Page 17 | DSD picking newborn up and putting him back in Moses basket

Pinkpetal9999 · 2025-09-02T06:19:55+00:00

My DSD (12) was visiting, our newborn is 4 weeks old and still has a delicate neck. I am happy with DSD holding her brother as long as one of us has put him in a position that keeps his neck supported. She will hold him from time to time if we are in another room. However to my horror the other day I saw her taking him out of his Moses basket and putting him back. Am I being unreasonable in that I feel that’s a step too far?

Original poster

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 09:58

@nomas no wording/additional info/less info, would make people on MN happy. So if your hung up on the wording I’ve used, just scoot on and find another topic.

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ByAgileLemonPoet · 02/09/2025 09:57

Oh and never ever come on here as a stepmother and ask a question you’ll get a pile on as MN hates stepmothers and thinks they are all evil.

seratoninmoonbeams · 02/09/2025 09:56

itsobviousright · 02/09/2025 07:30

So teach her, but have a little chat about picking up when you're not around/safety rules

This. Simples.

nomas · 02/09/2025 09:55

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 09:05

@Balloonhearts was screaming after being picked up? Not reason he was being picked up

That wasn’t in your OP, you just said DSD picking him up was ‘a step too far’. Weird choice of language. After letting us know in the first 4 words of your post that she is a step-child who visits you (rather than her being in her dad’s home ergo her home too).

If you wanted advice, wouldn’t you have just asked ‘is it reasonable to ask a 12yo child not to pick up a 4 week old baby and to wait for us to put the baby in her arms?’

Original poster

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 09:55

@viques combination feeding which I’m actually finding breast milk seems to be easier on his stomach. I am struggling to get my supply up enough to EBF/express so have to stick with combination for now.
Its frustrating that all advise has been just ride it out, which is heart breaking when he’s in so much pain and discomfort and nothing is helping.

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BCSurvivor · 02/09/2025 09:54

To be fair OP, many babies will cry when being placed back in their Moses basket/cot, as they enjoy the skin to skin contact of a cuddle.
It really doesn't mean that your DSD handled the baby incorrectly, and I do think you're over reacting.
Definite mixed messages, as you're happy for her to be alone in a room with the baby while you are elsewhere, yet you don't seem to want her to have any physical contact with the baby.

ByAgileLemonPoet · 02/09/2025 09:54

Can’t believe the responses OP I would not have been happy about that and made sure she did not do it again. Of course she shouldn’t just be taking him out of his Moses basket he’s not a toy FFS. Please make sure she knows not to do it again and only holds him under supervision. She’s 12 and a child and even an adult should be checking with mum or dad if it’s ok to take a baby out of his Moses basket and not just do it!

viques · 02/09/2025 09:52

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 07:28

we have no issues here holding the baby.

its the safe removal and putting down of the child whilst he’s still so delicate.

No she did not which completely took me back, I didn’t want to embarrass her by explaining what she had done as she’s quite sensitive but neither of us have ever shown her how to do it either

I think you have answered your own question.

You would not hesitate to warn her if she was doing something dangerous that could injure her, “ if you want to use a saw/ axe/filleting knife this is how to do it safely.” You would see it as teaching her a life skill. Picking up the baby safely and knowing why is the same.

Don’t pounce on her. Show her and explain why you are showing her. Do it with a smile on your face and make sure you tell her how much you are enjoying watching her growing confidence and relationship with her half sibling.

( sorry, lost half the post)

Falseknock · 02/09/2025 09:52

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 09:41

@Falseknock he has been on colief since 2 weeks, there’s no improvement. Unfortunately dr has said just ride this one out and at 3/4 months should get better. Absolutely killer but we are doing as much as we can to relieve it - baths, massages, feeding upright, keeping upright as much as possible after a feed. It’s pretty relentless - hence why even more so it’s only me and my partner feeding him and I’m perfectly fine with that. I am not causing our baby to be more uncomfortable and in pain just so any member of the family can feed him

That's understandable I am assuming you are bottle feeding. Could he have an intolerance to the formula milk? You could try changing the brand to goat milk formula. Obviously talk to your HV first and ask what she thinks. If you are breastfeeding or expressing it could be something you are eating. You have 5 months left of the baby drama and then as soon as your baby starts solids that will be it.

Noelshighflyingturds · 02/09/2025 09:52

ishimbob · 02/09/2025 08:12

At 12 you were looking after 4 week old babies all day? Your relatives sound like terrible parents.

At 12 in the 90s, I was babysitting but not tiny newborns

Edited

Show quote history

And yet she’s a strapping 40 year-old with a baby of her own no broken , It must be a miracle !

Original poster

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 09:52

Ah right, anyway off to enjoy the rest of my day. Will speak to DSD and DS about safely moving child but explain not to until baby can hold neck properly.

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InMyShowgirlEra · 02/09/2025 09:49

"To your horror" you saw a 12 yo pick up and put down a baby?!

