Page 2 | DSD picking newborn up and putting him back in Moses basket

Pinkpetal9999 · 2025-09-02T06:19:55+00:00

My DSD (12) was visiting, our newborn is 4 weeks old and still has a delicate neck. I am happy with DSD holding her brother as long as one of us has put him in a position that keeps his neck supported. She will hold him from time to time if we are in another room. However to my horror the other day I saw her taking him out of his Moses basket and putting him back. Am I being unreasonable in that I feel that’s a step too far?

jmh740 · 04/09/2025 18:07

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 09:20

@Heartsonfire one of the few posts I am going to take advice on, thank you for reading the post properly and with a bit of empathy/undestanding from a cautious parent!

I think the not showing them probably wasn’t the greatest idea and you are right just explain not for now but when he’s a bit stronger it will be fine.

he’s so so delicate, so people are WILD for saying any different. My brother and father both of which have children didn’t want to hold him for the first few weeks because they were worried they were going to break him. Just because these posters allow their other children to man handle their precious delicate baby, doesn’t mean I have to.

thanks for the advice again!

He's a 4 week old baby? Is he prem? If not he's really not that delicate that his sister picking him up is going to hurt him.

Didimum · 04/09/2025 17:49

Dancingintherain11 · 04/09/2025 16:48

No thanks, I wouldn't bother wasting my time. Interesting that you haven't answered why you won't call out her posts though, I suppose you've got to look out for each other.
I wouldn't defend a bully.

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Is it ‘interesting’ or is it just obvious?

Your bickering with another poster isn’t my concern.

I’ve made it abundantly clear that my concern is OP, the 4-week post partum mother to a who is posting on (what is supposed to be) a parenting support forum, only to receive literally hundreds of belittling, sarcastic, condescending swearing replies. As I have clearly demonstrated. Including from you.

You say you wouldn’t defend a bully – so why are you asking me to defend you?

Dancingintherain11 · 04/09/2025 16:48

Didimum · 04/09/2025 13:18

Do it yourself if you're that bothered.

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No thanks, I wouldn't bother wasting my time. Interesting that you haven't answered why you won't call out her posts though, I suppose you've got to look out for each other.
I wouldn't defend a bully.

Didimum · 04/09/2025 13:18

Dancingintherain11 · 04/09/2025 12:59

Why don't you waste your time trawling through all the nasty posts made by @Petitchat ?

Let's see all her put downs and constant questioning against everyone.
Or won't you do that because she's clearly one of your allies? So anything she writes is acceptable?
To be fair though, you'd be there all day if you tried to find every post from her on this thread.

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Do it yourself if you're that bothered.

Original poster

Pinkpetal9999 · 04/09/2025 13:12

@Falseknock i think that’s a great suggestion really and yes i think your right!
I agree, I just think there is a way people can go about sharing their opinions and experiences without being belittling or saying things that are quite harmful to someone who really is in quite a vulnerable position.

I will say apps such as peanut though are much more supportive for new mothers from other mothers and I believe that’s because your profile isn’t anonymous when responding

OP posts:

Falseknock · 04/09/2025 13:05

I remember when I had my last child I said to a woman that I expressed my milk. She looked at me in a confused way and said that she wouldn't do that and why I didn't breastfeed. That was the first time I spoke to someone apart from the health visitor about any of my babies. When you talk to people all you're going to get is their experience and opinions. I didn't ask anyone after that apart from the HV. It might be worth talking to your HV instead she will probably give you some tips?

Dancingintherain11 · 04/09/2025 13:04

Pinkpetal9999 · 04/09/2025 12:43

@Dancingintherain11
I think this poster explained your posts and responses very well.

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Just like I think many posters summed up your initial post very well, hence the reactions you got, oh along with the very high percentage of people who believe YABU via the poll.

Dancingintherain11 · 04/09/2025 12:59

Didimum · 04/09/2025 12:38

I didn't say you did. I didn't mention you or reply to you. You're being criticised because you are excusing the horrible responses to OP and minimising them as 'a difference of opinion'.

Here are all four of my only responses to you. Not once have I sworn at you. Not once have I used sarcasm. Not once have I used condescending emojis.

"That's an awful lot of assumptions with zero evidence, other than how you personally interpret two words of language."

"Baby is 4 weeks' old. Can you clarify how long OP has been out of hospital or how many times the DSD has met the baby? Can you clarify that both the parents haven't told the 12 and 11yr old children what to do in an emergency? (Call for or immediately get a parent strikes me as the most obvious answer rather than to pick up a 4 week old, choking baby)."

