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AIBU?

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Original poster

Shitty message aimed at me in school WhatsApp group chat

164 replies

Dannii93 · 02/09/2025 17:52

I’ve been working today so my DH did the pick up.

I received a notification that I’d been tagged in the school Mum’s WhatsApp group. For transparency, I’ve copied it here:

“@(me) and @(another Mum) if your husbands want to comment on Miss X’s TITS then I suggest they do so when other parents are not in earshot!!!”

The other Mum saw this before I did and replied to say she had no idea what she is on about but would have appreciated a message privately.

The reply:

“I think you need to reflect on what type of men you have settled for as they are disgusting!”

Anyway, I sent on to DH to ask what on earth happened. He said a Dad he was stood waiting with asked him if he had seen our DS’s new teacher. DH said no as he didn’t do the morning drop off. The Dad basically replied something along the lines of you’ll be in for a treat as she has massive tits and before DH could reply, a Mum who overheard (not the one who sent the messages above) snapped at him to shut up.

AIBU to find the Mum completely out of order to have sent those messages? She has an absolute cheek to say what she has about me needing to ‘reflect’ and it’s rich coming from someone who is a single bloody Mum herself!

OP posts:
PatriciaHolm · 02/09/2025 18:59

:-)

Shitty message aimed at me in school WhatsApp group chat
minipie · 02/09/2025 18:59

Why did she @ you? Couldn’t she @ your DH in the group? Or are we still in the world of mums handling all the school/life admin and dads not even being in the chat?

I imagine he’s too busy travelling internationally with his FTSE 100 job. And definitely not commenting about women’s tits.

Beautifulhaiku · 02/09/2025 18:58

Homegrownberries · 02/09/2025 18:30

Are the dads not on the WhatsApp group?
This is on them, not you.

I'm not buying your husbands story. Maybe you should add his number to the group and let him deal with it.

This 👏

Netcurtainnelly · 02/09/2025 18:57

Leave the group.
It can't happen then.
Anyone who isn't on social media or WhatsApp is leading a more peaceful life.

Beautifulhaiku · 02/09/2025 18:57

Why did she @ you? Couldn’t she @ your DH in the group? Or are we still in the world of mums handling all the school/life admin and dads not even being in the chat?

I agree with other replies that everyone seems awful here. Also you could argue that a single mum at least isn’t staying with an awful man who gets involved in conversations about their kid’s teacher’s tits.

CallieOMally · 02/09/2025 18:54

God I’d have actually passed away. Whether he said it or not it doesn’t matter because everyone will assume he did anyway.

I think that’s a horrible thing to do to another woman, to be honest.

Fetchthevet · 02/09/2025 18:54

I imagine the dads aren't on the WhatsApp group, which is why she tagged their wives instead. Maybe she did it in anger and was too furious to stop and really think about what she was doing. Anyway let's hope your OH will be too busy with his Very Important Job to do the school run again, OP .

BengalBangle · 02/09/2025 18:51

Dannii93 · 02/09/2025 18:19

Bloody hell I wish I never made the single Mum comment now! There’s nothing wrong with that, I respect people for leaving abusive situations. Obviously in some instances where that isn’t the reason then it’s just sad because it is the kids who are penalised by a broken home. Luckily I have picked wisely (so far!) with DH.

It’s fairly rare he does the school run given he’s often on business internationally with his position at a FTSE 100 firm, in hindsight I wish he was today!

And, there you are again, getting in a dig about one parent families.
Is your FTSE 100 DH as smug as you?
Presumably, your perfect man put the other Dad in his place re: the comment?

Stowawaysue · 02/09/2025 18:48

everythingthelighttouches · 02/09/2025 18:43

This is gold!

May I be the first to recommend this goes to classics?!

It can be known as the “FTSE100 twat” thread!!

The first and last

SanityLeftTheChat · 02/09/2025 18:48

Didimum · 02/09/2025 18:22

Several things going on here.

No, OP. You should have made the single mum comment. But you are fuming (and yes, rightly so), so I think we should all let some things slide when we are fuming.

I’d have responded something like ‘Hi @X, why are you blaming a woman for a man’s behaviour?’

Other posters not believing your husband wasn’t involved – you know your DH best, and MN hates men, so make of that what you will. My DH was once caught up in something not dissimilar when a gross man made another comment to him. Before I knew it I had a few friend ‘warning me’ that my DH was inappropriate – little did they all know I was standing behind DH and the guy at the time without anyone knowing and heard the whole exchange. So! No, often gross men don’t care who they say gross things to because they are dumb as fuck.

MM is the biggest group of men haters around.

DressOrSkirt · 02/09/2025 18:46

What did your DH say after the other mum told them to shut up?
I suppose if he'd said "yes creepy dad, don't talk about women like that" he wouldn't have gotten lumped together with him.

Of course women aren't responsible for men's actions, but staying with a man like that is an action in itself.

Your single mum comment was unnecessary, judgemental, and shows what kind of comments you think are acceptable.

