to reflect on their choice of men when your own choice is so brilliant you are no longer together!

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So is it always the woman’s fault if she’s a single mum? I’m a single mum so I’d be interested in knowing what it is that I did to deserve that, as it appears to be my fault and not my ex’s.

tigger1001 · 02/09/2025 18:08

Iansavestheday · 02/09/2025 18:02

Someone did - perhaps not the one who sent the message, but someone told him to shut up

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True. But felt the need to pull up their partners for the behaviour. In a public way. No need for that.

im so glad my kids are way past the class/school WhatsApp and it wasn't really a thing at the time either.

Original poster
Dannii93 · 02/09/2025 18:08

KilkennyCats · 02/09/2025 18:07

Maybe he was no worse than the one you appear to be saddled with, commenting on their young child’s teacher’s tits at the school gates.
You’ve got yourself a right charmer there.

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My DH would never, he isn’t that sort of man.

OP posts:
KilkennyCats · 02/09/2025 18:07

Dannii93 · 02/09/2025 17:58

My point is don’t preach to others about how they need to reflect on their choice of men when your own choice is so brilliant you are no longer together!

Show quote history

Maybe he was no worse than the one you appear to be saddled with, commenting on their young child’s teacher’s tits at the school gates.
You’ve got yourself a right charmer there.

nellly · 02/09/2025 18:07

Dannii93 · 02/09/2025 18:05

He is alive. And as my DH put it when I got home she’s probably bitter she can’t get any one else so gets her kicks out of pulling stunts like this!

Show quote history

Yea I’m calling it, your ‘D’H is as guilty as sin he sounds like a twat lol I’d rather be single than with someone like that