To think I parented very poorly this morning

We've all had those moments and we've all felt horrible after.

They were scared because you don't usually react like that. Obviously it's not ideal, but I don't think your children understanding that you have a limit to the amount of shift you can or will tolerate is necessarily a bad thing once in a while.

Go easy on yourself. You've had some good suggestions from PP, hopefully that will help avoid this situation.

It’s okay for them to see normal emotions, just apologise for not handling your anger well on this occasion. I do think there must have been other things that slowed them down, how long were they fighting? They should be brushing their teeth before eating really.

OP the only thing YABU for is the grovelling and apologising. They were picking about instead of brushing their teeth and getting ready for school. They deserved to be told off. First day back at school (depending on where you live) and they have messed it up before they have even got in, forced their mother to take time to dive them in and most likely made you late for work. I would be glad they were scared. Maybe they will do better tomorrow.

They have learnt a boundary. It's okay to be honest if you're frustrated. You bad to dive them in at time and energy. I'd be annoyed too and probably shout. They need to know you can be upset. I wouldn't over think it as you have been triggered by how your one mum behaved. They will think it totally out of character and a one off. End of holidays it's bloody stressful getting them back in. Separate them in the morning if they can't behave.

@HuckleberryBlackcurrant

I voted YABU, but I meant you are being unreasonable to feel bad, not that YABU to snap.

I wouldn't give it another thought. I snapped many a time at my DC and it hasn't done them any harm. They are gorgeous loving boys, both now at Uni and they love DH and me and they only have happy memories of their childhood.

Go easy on yourself

if they always fight whilst both in there brushing their teeth, without you being there, why is this not being done differently? E.g. they go separately or you're in there for the 2 minutes it takes

You're fine OP. Mums are allowed emotions. Your 8yo in particular is old enough to know better. A chat about why you lost your temper would be good. Apologise but don't absolve them. There are consequences to missing busses, and they do need to learn.

No, I’d have probably done the same. But the way I look at it is this - if you’re a serene gentle parenter for their entire childhood years, the kids are going to have a very rude awakening when someone loses their shit with them the first time. This teaches them if they fuck around, they find out. A valuable lesson to learn, in my humble opinion.

I would imagine that as the OP has said she’s in Idaho that’s not an option.

Well I think if they miss the bus surely they have to walk to school? Or at least part of the way like you drive then but park quite a way away. If they're late they have to explain to the teacher why in front of their friends.

You got angry , you had an emotion. You were angry with your children and snapped at them and then you apologised for snapping at them. You showed them that we all get angry sometimes and that you also apologise to them, like they are no doubt asked to apologise if they act out. I would say you are the opposite of a bad parent and did everything right.

If that's as bad as you've got in 8 years of parenting you're a billion times better parent than me. Seriously, cut yourself some slack.

They're not toddlers, they do know they should get a bit of a move on.

I think you should have a conversation about how their behaviour can affect other people and how they feel.

If they dick about, other people may lose patience and may behave in unexpected ways - whether they should or shouldn't, whether that is right or wrong isn't particularly relevant, they cannot control how other people behave. Only how THEY behave.

Think the most important outcome is that you explain why your behaviour went down that road, explain how the situation made you feel (missing the bus) and how it all impacted the day and then look at going forward what can help you and them and make life easier....'sandwich affect' normal to have a bad day even as a parent but it's just important than isn't repeated and becomes the normal.

Don’t worry OP.

A suggestion - remove all choice and decision-making on the morning. You’re the parent, you’re in charge, you choose.

Decision making is actually quite stressful for kids and most of the time there’s no need for it.

HRTFT but I think when we fail to be the person we want to be, it’s made ok when we apologise, sincerely, and explain why you lost it but that you should have dealt with the feelings better. Personally I feel a lot of the damage is done when parents snap and frighten their children but then behave as if they were justified in that. You can use your loss of control as a way of showing them that it’s a good thing to apologise and to be contrite, and also to forgive as long as it’s not a habit.

I reversed into a massive sprinter van and branch shredder in my drive id walked past and not noticed because I was bollocking son number 2 so much. I think you are allowed to have the occasional lapse. BTW mine absolutely deserved it.

Reward them 5 cents each of every day they get the school bus on time (without nagging). Let them build up all nice and shiny in a big jar until Christmas.

Fine them 25c each every time you have to take them in (with an extra 10c fine each if they start arguing about whose fault it was or squeak about it in any way)

You'll find they are perfectly capable of doing this. They just choose not to right now because they lack the proper incentives.

That doesn't sound too bad. It sounds as though your DC are getting a bit of learning about consequences. Maybe they won't be so prone to fighting and messing about tomorrow.

Get them out of bed half an hour earlier. Get them to sort their bags, clothes everything ready the night before. Take it in turns to use the bathroom to wash and do teeth after breakfast, and get them to organise it with a chart if necessary. Any fighting means no …whatever they like to do after school that day and stick to it. Make sure they understand no fighting at home.

I was expecting much worse from reading the title to be honest!

She didn't just tell them off, she threw things and she knows that was wrong. Don't minimise what happened , op is trying to own it and ask for help.

Well, maybe it’ll teach them not to do it another time! I really don’t think you should beat yourself up about it, OP.
I don’t think it does a child any harm to realise occasionally that their behaviour can drive a parent to the absolute limit of their patience.