"Bullying definition: when people intentionally use words or actions against someone to cause distress and risk to their wellbeing.
Disagreeing response: ‘Hi OP, I can understand the anxiety you may feel over a 4 week newborn. They do seem very delicate at that age. However, I think it’s important your DSD is taught correctly how to hold them, and it’s important for her to feel part of the family, since having a new sibling can be a difficult time for a blended family.’
Bullying response (and there are many): ‘Why are you being so dramatic? Your newborns head is not going to fall off FFS. Why don’t describe your DSD as just visiting? It’s her HOME. Your language is very telling. Obviously you resent your DSD and want to exclude her from the family. Poor girl.’
If you can’t see the difference here and that it’s playing out exactly like this on this thread, then I honestly think that’s bizarre."

"A pile on to who specifically?"

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Why don't you waste your time trawling through all the nasty posts made by @Petitchat ?

Let's see all her put downs and constant questioning against everyone.
Or won't you do that because she's clearly one of your allies? So anything she writes is acceptable?
To be fair though, you'd be there all day if you tried to find every post from her on this thread.

Petitchat · 04/09/2025 12:47

Pinkpetal9999 · 04/09/2025 12:31

@user1471516498 I am really sorry to hear this, I can’t imagine the pain your parents and family would have had to go through. Everybody has the “it won’t be me” mindset.

I am unsure if this explains my thought process and I was in two minds whether to share but I know someone who’s teenage was looking after their sibling (toddler), put them on a bunk bed, said child wasn’t watching properly and toddler fell between the bed and wall and tragically died. But again a situation nobody could possibly imagine however accidents happen. To me it’s not worth the risk at all, to others it is.

But ultimately as a parent it’s your decision at the end of the day.

That's terrible OP.
When you hear of such things, it makes you realise just how easily and probably quickly, it can happen.
Just awful.

Glad you shared, it could save a baby/ toddler somewhere.

Original poster

Pinkpetal9999 · 04/09/2025 12:43

thepariscrimefiles · 04/09/2025 09:24

You are being rather hypocritical considering your own conduct on this thread. You have definitely been relentless in responding negatively to pretty much every one of OP's posts and you posted the below to one of the few posters to post in support of the OP:

'I'm not going to respond to your incessant questioning, so don't engage with me again as you'll be ignored, you're most annoying with your repeatedly inane comment
Go away.'

I wouldn't necessarily describe your posts as bullying but you have shown no understanding or compassion for a newly post-partum mum and you have gone out of your way to paint her unfairly as a cold and uncaring step-mother.

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@Dancingintherain11
I think this poster explained your posts and responses very well.

OP posts:

Didimum · 04/09/2025 12:38

Dancingintherain11 · 04/09/2025 12:28

I didn't write any of those comments, yet I've still been subjected to constant comebacks from a few of you, just because I've disagreed with the OP.

You do realise people are allowed to have a different opinion don't you?

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I didn't say you did. I didn't mention you or reply to you. You're being criticised because you are excusing the horrible responses to OP and minimising them as 'a difference of opinion'.

Here are all four of my only responses to you. Not once have I sworn at you. Not once have I used sarcasm. Not once have I used condescending emojis.

"That's an awful lot of assumptions with zero evidence, other than how you personally interpret two words of language."

"Baby is 4 weeks' old. Can you clarify how long OP has been out of hospital or how many times the DSD has met the baby? Can you clarify that both the parents haven't told the 12 and 11yr old children what to do in an emergency? (Call for or immediately get a parent strikes me as the most obvious answer rather than to pick up a 4 week old, choking baby)."

"Bullying definition: when people intentionally use words or actions against someone to cause distress and risk to their wellbeing.
Disagreeing response: ‘Hi OP, I can understand the anxiety you may feel over a 4 week newborn. They do seem very delicate at that age. However, I think it’s important your DSD is taught correctly how to hold them, and it’s important for her to feel part of the family, since having a new sibling can be a difficult time for a blended family.’
Bullying response (and there are many): ‘Why are you being so dramatic? Your newborns head is not going to fall off FFS. Why don’t describe your DSD as just visiting? It’s her HOME. Your language is very telling. Obviously you resent your DSD and want to exclude her from the family. Poor girl.’
If you can’t see the difference here and that it’s playing out exactly like this on this thread, then I honestly think that’s bizarre."

"A pile on to who specifically?"