And your brag about your DH's job is irrelevant, but shows where your priorities are.

Dramatic · 02/09/2025 18:45

Dannii93 · 02/09/2025 18:16

The comment was clearly inappropriate but some of the stuff I’ve heard Mum’s say about male teachers go way beyond that, so let’s not pretend it doesn’t go on.

My DH was an innocent bystander and I didn’t deserve to be lectured from someone like her.

I've heard people make comments about male teachers but I've never heard anyone say anything vulgar like what your husband heard (or said)

Iansavestheday · 02/09/2025 18:44

Dannii93 · 02/09/2025 18:05

He is alive. And as my DH put it when I got home she’s probably bitter she can’t get any one else so gets her kicks out of pulling stunts like this!

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Gosh, you are both vile. Well suited I guess.

NoSoupForU · 02/09/2025 18:44

Its absolutely fine for her to dislike them talking about another woman like that. And also fine for her to tackle the issue directly, as she did.

There was no need whatsoever for the group message which was always just going to cause embarrassment for you and the other woman so she could feel superior.

everythingthelighttouches · 02/09/2025 18:43

This is gold!

May I be the first to recommend this goes to classics?!

It can be known as the “FTSE100 twat” thread!!

Didimum · 02/09/2025 18:41

MemorableTrenchcoat · 02/09/2025 18:36

I hate misogyny, but also misandry. There’s no shortage of the latter on here.

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I wouldn’t disagree with you, except on here very few people seem to be able to add perspective or depth to any scenario involving a man. It’s 99% a done and dusted, blanket judgement, and at the end of the day on an individual that is a stranger to them.

Doodlie · 02/09/2025 18:41

She says one thing, your DH says another and you weren’t there. Both fathers now know Big Brother Mother is operating in the school vicinity. Don’t get involved. Ignore the WhatsApp message.

BuckChuckets · 02/09/2025 18:37

SaladAndChipsForTea · 02/09/2025 18:19

Not my Nigel.

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Dead 😂

MemorableTrenchcoat · 02/09/2025 18:36

7372RR · 02/09/2025 18:24

and MN hates men

that old trope, that gets men off actually ever listening to a woman's POV.

Change the record.

What a lot of us hate is misogyny.

I hate misogyny, but also misandry. There’s no shortage of the latter on here.

BunnyLake · 02/09/2025 18:35

Dannii93 · 02/09/2025 18:19

Bloody hell I wish I never made the single Mum comment now! There’s nothing wrong with that, I respect people for leaving abusive situations. Obviously in some instances where that isn’t the reason then it’s just sad because it is the kids who are penalised by a broken home. Luckily I have picked wisely (so far!) with DH.

It’s fairly rare he does the school run given he’s often on business internationally with his position at a FTSE 100 firm, in hindsight I wish he was today!

I’m glad you realise your single mum comment was uncalled for. Has it never occurred to you that a lot of women end up as single mothers because they have been badly let down by the person who was supposed to be on their side?

And you probably see single dads as heroes.

ilovesooty · 02/09/2025 18:31

Dannii93 · 02/09/2025 18:19

Bloody hell I wish I never made the single Mum comment now! There’s nothing wrong with that, I respect people for leaving abusive situations. Obviously in some instances where that isn’t the reason then it’s just sad because it is the kids who are penalised by a broken home. Luckily I have picked wisely (so far!) with DH.

It’s fairly rare he does the school run given he’s often on business internationally with his position at a FTSE 100 firm, in hindsight I wish he was today!

He might have A Very Important Job but he still sounds like a misogynist.

B1anche · 02/09/2025 18:31

SussexLass87 · 02/09/2025 18:22

Broken home?

And why do we need to know he works for a FTSE100?

Sounds like a Daily Mail sad face article!

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She'll be telling us the value of their house next.

Homegrownberries · 02/09/2025 18:30

Are the dads not on the WhatsApp group?
This is on them, not you.

I'm not buying your husbands story. Maybe you should add his number to the group and let him deal with it.

Beeloux · 02/09/2025 18:29

I was divorced at 25, mainly because I don’t put up with bullshit. I rather be a single mother than be with a pervert. The amount of married woman I see and their husbands are creeping on woman on social media and following onlyfans accounts is disgusting. I really do pity them.

It also sounds very convenient that your husband was an innocent bystander. I highly doubt the other mother would embarrass herself in a group chat if it wasn’t the two of them making inappropriate comments.

tooyoungtoopretty · 02/09/2025 18:29

Dannii93 · 02/09/2025 18:19

Bloody hell I wish I never made the single Mum comment now! There’s nothing wrong with that, I respect people for leaving abusive situations. Obviously in some instances where that isn’t the reason then it’s just sad because it is the kids who are penalised by a broken home. Luckily I have picked wisely (so far!) with DH.

It’s fairly rare he does the school run given he’s often on business internationally with his position at a FTSE 100 firm, in hindsight I wish he was today!

You’re not coming across well at all. You sound extremely smug and unpleasant. Honestly you should reflect a bit.

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