To think the school could have cut DS some slack here

It does matter. what if the whole class decided to make that sort of mess?imagine 30 kids not listening to the teacher and trashing the table with glue messes. 🤦‍♀️

i taught my kids to be tidy and go with rules . But there now fed up when a few other kids in there school behave so badly and get away with it.

What do you think has changed since last term OP? He's had his 1:1 for three years, if their support was always this problematic you would have stepped in 3 years ago. If all was fine until now, what's happened to make it like this now?

@Sprogonthetyne

Your son should not be missing playtime for using too much glue. Can't believe this a punishable offence at this point in the term.

This is really tricky.

I used to teach in a SEN school, but we had typically 8 students and 2 LSAs per class. We knew our students.

You really can't expect a teacher to walk on eggshells because of one student, particularly for such a benign activity such as glueing in a worksheet. It would be detrimental to the rest of the students, especially when you think of what is the next thing that will set him off.

It also doesn't do him any benefit in the long run. As he gets older and more independent, then there will be so many things that he can't control or anticipate.

I remember one of my students, who was in touch with his ASC, was delivering a school assembly on The Spoon Theory. This is when you start the day owning so many spoons, and each challenge in the day takes away a spoon. Once all the spoons are used up, there's a meltdown. It sounds like your DS had one spoon left when he was ask to use the glue stick. He coped for the morning, but by the afternoon, his coping ability was diminished.

It's up to your DS, alongside his support network, to develop the resources to get through the day. This is something he needs to do to get him through school and adulthood.

Get him a pencil case with his own gluestick.

What do you mean? If a kid doesn’t do what there suppose to do they should be told not to do it. There should be no special treatment. My kids are sick off seeing some kids in there school behaving so badly but getting away with it and rewarded. 😡

You don’t say how old is he. If he is 4-5 he should be cut some slack. You also don’t say how many times he was told not to make a mess. Kids by a certain age should be told a simple instruction once and not ignore it, You also don’t say how long the teacher had to manage him whilst ignoring the other 29 kids who were getting on with it.

theres a boy in my kids class whose a nightmare. He takes up lots of the teacher’s time, ignores instructions, chuck tables, hit other kids, swears, shout in others kids ears, has tantrums, makes loud screechy noises and rip up display work. whilst the other kids get on with it/do as there told. He should be expelled. Instead he gets special treatment. 😡

My kids said what’s the point of behaving seeing as only naughty kids get attention and rewards.

There’s a huge back story that your keeping from us.

That context is terrible OP . I think that is the most misguided way of dealing with a child with autism I have ever heard of . I would be extremely unhappy with this and definitely would bring it up . Hard to believe his 1:1 having any training at all went along with this .

Was he told off?
Or was he criticised and told to glue in a particular (different) way?
Is there to be punishment?
Or was he being given glueing information?

If he was actually told off and there will be an active punishment then I would be very angry indeed and talk to the Head about it

If not, then it's really just one of those things. Have a nice chat to his 1:1 about his inability to mask all day

Would also be annoyed at him being given a punishment. Or was an attempt to urge him to have a quiet time after his meltdown . As you are well aware so much of dealing with an autistic child is down to nuance.

A "reflection" which is there wording for missing playtime.

Giving instructions is generally fine, it's telling him something he's already done, that was fine last year is suddenly wrong, without prior warning and at a time when he was already struggling. It just doesn't feel that the 2p worth of glue needed to be the priority at that time.

Having worked in schools for 20 years I'm normally very very supportive of their actions, but I'd be pushing back against this.

He did what he thought was right as no one told him the process had changed. His one-to-one has known him a while and could have given him a heads up, or dealt with it differently.

I'd be expecting a "we could all have done things differently, let's think if there's anything else that's changed" chat.

Unless there's a drip feed that his melt down included violence or the likes aimed at staff or other pupils. Punishing him is a shit way to start the year off.

I would be more annoyed at him being punished for a meltdown. Meltdowns are not a choice so a punishment is not going to change his future behaviour.

Are they actually issuing a punishment for an autistic pupil becoming dysregulated? I’m not sure about the glue stick incident but I agree on the face of it that a punishment seems unfair. Does he have an EHCP (or equivalent)?

You want a teacher to give prior warning about a glue stick? To one child?

So you really expect a teacher to remember something so trivial as a change of method of using a glue stick ? A new teacher? A new teacher who wasn’t informedd that the glue stick method has changed?

How are they planning on punishing him??
I’m dubious about them having caused the meltdown as well, tbh.
He can’t be immune from being given / following perfectly normal instructions because he might react badly.

If it’s the same school as last year then the argument about it being about the cost seems irrelevant.

Only going by what I've read about schools nit having resources.

I think I'd be speaking to the teacher about it. I know that with my own dd she's extremely sensitive to criticism/ getting things wrong - and she sometimes wrongly interprets words/ tone. She had an amazing teacher last year who knew her so well and really understood her. There was one occasion when dd was in tears about something that had happened, and at the thought of upsetting/ annoying her favourite teacher. I asked the teacher to quietly take her to one side and clearly explain what had gone wrong to dd, who had either misunderstood the original instruction or misunderstood the resulting reaction - I wasn't clear and couldn't be sure. Dd came home happily bouncing and relieved after her teacher spoke to her.

As SEN parents we are naturally quite fiercely protective because we have to advocate so hard for our dc who cannot always articulate for themselves. But mostly teachers welcome good communication with parents, providing we start from the basis of trying to understand the precise circumstances of what happened and work with them through it.

I get that you are disappointed that he had a meltdown and you are frustrated that this was triggered by something a teacher said, but if he was that close to the edge then it could have been anything really. You said that he had a really good morning so focus on that - despite his anxiety and his tears he was able to go into school and cope for a large part of the day. That's a success given how stressful the build-up has been.