DSD picking newborn up and putting him back in Moses basket

So you've never taught her how to do something correctly and now you're cross that she's doing it wrong?

Oh shut up. He’s a 4 week old baby. She has every right to be concerned about his neck. Just because you ragged your baby about and it was okay, doesn’t mean it’s normal! He’s 4 weeks old for christs sake. Some of you lot are worrying.

...supporting parents to give most of the feeds themselves....

Not the same as saying an occasional visitor should never give a feed.

Actually, ignoring all the waffle, I think it's perfectly reasonable for the parents to do the feeding.

It would be the case for breastfeeding and at least with the bottle the father can be involved.

And it's a moment of calm - if the mother is doing it at least she's having a sit down and rest rather than doing jobs

It doesn't need 'scientific' approval - it's the parent's 'job' till the baby is older.

I felt quite privileged the first time I could feed one of my DGC but it didn't kill me to wait

Show her properly how to hold the baby ps babies are not nearly as delicate as first mum's think they are. I was so careful with my first , subsequent children got bounced around by their siblings like you wouldn't believe.

This is absolutely ridiculous. Just show her how to lift him properly. Her baby brother was screaming his lungs out so she picked him up. It's insane that a 12 year old isn't allowed to pick up a baby. She didn't do it right, so show her! My 7 year old managed to safely pick up his newborn sibling! She's 12, not 2.

As for the feeding thing...Jesus... PFB?

I’ve never heard that.
But realistically how many people would feed the baby?
mum , dad, Granny / childminder?
Maybe add on older sibling?
So 4 at most.
Surely as long as baby was fed, winded , and dry (and held in a lo being way) baby would be happy ?

It doesn't seem that you have ever told the older children not to pick the baby up. Just assumed they would know what you want. Did your DSD pick him up because he was crying? You can tell them both that you don't want them to pick him up because his neck is still floppy. Or you can teach them how, and when, to pick him up safely. It doesn't have to be a drama, unless you choose to make it one.

Your DSD is interested in the baby, that should be encouraged. If she's told to keep away, this will really not help their relationship. Show her how to do things, including dressing, nappies and feeding (no babies won't be confused when someone else gives them a bottle). She's 12 and not a toddler.

Then show her how!

I was certainly picking up relative's babies at that age

And not that long ago, children of that age would be caring for babies

He's really not as delicate as you think he is.

Op i think you need to take responsibility for your post and wording rather then imply the replies are harsh simply because you said 'step child '. I honestly don't know what your issue is, you have made this bigger then it is. Said step child is not likely to keep going up to the baby and picking him up, how often is she really likely to do this? All you had to do was say sweetheart if you want to hold the baby let me know and ill give him to you, let me help you because he might be too heavy for you.. anything nice and said with support and reassurance is all it takes. Honestly its not hard to say what you want but really kindly.

Yes she doesn't want to

Gosh I babysat babies at age 12! Teach her how to do it properly.

Oh but you're forgetting the key fact: she doesn't 'want to' teach them.
It's all a load of nonsense. She would rather risk her child's health and upset her SD than come down off her high horse and teach her how to do it safely.

OP is right, this is what is taught and encouraged now. It comes from the UNICEF Baby Friendly Guidance

Responsive-Feeding-Infosheet-Unicef-UK-Baby-Friendly-Initiative.pdf https://share.google/Zvmop44CyqCnmY1YL

(Edited to sort out link)

I didn't know that, thanks for the heads up. He or she probably does it for the attention.

Deep breaths and just show her how to support his head.

The baby was ok , life will be ok.

expressing horror is a bit OTT

You are not being unreasonable, I have friends (in their 30s) that honestly gave me hives at how they would confidently but incorrectly hold my newborn, and as she got older actually.

I come from a big family it's bollocks and don't get upset over the word itself. Everyone is trying to make a name for themselves in their field.

You’re getting a terribly hard time on this post OP. I find it a bit strange! Shocked at the person that tried to say a 4 week old isn’t delicate. These posts seem to invite the strangest and most vicious attitudes towards new mums. Please ignore them. Having recently had a baby I can back you up on the feeding thing.
Maybe it’s a generational thing of people forgetting what it was like to have babies, or alternatively they’re from THAT generation (you know the ones… trying to touch your baby in the supermarket… shudder). maybe some people on this thread need reminding why infant death has dramatically decreased since since 90’s. Survivor bias.

YANBU, I wouldn’t want a 12 year old lifting up my tiny baby either, the “she’s 12 not 2” comments are odd. She’s still a child that doesn’t know how to do it correctly. Her being your SC seems irrelevant but people have obsessively jumped on it.

I would teach her how to do it, but also explain please don’t take him in an out of his Moses basket without you there. You can explain it in a nice way no need to be embarrassed. You’re protecting your child. Don’t let them make you out to be a wicked step mother not wanting a child to man handle your 4 week old baby. People on this site are so weird.

You missed the bit about OP’s bio son being treated the same then ?

No one needs to 'have words'. You need to say 'babies have weak necks, let me show you how to safely pick him up" and demonstrate.

Poor girl.

I don't think this would be an issue if this was your 12 year old daughter.

Once step mums bring another child in to the world, the "D"SC are always the issue.

neither of us have ever shown her how to do it either

What kind of parents are you? You teach your children how to do things properly. You supervise while they get the hang of it. I knew how to pick up a small baby and support its neck from the age of five, when my brother was born. My mum taught me. Why haven't you taught her?