Original poster

Pinkpetal9999 · 04/09/2025 12:38

@Dancingintherain11

Your dsd is 12 years old, she's not a baby. I actually think (judging by your comments about her visiting, and making out it's too awkward to talk to her) that you resent her and are looking for any reason to nit pick about her.
You don't come across very well in your posts.

Your son hasn't had the same treatment though has he?
You've not written a thread about him picking your baby up, and how horrified you were have you?
And you've not explained why it's ok to leave your baby with someone you don't even trust to pick up, you're irresponsible for not ensuring you are secure in the knowledge that your baby could be dealt with in an emergency, like if he were to choke and you're out the room.

Correct me if I’m wrong but are these not accusatory, belittling and condescending?
You chose to not read the full thread correctly and I highlighted that to you.

OP posts:

Original poster

Pinkpetal9999 · 04/09/2025 12:31

@user1471516498 I am really sorry to hear this, I can’t imagine the pain your parents and family would have had to go through. Everybody has the “it won’t be me” mindset.

I am unsure if this explains my thought process and I was in two minds whether to share but I know someone who’s teenage was looking after their sibling (toddler), put them on a bunk bed, said child wasn’t watching properly and toddler fell between the bed and wall and tragically died. But again a situation nobody could possibly imagine however accidents happen. To me it’s not worth the risk at all, to others it is.

But ultimately as a parent it’s your decision at the end of the day.

OP posts:

Dancingintherain11 · 04/09/2025 12:28

Didimum · 04/09/2025 11:58

Just a small selection of direct quotes from only the first four pages. Belittling, condescending, accusatory, highly unpleasant, and she's been sworn at no fewer than five times – probably more, I didn't read all of them.

Visiting? That’s her home! Also instead of being horrified a 12yo is unsure how to hold her baby birther correctly perhaps teach her? She’s 12. It’s great that she wants to bond with her brother when you only see her as a visitor.

Would it be such an issue if it was your own child that was the elder sibling?

Poor girl only visiting her dads house having to sneak a hold of her sibling
it seems she was trying to bond in private. Poor thing. sit her on the sofa and show her how, people do it with toddlers ffs.

Just talk to her ffs! You sound insufferable.

That's a you problem. Your language of visiting exposes your feelings about dsd tbh.

Lol at "delicate".

Why are you so dramatic? It really doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what a reasonable next step is.

Step parents wouldn’t get a hard time if they were less shitty towards their step kids.

🙄You need to be less dramatic and stop excluding your DSD

She’s not hurting the baby ffs.

What utter rubbish.

Oh FFS - there are ways of communicating that wouldn't embarrass her!

I didn't write any of those comments, yet I've still been subjected to constant comebacks from a few of you, just because I've disagreed with the OP.

You do realise people are allowed to have a different opinion don't you?

Original poster

Pinkpetal9999 · 04/09/2025 12:28

@Didimum thank you for highlighting this, I am incredibly fortunate to be thick skinned and able to stand up for myself. Although I am still fighting with my post partum hormones and emotions, imagine how vulnerable I could be and I have come to what should be a “safe space” for mothers to support and guide other mothers and that be the response. Imagine I actually had PND or PNA. It could be seriously damaging to somebodies mental health, such posters should be ashamed.
But I bet you any money someone will come on now and say I’m being dramatic.

Women… do better.

OP posts:

Petitchat · 04/09/2025 12:01

user1471516498 · 04/09/2025 11:42

I had a strict boundary that only parents or one set of grandparents were allowed to touch my children for the first 3 months.No passing baby around, as the risk of herpes infection is too great. It can be transmitted asymptomatically, and my sister died from it when I was young.Tell your children that baby is off limits.

Oh that's awful. So so sorry to hear that💕

I didn't even realise that about herpes,
thankyou for letting us know...

Didimum · 04/09/2025 11:58

Just a small selection of direct quotes from only the first four pages. Belittling, condescending, accusatory, highly unpleasant, and she's been sworn at no fewer than five times – probably more, I didn't read all of them.

Visiting? That’s her home! Also instead of being horrified a 12yo is unsure how to hold her baby birther correctly perhaps teach her? She’s 12. It’s great that she wants to bond with her brother when you only see her as a visitor.

Would it be such an issue if it was your own child that was the elder sibling?

Poor girl only visiting her dads house having to sneak a hold of her sibling
it seems she was trying to bond in private. Poor thing. sit her on the sofa and show her how, people do it with toddlers ffs.

