Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shitty message aimed at me in school WhatsApp group chat

164 replies

Dannii93 · 02/09/2025 17:52

I’ve been working today so my DH did the pick up.

I received a notification that I’d been tagged in the school Mum’s WhatsApp group. For transparency, I’ve copied it here:

“@(me) and @(another Mum) if your husbands want to comment on Miss X’s TITS then I suggest they do so when other parents are not in earshot!!!”

The other Mum saw this before I did and replied to say she had no idea what she is on about but would have appreciated a message privately.

The reply:

“I think you need to reflect on what type of men you have settled for as they are disgusting!”

Anyway, I sent on to DH to ask what on earth happened. He said a Dad he was stood waiting with asked him if he had seen our DS’s new teacher. DH said no as he didn’t do the morning drop off. The Dad basically replied something along the lines of you’ll be in for a treat as she has massive tits and before DH could reply, a Mum who overheard (not the one who sent the messages above) snapped at him to shut up.

AIBU to find the Mum completely out of order to have sent those messages? She has an absolute cheek to say what she has about me needing to ‘reflect’ and it’s rich coming from someone who is a single bloody Mum herself!

OP posts:
Didimum · 02/09/2025 18:29

PrincessC0nsuelaBananaHammock · 02/09/2025 18:28

Oh FGS, MN doesn't hate men! I've been on here for over 20 years and all MN does is call out men's shitty behaviour. If that means MN hates men I'd suggest you may need to look at your low standards.

Show quote history

Thanks for your opinion? I have mine too. And my standards are sky high.

SaidAHipHopTheHippieToTheHippie · 02/09/2025 18:28

Dannii93 · 02/09/2025 18:19

Bloody hell I wish I never made the single Mum comment now! There’s nothing wrong with that, I respect people for leaving abusive situations. Obviously in some instances where that isn’t the reason then it’s just sad because it is the kids who are penalised by a broken home. Luckily I have picked wisely (so far!) with DH.

It’s fairly rare he does the school run given he’s often on business internationally with his position at a FTSE 100 firm, in hindsight I wish he was today!

Hilarious 😆😆😆👏👏👏

PrincessC0nsuelaBananaHammock · 02/09/2025 18:28

Didimum · 02/09/2025 18:22

Several things going on here.

No, OP. You should have made the single mum comment. But you are fuming (and yes, rightly so), so I think we should all let some things slide when we are fuming.

I’d have responded something like ‘Hi @X, why are you blaming a woman for a man’s behaviour?’

Other posters not believing your husband wasn’t involved – you know your DH best, and MN hates men, so make of that what you will. My DH was once caught up in something not dissimilar when a gross man made another comment to him. Before I knew it I had a few friend ‘warning me’ that my DH was inappropriate – little did they all know I was standing behind DH and the guy at the time without anyone knowing and heard the whole exchange. So! No, often gross men don’t care who they say gross things to because they are dumb as fuck.

Oh FGS, MN doesn't hate men! I've been on here for over 20 years and all MN does is call out men's shitty behaviour. If that means MN hates men I'd suggest you may need to look at your low standards.

B1anche · 02/09/2025 18:27

Dannii93 · 02/09/2025 18:19

Bloody hell I wish I never made the single Mum comment now! There’s nothing wrong with that, I respect people for leaving abusive situations. Obviously in some instances where that isn’t the reason then it’s just sad because it is the kids who are penalised by a broken home. Luckily I have picked wisely (so far!) with DH.

It’s fairly rare he does the school run given he’s often on business internationally with his position at a FTSE 100 firm, in hindsight I wish he was today!

😂😂😂😂

Didimum · 02/09/2025 18:27

7372RR · 02/09/2025 18:24

and MN hates men

that old trope, that gets men off actually ever listening to a woman's POV.

Change the record.

What a lot of us hate is misogyny.

You’ll find it’s very far from an uncommon opinion about MN.

No one here know the OP’s husband in the slightest.

If someone slagged me off to my kids WhatsApp class in error, I’d be venting whatever shitty things I could about them to my spouse too.

Blondebrownorred · 02/09/2025 18:27

What is the relevance of the FTSE 100 comment? I have a senior position at a FTSE 100 company as do probably loads of other mumsnetters. Not sure how that links to the rest of your story.

Travelodge · 02/09/2025 18:27

If (and only if) you are absolutely sure of the facts, I would find it hard not to reply with something like "It certainly sounds as if someone made a highly inappropriate comment, but it was not me and my DH says it was not him. When I want advice from you on how to choose a good partner, I’ll let you know. Perhaps you’d like to 'reflect' on that!"

Threelionsandalioness · 02/09/2025 18:27

nellly · 02/09/2025 18:07

Yea I’m calling it, your ‘D’H is as guilty as sin he sounds like a twat lol I’d rather be single than with someone like that

Show quote history

Agreed

SaidAHipHopTheHippieToTheHippie · 02/09/2025 18:26

You are both being unreasonable.
Why are you looking down on someone for being a single Mum? What’s wrong with you?
And she should have messaged your husbands not you. But I’m guessing she thought she’d get them in “Trouble“ telling you both.
She’s perfectly reasonable to get annoyed with what was said though.

