To think the school could have cut DS some slack here

When you speak about 'they' needing to 'get their revenge', are you pertaining to staff, or have I got the wrong end of the stick?!
Plus, did your DC's 1-2-1 actually use the words 'told off'/'telling off'.
I find some of your language hyperbolic, as losing free time for 'reflection' is a consequence, rather than a more inflammatory 'punishment'.
I've got twin DC in mainstream primary, one of whom has an EHCP and risk assessment for 'challenging behaviour'; she (Twin 2) also has a 1-2-1.
Twin 2 is hypersensitive to/hyoervigilant around tone and doesn't always understand phraseological nuance.
For me, as her Mum, it can be like walking on eggshells, so fuck knows how difficult it must be for her 1-2-1 (who has worked with her for 2 years).
Fixating on glue sticks, what you perceive to be an unfair consequence and how incorrectly/inadequately the 1-2-1, and/or SENCo have managed/responded to this sounds...exhausting.
If you feel the specificity within the EHCP is lacking, this can be raised at the annual review.
In the meantime, it's the beginning of a long academic year. Is it really worth ruminating over?
You seem to 'need' to be right.
You've sent 20,000 glue sticks in; I think yoi have made your point.

Understood. The smile was a poor recommendation which I later retracted in response to the OP, suggesting 'saying OK with a serious face is fine too' Dont you think the 'okay' makes sense? I find sometimes children need a clear 'recipe' for a situation they find difficult. Being taught that an instruction needs to be actively accepted so that things can move on is useful. It 'completes the circle', the person giving the instruction knows that it was received and understood, and it draws a line under it.

There's a huge difference between "told off" and "asked to do it differently", but I know children with autism can struggle to tell the difference.
I'm a primary school supply teacher, and I couldn't tell you how many times over the years I've told children how to more effectively use a gluestick.

Wonder if this is not the first time she has given him this instruction but he is not comprehending it. Maybe she started this method before the holidays and he has forgotten. Does he like gluing? Could like the flow of the glue going across the paper and is being stubborn about changing. The TA shouldn't be shouting though.

@Emmafuller79 Rather than getting angry about kids who need help and support. Be angry that the government haven't funded enough money so schools can get plenty of LSAs and teachers with more training in SEN. Be angry that there aren't enough SEN schools where kids can get the facilities they need (if they need more support and help which they cannot get in mainstream) and then your kids could be in mainstream where they can get more attention. Be angry that there aren't enough teachers and staff to give all the kids, including yours, lots of attention and support. Don't be angry at the fact that due to some of the reasons I mention, the schools have no option but to try and support those kids (without all the things they need), so they take up all their time, and they can't also give some of attention to your kids. Don't be angry at kids who need support and aren't at fault for your kids not getting support or attention. They can't help it and they need help and support, so that they can accommodate him.

Children should be treated equitably not equally. Just as you wouldn’t expect a child who is a wheelchair user to participate in PE or go to an upstairs science lab if there was no lift you shouldn’t expect autistic children to operate without reasonable adjustments.

I have so much sympathy for the OP and her son.

It emphasises for me how much we parents of ND kids accommodate and anticipate for them. Sadly, our experience is that even the “best” 1-to-1s don’t get it sufficiently. All these little incidents add up and now we’re home educating.

Do you know anything about autism? Do your children? You should be able to explain difference to your children.

People throughout life get treated differently due to their needs & circumstances. For example, you have not read this thread properly, and then complained there is into missing, you have conflated this issue with that of your children, but rather than match your rudeness people will understand you are frustrated by your children's experiences and be kinder than your responses deserve.

you don’t listen and make zero sense
its schools job to treat all Kids the same.. my kids are fuming it don’t happen ! It’s now my job to teach my kids to not allow any naughty kids to get away with it. Last year one feral boy threw 3 tables over. He wasnt told to Leave classroom but the other 29 pupils was.😡 My son refused too leave over rough behaviour he didnt cause. teacher couldn’t make him. But They called me for a meeting ..the letter said cause my son didn’t leave classroom it “triggered” that boy to have more “meltdowns” and which caused “further disruption to learning” They literally blame shifted…you can’t make it up. I didn’t attend the bloody meeting 😡

You've really not said anything worth listening to so please don't go on.