She's 12, she's his sister and she's not "visiting"- your home is her home now.

You have a case of the PFB but your SD is also your husband's child and part of your family.

Original poster

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 09:46

@rainingsnoring agreed on the mistake

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Original poster

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 09:45

@RoseAlone yes my next plan way to have her move into the cupboard under the stairs, with only a bell and no windows. Dont be so ridiculous

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rainingsnoring · 02/09/2025 09:45

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 09:20

@Heartsonfire one of the few posts I am going to take advice on, thank you for reading the post properly and with a bit of empathy/undestanding from a cautious parent!

I think the not showing them probably wasn’t the greatest idea and you are right just explain not for now but when he’s a bit stronger it will be fine.

he’s so so delicate, so people are WILD for saying any different. My brother and father both of which have children didn’t want to hold him for the first few weeks because they were worried they were going to break him. Just because these posters allow their other children to man handle their precious delicate baby, doesn’t mean I have to.

thanks for the advice again!

Your father and brother's behaviour is very unusual, assuming that they actually took an active role in caring for their own children. I imagine that their attitude has made you even more anxious. Most 12 year olds should be more than capable with a simple explanation but it's up to you. Your mistake was that neither of you thought to speak to your DSS.

Original poster

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 09:44

@Chick981 DH agrees, I asked if I was unreasonable about a 12 year old picking up baby off her own accord. I didn’t ask if I was unreasonable for making the same rules for my step daughter as my son, nor did I say my terrible step daughter should never hold her brother.
I’m taking advice and understanding that the no holding may not be reasonable for either children. But I’m not going to sit here and agree to the utter cow pat coming from some posters who are here to misread and misunderstand everything because all SM must be struck down

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RoseAlone · 02/09/2025 09:43

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 07:30

Visiting, staying with us, it was a quick and to the point post. The living arrangements we have really make no difference to this post

Your attitude does though. Red flags everywhere!

Original poster

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 09:41

@Falseknock he has been on colief since 2 weeks, there’s no improvement. Unfortunately dr has said just ride this one out and at 3/4 months should get better. Absolutely killer but we are doing as much as we can to relieve it - baths, massages, feeding upright, keeping upright as much as possible after a feed. It’s pretty relentless - hence why even more so it’s only me and my partner feeding him and I’m perfectly fine with that. I am not causing our baby to be more uncomfortable and in pain just so any member of the family can feed him

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RoseAlone · 02/09/2025 09:41

I see trouble ahead! You need to check your attitude to this little girl before you cause serious problems.

Chick981 · 02/09/2025 09:40

I hate it when posters ask if they’re being unreasonable, get told by the majority they are, and then double down. If you’re so sure you’re in the right why bother asking, just tell DSD not to do it again. What does your DH think about it all or is he not allowed an opinion?

Falseknock · 02/09/2025 09:39

Womblingmerrily · 02/09/2025 09:35

Babies are seriously not that delicate - they have been squeezed out through a vagina with their skull plates squashed together.

They are tough and do not need the sort of over careful handling that you are suggesting.

I feel sorry for the 12 year old - I was babysitting on my own at that age.

My son looked like Hey Arnold the football head after I gave to him with a forcep delivery. He's fine now with a normal shaped head.

Falseknock · 02/09/2025 09:37

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 09:06

@TammyJones my son has colic so unfortunately nothing anyone says regarding feeding will change my mind on it being parents only.

Buy colief it's pricey for what you get but it's a life saver. I used it on all 4 of my children and it helped.

Womblingmerrily · 02/09/2025 09:35

Babies are seriously not that delicate - they have been squeezed out through a vagina with their skull plates squashed together.

They are tough and do not need the sort of over careful handling that you are suggesting.

I feel sorry for the 12 year old - I was babysitting on my own at that age.

Falseknock · 02/09/2025 09:34

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 09:11

@Falseknock I’m aware what forum I’m posting on, however this is the old “well I did it this way and my kids are fine” line.

Infact just because it’s how you raised your child, doesn’t mean others can’t follow the advice they are given.

No matter how much advice that is given to parents they will do what is comfortable for them, and that's okay. Remember there are first time parents on here who are feeling the pressure. My last child is younger than your son he's 10. The midwives did like to pressure me into breastfeeding after my vagina was cut open for a forceps delivery. The midwives thought I was fine to push because I had 3 previous straightforward births. My son enjoyed being held and it gave me time to recover.

All babies have different temperament's. My second baby slept all night didn't need a night feed at all. I mixed fed her between bottle and breast. My last baby didn't want to come out he was too comfortable.

Original poster

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 09:34

@Hercisback1 my whole family has issues, but you are continuously coming back to comment on a post you do not agree with (rather than ignore and continue your day), to argue with a stranger on the internet?

I’d be inclined to say the person with the issue isn’t part of my family.

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