Just talk to her ffs! You sound insufferable.

That's a you problem. Your language of visiting exposes your feelings about dsd tbh.

Lol at "delicate".

Why are you so dramatic? It really doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what a reasonable next step is.

Step parents wouldn’t get a hard time if they were less shitty towards their step kids.

🙄You need to be less dramatic and stop excluding your DSD

She’s not hurting the baby ffs.

What utter rubbish.

Oh FFS - there are ways of communicating that wouldn't embarrass her!

user1471516498 · 04/09/2025 11:42

I had a strict boundary that only parents or one set of grandparents were allowed to touch my children for the first 3 months.No passing baby around, as the risk of herpes infection is too great. It can be transmitted asymptomatically, and my sister died from it when I was young.Tell your children that baby is off limits.

Didimum · 04/09/2025 11:19

Dancingintherain11 · 04/09/2025 08:48

If anyone is creating a pile on , it's yourself and petitchat.
HTH

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A pile on to who specifically?

Didimum · 04/09/2025 11:17

nomas · 04/09/2025 10:50

The only person using the word evil is OP.

My post to OP is was why would she accuse someone of saying her tone is evil when not one person has said that?

It’s all very bizarre, and people are cheerleading her on by accusing people of having a ‘vendetta’ against OP. You can’t have a ‘vendetta’ against a stranger on MN, it’s simply not possible.

If you have an issue with people’s posts, you need to take it up with that poster.

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So here you are, hyperfocused yet again on another word ‘evil’, that has been used by the OP once. As had ‘visit’.

When it’s abundantly clear the whole tone against the OP has been unnecessarily negative and vindictive.

Stop supporting bullies on this forum.

Petitchat · 04/09/2025 11:12

Smilesinthesunshine · 04/09/2025 10:49

Oh please give up now!!
You sound ridiculous. How can anyone be so obsessed!

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I think@Dancingintherain11 must have missed the above good advice?

Dancingintherain11 · 04/09/2025 10:52

Pinkpetal9999 · 04/09/2025 09:14

@Dancingintherain11 defending someone who’s being attacked, and lets me honest you’ve done a lot of attacking, isn’t something I’d class as bullying.
But Christ if you see yourself a victim in this, I’m extremely worried.
I actually cannot respond to you any further this is beyond ridiculous, I’ve given a summary of my responses previously if you care to take a read, and a read of my responses you will see I haven’t attacked anyone for not agreeing with me.
I have stood up for myself when people changed the narrative and derailed the post.

I have maternity leave and a newborn for my excuse to have enough time on this discussion, the question is… what’s yours?

Funny how you, didimum and petitchat were engaged in a full on bun fight with other posters before I even made one comment on here isn't it.

You've all been argumentative (especially those two) if anyone disagrees with you or questions your wording. I don't see myself as a victim at all, so I don't know where you're getting that from, trust me, a bunch of anonymous people on the internet are not going to ruin my day, thanks all the same.
As for what's my excuse for being on here, do you really need to have one? But for what it's worth, it's my day off, is that ok with you?

I'm amazed as to why you're questioning why I'm posting, but not questioning anyone else, such as your staunch supporters, who are repeatedly popping up out the woodwork as soon as they see someone they want to argue with or take the piss out of has posted?
Anyway, I'm more than happy for you not to respond to me. I can live with that 😁

nomas · 04/09/2025 10:50

Didimum · 04/09/2025 09:32

What do you think of the numerous other posters, across over 20 pages, using hyperbolic terms against the OP? Have you read them?

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The only person using the word evil is OP.

My post to OP is was why would she accuse someone of saying her tone is evil when not one person has said that?

It’s all very bizarre, and people are cheerleading her on by accusing people of having a ‘vendetta’ against OP. You can’t have a ‘vendetta’ against a stranger on MN, it’s simply not possible.

If you have an issue with people’s posts, you need to take it up with that poster.

Smilesinthesunshine · 04/09/2025 10:49

Dancingintherain11 · 04/09/2025 10:39

I agree, it's also very childish and I'm surprised that a poster whose apparently old enough to have grown up children would make such immature and chavvy comments like that.

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Oh please give up now!!
You sound ridiculous. How can anyone be so obsessed!

Petitchat · 04/09/2025 10:42

Dancingintherain11 · 04/09/2025 10:39

I agree, it's also very childish and I'm surprised that a poster whose apparently old enough to have grown up children would make such immature and chavvy comments like that.

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🤣 🤣 🤣