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Original poster

DSD picking newborn up and putting him back in Moses basket

607 replies

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 07:19

My DSD (12) was visiting, our newborn is 4 weeks old and still has a delicate neck. I am happy with DSD holding her brother as long as one of us has put him in a position that keeps his neck supported. She will hold him from time to time if we are in another room.

However to my horror the other day I saw her taking him out of his Moses basket and putting him back.

Am I being unreasonable in that I feel that’s a step too far?

OP posts:
TATT2 · 02/09/2025 09:33

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 07:35

@IlovePhilMitchell the rules for my son are the same and he is 11… until the baby is more able to support himself

But have you explained the rules to her? It doesn't sound like you have. Next time she is holding him "Oh, you do that so well! Would you like to learn to change him on the floor with me? Dad and I need to do all the lifting up, putting down, carrying around etc, for safety, but there's lots of things you can help with if you like" Big smiles, encouraging faces.No telling off or horror. Keep educating as she helps with things. Nice pucs of her with baby.

Original poster
Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 09:33

@Samesame47 read the whole thread including responses..

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Original poster
Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 09:32

@Rosscameasdoody it’s actual insanity on MN. It’s not the first or only SM to post and use the “wrong” wording and all hell break. I haven’t slept in about 4 weeks, I can just about string a sentence together ha.

Anyway I don’t have time time to sift through the messages, so I’ll take the snippets of advice I’ve got an get on with the day

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Samesame47 · 02/09/2025 09:27

If it was her full sister doing that you probably wouldn’t give it a second thought. Babies aren’t as fragile as you think, did you see how they are handled in the delivery room? I am sure she is more than capable of picking up a 4 week old without doing any damage.

limescale · 02/09/2025 09:25

I’d bring both the 11 and 12 yo together and have a “lesson” on how to safely pick baby up. Explain that YOU should have shown them.
Most 12 year olds are well able to understand the neck should be supported.

Hercisback1 · 02/09/2025 09:25

"man handle" the baby. Flip me.

Your whole family clearly has issues with holding babies. Teach your kids now so they don't grow up with the same issues.

StayALittleLonger · 02/09/2025 09:24

Teach her how to pick up and put down your baby safely. Lots of 12 year old wouldn’t be very interested in a baby, especially a half sibling, so it’s nice that she is.

Original poster
Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 09:24

@amtrying this is absolutely hilarious, approachable? You’ve have read at most a page worth of me talking, how on gods earth would you be able to come to that conclusion.

Jesus Christ, my son is not the only delicate one it would seem.

OP posts:
RedwallMattimeo · 02/09/2025 09:23

Surely in that situation you say something like “thank you for giving him a cuddle. We have to be quite protective whilst he’s so young. Let me show you the safest way to do it”.

Are you not involving her in bath time, nappy changes and all of those sorts of things? What about letting her take the baby for a walk in the pram by herself? If you’re not ebf, are you showing her how to make up bottles and give the baby a bottle?
Two of my cousins are 11yrs & 13yrs younger than me. They lived 200 miles away but we saw them relatively often and either stayed with them or they stayed with us. When my own DC were born, I realised any child rearing knowledge I had was based on seeing and being involved in looking after them. And yes, that had involved taking the youngest out for a walk up & down the road when she was really unsettled. And helping give her a bath. I was certainly getting them out of the moses basket when they were very little.

Original poster
Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 09:22

@Cheesyfootballs01 so sifting through the utter sh*te I’ve received, following the more helpful posts.
yes a sit down and explanation will happen with both kids in a better manner than what has been

OP posts:
Soontobesingles · 02/09/2025 09:21

This thread is ridiculous. Of course a stepchild who doesn’t live in the home full time is ‘visiting’. That’s how most people see it, including the child.

I would also be uncomfortable with any child picking up my newborn unsupervised - but you do need to say something to her. She won’t know the rules if you don’t express the rules.

amtrying · 02/09/2025 09:20

Blessthismess2 · 02/09/2025 07:59

I can understand why the poor child might feel upset and embarrassed in this context- if such an innocent, harmless act could invoke such “horror” in her step mum. She must feel like she’s walking on eggshells. 😔

Show quote history

My thoughts completely . OP doesn’t come across as an approachable lady.
A 12 year old is more than capable of holding a newborn after being shown the correct way l.

