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Original poster

DSD picking newborn up and putting him back in Moses basket

607 replies

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 07:19

My DSD (12) was visiting, our newborn is 4 weeks old and still has a delicate neck. I am happy with DSD holding her brother as long as one of us has put him in a position that keeps his neck supported. She will hold him from time to time if we are in another room.

However to my horror the other day I saw her taking him out of his Moses basket and putting him back.

Am I being unreasonable in that I feel that’s a step too far?

OP posts:
Checkard · 02/09/2025 08:26

I would explain it clearly to her, no picking up while he is so small.

I would be concerned too if she refuses to accept direction.

Tell both children very clearly.

Original poster
Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 08:26

@Falseknock my midwife said for the “4th trimester” whilst baby figures out the world and who is who, to keep feeding to just the two of us. So that he can associate our smell with being fed and identify us as his care givers. Apparently passing them around to everyone and letting different people do things such as feeding can cause babies to be overstimulated and confused… ultimately leading to a terrible couple of days restlessness

OP posts:
Falseknock · 02/09/2025 08:23

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 08:03

@Blessthismess2 yes I’m the wicked evil step mother that treats all children differently.

it’s one rule for all in our house.

that includes waiting for LO to be older before moving him around. Ask us to hold him, not a problem. Anything else we’ve agreed we do ourselves.

i understand the suggestion around feeding, but our midwife advised to keep feeding to just the two of us, to save confusion and make sure LO is clear who does that. Lots have changed in 11 years so it’s COMPLETELY different to having children 2 years apart

I've had 4 children your midwife said what?
You believe it?

Namechangerage · 02/09/2025 08:23

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 08:21

@kirinm this whole step parent narrative is boring sorrry. I have a biological son and all is the same in our house

we never had the discussion about picking up and putting down baby as to be frank, we didn’t really think there would be any time whilst he’s this small that it would be needed. One of us most is in the room majority of the time, I’d left for a moment whilst he was sleeping to do some washing. And when I came back it was mid him being picked up out of the Moses basket screaming

Just have a chat - “I’d rather be in the room if you want to pick up the baby just to be safe, do you want to have a cuddle now?” Seems like you’re making a drama out of nothing.

Emmafuller79 · 02/09/2025 08:22

kirinm · 02/09/2025 08:19

Protect the baby? She’s not hurting the baby ffs.

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did you read what the OP said? I won’t stoop to your level and swear about it. If that was your baby would you allow it?

Thedoorisalwaysopen · 02/09/2025 08:22

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 08:04

@Thedoorisalwaysopen we don’t want any of the kids moving him around, so didn’t feel it necessary to show anyone as we weren’t expecting to have to. Once he can keep his head up, no issues move the little monster wherever pleases you

that was rather naive.
Teach both older children today! Make it light hearted, get them to do it in front of you and Dad and praise them.

Original poster
Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 08:22

kirinm · 02/09/2025 08:19

Protect the baby? She’s not hurting the baby ffs.

Show quote history

@Emmafuller79 I don’t quite agree with the end of this, it’s nothing to do with whether she is or is not my child.

ultimately it is my child and whatever I’m comfortable with.

but comments like this give people the ammunition they need to say all SM are awful

OP posts:
Namechangerage · 02/09/2025 08:21

Does your son visit you or live with you?

JJMama · 02/09/2025 08:21

beAsensible1 · 02/09/2025 07:31

Why? You’ve not let her hold her brother at all.

it seems she was trying to bond in private. Poor thing.

sit her on the sofa and show her how, people do it with toddlers ffs.

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This. Mine are 19 months apart and we showed the one year old how to hold his newborn brother. Obv always supervised.

It comes across as though you’re not keen on DSD; she’s ‘visiting’ and hasn’t been shown how to hold her sibling. I bet it would be different if she was your daughter.

YABVVU

Izzywizzy85 · 02/09/2025 08:21

Massive overreaction. She’s 12 not a toddler. Newborns aren’t made of glass. You need to relax.