Letsgoroundagainnow · 02/09/2025 18:26

Dannii93 · 02/09/2025 18:06

The poll is comfortably YANBU so I am glad I posted (I obviously didn’t mean to offend the single mums on here!)

Show quote history

It’s 50:50

TheBerMonths · 02/09/2025 18:25

I'd reply
You need to reflect on why you are holding women responsible for the actions of men.

PrincessC0nsuelaBananaHammock · 02/09/2025 18:24

@Dannii93 what was the point of this? - he’s often on business internationally with his position at a FTSE 100 firm

You just made yourself sound even more smug.

Ecrire · 02/09/2025 18:24

This poster has gone too far and jumped guns and sharks a little too soon. The poster will
learn and do better next time.

7372RR · 02/09/2025 18:24

and MN hates men

that old trope, that gets men off actually ever listening to a woman's POV.

Change the record.

What a lot of us hate is misogyny.

Stowawaysue · 02/09/2025 18:24

I often wonder about these Ops

Imagine your life being so… empty that you get your kicks from making up shit like this

you probably do have a genuine thread in you op… and it belongs on the Mental Health board

MemorableTrenchcoat · 02/09/2025 18:23

diddl · 02/09/2025 18:22

I wouldn't have thought it's the sort of thing you would say without knowing your audience...

Eh? Some blokes (and women, for that matter) will say stuff like that to anyone within earshot.

PinkArt · 02/09/2025 18:23

Dannii93 · 02/09/2025 18:19

Bloody hell I wish I never made the single Mum comment now! There’s nothing wrong with that, I respect people for leaving abusive situations. Obviously in some instances where that isn’t the reason then it’s just sad because it is the kids who are penalised by a broken home. Luckily I have picked wisely (so far!) with DH.

It’s fairly rare he does the school run given he’s often on business internationally with his position at a FTSE 100 firm, in hindsight I wish he was today!

Could you clarify which of the multiple insulting comments about single mums it is that you regret making?

CherrieTomaties · 02/09/2025 18:23

Dannii93 · 02/09/2025 18:19

Bloody hell I wish I never made the single Mum comment now! There’s nothing wrong with that, I respect people for leaving abusive situations. Obviously in some instances where that isn’t the reason then it’s just sad because it is the kids who are penalised by a broken home. Luckily I have picked wisely (so far!) with DH.

It’s fairly rare he does the school run given he’s often on business internationally with his position at a FTSE 100 firm, in hindsight I wish he was today!

So all kids from single parent households come from “broken homes?”

Jesus Christ you’re not making this any better for yourself.

Keep on digging the hole.

diddl · 02/09/2025 18:22

I wouldn't have thought it's the sort of thing you would say without knowing your audience...

SussexLass87 · 02/09/2025 18:22

Dannii93 · 02/09/2025 18:19

Bloody hell I wish I never made the single Mum comment now! There’s nothing wrong with that, I respect people for leaving abusive situations. Obviously in some instances where that isn’t the reason then it’s just sad because it is the kids who are penalised by a broken home. Luckily I have picked wisely (so far!) with DH.

It’s fairly rare he does the school run given he’s often on business internationally with his position at a FTSE 100 firm, in hindsight I wish he was today!

Broken home?

And why do we need to know he works for a FTSE100?

Sounds like a Daily Mail sad face article!

SallyD00lally · 02/09/2025 18:22

Ahh bless his innocent little socks.

Still, if she knew how you've spoken about single mothers, she would've been better off tagging him and suggesting he reflects on who he's settled on.

KilkennyCats · 02/09/2025 18:22

FTSE 100 firm 😁
Does he work for Tesco, op?

Didimum · 02/09/2025 18:22

Several things going on here.

No, OP. You should have made the single mum comment. But you are fuming (and yes, rightly so), so I think we should all let some things slide when we are fuming.

I’d have responded something like ‘Hi @X, why are you blaming a woman for a man’s behaviour?’

Other posters not believing your husband wasn’t involved – you know your DH best, and MN hates men, so make of that what you will. My DH was once caught up in something not dissimilar when a gross man made another comment to him. Before I knew it I had a few friend ‘warning me’ that my DH was inappropriate – little did they all know I was standing behind DH and the guy at the time without anyone knowing and heard the whole exchange. So! No, often gross men don’t care who they say gross things to because they are dumb as fuck.

Stowawaysue · 02/09/2025 18:22

Ok… op has just revealed herself as all nonsense

read her last paragraph about her dh.

You went too far op. You’ll know for next time

ilovesooty · 02/09/2025 18:22

Dannii93 · 02/09/2025 18:05

He is alive. And as my DH put it when I got home she’s probably bitter she can’t get any one else so gets her kicks out of pulling stunts like this!

Show quote history

I can't believe I just read that.