Original poster
Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 09:20

@Heartsonfire one of the few posts I am going to take advice on, thank you for reading the post properly and with a bit of empathy/undestanding from a cautious parent!

I think the not showing them probably wasn’t the greatest idea and you are right just explain not for now but when he’s a bit stronger it will be fine.

he’s so so delicate, so people are WILD for saying any different. My brother and father both of which have children didn’t want to hold him for the first few weeks because they were worried they were going to break him. Just because these posters allow their other children to man handle their precious delicate baby, doesn’t mean I have to.

thanks for the advice again!

OP posts:
Cheesyfootballs01 · 02/09/2025 09:20

So @Pinkpetal9999 , after all your updates are you going to just sit both your kids down and say that only you and daddy are allowed to pick the baby up while she is young??

If you can’t do that why not ask the HV to say something when they visit?

Original poster
Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 09:15

@Maddy70 so count your lucky stars she wasn’t yours then hey!

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Original poster
Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 09:15

@BoredZelda i actually think you’ve just not read through the post
we didnt teach either kids, because we didn’t want them picking son up until he was able to hold his neck himself.
i tagged the person because they posted on as post and I agreed with what they said.

OP posts:
SENMum1727 · 02/09/2025 09:14

OP ignore the horrible posts - they are just trying to bait and upset you and make you respond. Most mums would agree you should listen to your midwife on any advice on feeding.

BreadstickBurglar · 02/09/2025 09:12

I think just take a step back, she is clearly interested in the baby which is a good thing, show her and the other child how to lift the baby properly. There are middle aged men out there who don’t know how to do that as they’ve never been shown.

In the old days your 12 year old might have been looking after the baby while you were at work! Glad we’re not in that situation now but they are often pretty capable when shown what to do. My friend’s 9 year old was brilliant with my baby because she has baby cousins and had been given “the training” 😊

Maddy70 · 02/09/2025 09:11

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 08:26

@Falseknock my midwife said for the “4th trimester” whilst baby figures out the world and who is who, to keep feeding to just the two of us. So that he can associate our smell with being fed and identify us as his care givers. Apparently passing them around to everyone and letting different people do things such as feeding can cause babies to be overstimulated and confused… ultimately leading to a terrible couple of days restlessness

Your midwife is a quack utter nonsense

Original poster
Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 09:11

@Falseknock I’m aware what forum I’m posting on, however this is the old “well I did it this way and my kids are fine” line.

Infact just because it’s how you raised your child, doesn’t mean others can’t follow the advice they are given.

OP posts:
SomeOfTheTrouble · 02/09/2025 09:09

Rayqueen · 02/09/2025 09:06

Being unreasonable my oldest daughter's are 7 and they merrily carry around there twin sisters who adore the attention, sons are older 11.13.15 and all carry them aswell. Not sure what the problem is for you tbh

I think the problem is that the OP hasn’t taught her to pick the baby up properly, and is now upset that she didn’t pick the baby up properly 🤦🏻‍♀️.
OP all this could be solved by talking to her. ‘We’d rather you didn’t pick him up until he’s a bit older and stronger’, or ‘this is the correct way to pick up a newborn’, or ‘here’s how to do it, but please only do it when we’re supervising’. How else is a 12 year old going to learn what they can or can’t do, if the adults involved in their care don’t tell them?

Rayqueen · 02/09/2025 09:06

Being unreasonable my oldest daughter's are 7 and they merrily carry around there twin sisters who adore the attention, sons are older 11.13.15 and all carry them aswell. Not sure what the problem is for you tbh

SomeOfTheTrouble · 02/09/2025 09:06

If you’re not comfortable with it then speak to her. There’s nothing we can do about it.

Original poster
Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 09:06

@TammyJones my son has colic so unfortunately nothing anyone says regarding feeding will change my mind on it being parents only.

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Original poster
Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 09:05

@Balloonhearts was screaming after being picked up? Not reason he was being picked up

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