If your children do not understand why people with disabilities get extra help, and people without disabilities do not need extra help, then yes - it is your job to explain that, not the schools. It is the schools job to teach the pupils the curriculum, and ensure they meet the required standards.

Would definitely be taking this up with teacher. A day is a long time to most young children anyway. He will be very anxious about tomorrow and will probably be at meltdown by breakfast. Didn't realize it was his T A as your 1st post made it sound like his new teacher.

Its not unkind. Maybe not the best way to handle things. But children, autistic or not, need to accept that teachers are different, that things change, that something can be right at one moment, but wrong at another. And OPs job is to explain that to her dc.

Probably because when they put too much glue on everyone's work gets stuck together. They are probably now at the age where handing in work for marking applies.

So all children with a disability should be homeschooled?

Because kids with a disability will often need extra support in some way - but by your reckoning, they're just being naughty when they can't regulate themselves, can't process information, can't walk, can't see or hear... they should just get on with it or stay at home.

Perhaps you can explain to your children that they don't get extra special attention because they don't need it -in the same way that they aren't given wheelchairs, or hearing aids, or a white cane... because they don't need them.

Retired secondary HoD here. If the meltdown only consisted of shouting and telling someone that they're mean/bad etc, then I'd say that stopping the child's playtime is inappropriate under the circumstances. (If things had become physical, then my opinion would be different.)

Someone suggested teaching the lad to say 'Okay' and smile. Honestly, that type of masking is not the best thing IMO. I'm saying that as someone who had 40 yrs experience of working with neurodivergent children, some of whom had been taught to do this by their parents. It just finished up looking unnatural - more of a grimace than a smile.

I spent 40 yrs masking myself, to be honest. (I was diagnosed with OCD in my 30s. It wasn't until younger members of my extended family were diagnosed with autism and/or ADHD that things finally made sense.)

I recall being told that I was 'rude' for failing to make eye contact and I've faked it for most of my life. The mask slips when I'm tired.

I've had pupils telling me off for not making eye contact. I dealt with it by apologising and explaining about being on the spectrum. If children can be understanding, then so can adults.

At one point, Scottish schools had a qualification - Standard Grade English - which required pupils to deliver a talk and to make eye contact with their audience in order to get the best grades. I confessed to my pupils that I did it by fixing my eyes on a spot just above people's heads. It worked, because it was a clear strategy that didn't add more stress.

I hope I'm making sense - this is way past my bedtime, but I didn't want to leave the thread without responding.

Mum of an autistic child here. When you can see he is receptive to talking about it, explain that the teacher was not telling him off, emphasize that he wasn't in trouble,. Then explain how as you get older you learn to do things differently (explain reasons). Make him feel really positive about getting older. Don't take against the teacher please or he will pick up on your feelings. Remember autism is difficult to deal with as every autistic child is different. Mine is nearly 20 now and when 1st diagnosed the outlook wasn't good but he is the most amazing young man now. Good luck.

I am so angry and sad for your son and for you. What a terribly unkind and stupid thing for his 1:1 to have done. Hugs to you both.

Fingers crossed he had a good day, and hopefully they took what you said on board and he didn’t miss playtime. Going by everything you’ve said on the thread, I think this year you’ll really have to be on them and ensure they start the year with a full reminder of his needs, his provision , how to behaviour manage him and what is expected of them. Preferably all documented in writing.

Don’t do this. It’s petty.

You need to tackle the situation in the morning with the 1:1 and school. If the situation is as you described then the 1:1 is at fault and your son shouldn’t be handled so heavily. You also need to set your boundaries early on in the term.