Original poster
Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 08:21

@kirinm this whole step parent narrative is boring sorrry. I have a biological son and all is the same in our house

we never had the discussion about picking up and putting down baby as to be frank, we didn’t really think there would be any time whilst he’s this small that it would be needed. One of us most is in the room majority of the time, I’d left for a moment whilst he was sleeping to do some washing. And when I came back it was mid him being picked up out of the Moses basket screaming

OP posts:
kirinm · 02/09/2025 08:19

Emmafuller79 · 02/09/2025 08:09

Your the mum you. protect YOUR baby. You don’t protect the wants of another child whose old enough to no better and isn’t even YOUR OWN
child
😡

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Protect the baby? She’s not hurting the baby ffs.

Greeneyegirl · 02/09/2025 08:18

There's a big age gap with me and my sister and she was 12 when I had my first. Id go upstairs for a nap and leave her in charge! She was more than capable of holding and changing a nappy and even feeding. She is mature for her age though. Unfortunately, there's also plenty of 12 year olds having babies who must hold them!!

harriethoyle · 02/09/2025 08:17

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 07:39

Right just to confirm.
We have 0 issue with any of the children holding the baby. All can as and when they want and are shown how to properly.

the issue is the picking up and putting down which was not done correctly and ended up with LO screaming his lungs out.

the rule applies to all children in our house

“Screaming his lungs out”

Quite the drip feed 🙄

You need to be less dramatic and stop excluding your DSD

Venturini · 02/09/2025 08:17

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 07:39

Right just to confirm.
We have 0 issue with any of the children holding the baby. All can as and when they want and are shown how to properly.

the issue is the picking up and putting down which was not done correctly and ended up with LO screaming his lungs out.

the rule applies to all children in our house

Sure Jan

kirinm · 02/09/2025 08:17

So you wouldn’t mind telling her she couldn’t pick up the baby at all - despite the fact she’d probably find that embarrassing and also really shitty. But you don’t want to embarrass her by explaining that the baby needs a bit more neck support at this age? That’s not odd at all.

Step parents wouldn’t get a hard time if they were less shitty towards their step kids.

Hercisback1 · 02/09/2025 08:16

You can avoid any embarrassment by showing them both how to pick up the baby.

Fandangobango · 02/09/2025 08:14

Could you just ask her not to? Or if you feel too embarrassed to then ask your partner to? Not sure what the issue is really- she is 12 and probably excited about having a new baby sibling but if she is doing something you don't want her to then you need to tell her or she won't know. If she picked him up incorrectly then that would've been a good time to explain to her either how to do it properly or to say not to do that until the baby is older.

Emmafuller79 · 02/09/2025 08:14

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 02/09/2025 07:51

So get her dad to talk to her.

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I no. Always left to women to pick up the slack
even for jobs /kids that don’t belong too her 😡

Emmafuller79 · 02/09/2025 08:14

SuPollardsPolkaDotFrock · 02/09/2025 07:40

Has it occured to you that by allowing her to hold the baby unsupervised while you are in another room you might be giving a 12 year old child mixed messages?

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true. Think it’s gentle parenting at large. Throw in the step family element and it’s double
messy

wheniwasyoungiknew · 02/09/2025 08:13

Why are you so dramatic? Just explain how to hold him safely. It really doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what a reasonable next step is

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/09/2025 08:13

Emmafuller79 · 02/09/2025 08:12

She dont live there. What do you suggest OP calls it? 🙄

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She does live there some of the time though!

I’d have just said “at ours”.

ishimbob · 02/09/2025 08:12

Noelshighflyingturds · 02/09/2025 07:44

At 12 years old, second year of senior school we were taking relatives babies to the city Centre for days out to look after them all day long.

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At 12 you were looking after 4 week old babies all day? Your relatives sound like terrible parents.

At 12 in the 90s, I was babysitting but not tiny newborns

Emmafuller79 · 02/09/2025 08:12

Strawberries86 · 02/09/2025 07:22

Visiting?

She dont live there. What do you suggest OP calls it? 🙄

Emmafuller79 · 02/09/2025 08:11

BlueMum16 · 02/09/2025 08:09

So have a gentle chat with both the older kids. Explain. How are they meant to learn?

Don't make it a bigger deal than it is and speak to both so it's not a step child issue.

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Gentle chat don’t cut it

thr 12 yr old should. Be told to leave baby alone or there’s a real consequence

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