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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DSD picking newborn up and putting him back in Moses basket

607 replies

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 07:19

My DSD (12) was visiting, our newborn is 4 weeks old and still has a delicate neck. I am happy with DSD holding her brother as long as one of us has put him in a position that keeps his neck supported. She will hold him from time to time if we are in another room.

However to my horror the other day I saw her taking him out of his Moses basket and putting him back.

Am I being unreasonable in that I feel that’s a step too far?

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 11:58

can someone explain because I’m still not following?

OP posts:
RimTimTagiDim · 02/09/2025 11:58

MyKindHiker · 02/09/2025 11:57

why???

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Because she's searching other posters' posts in her desperation to pretend she didn't mean what she said. It's only fair to share her posting history.

MyKindHiker · 02/09/2025 11:57

RimTimTagiDim · 02/09/2025 11:56

You namechanged for this thread (interesting...)

So let's see your other names and what else you've posted.

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why???

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 02/09/2025 11:57

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 11:55

@ArtTheClownIsNotAMime my other usernames? You’ve lost me…? Are you insinuating I make other log ins for different posts? If so, respectfully WTAF

Not logins. Usernames.

RimTimTagiDim · 02/09/2025 11:56

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 11:55

@ArtTheClownIsNotAMime my other usernames? You’ve lost me…? Are you insinuating I make other log ins for different posts? If so, respectfully WTAF

You namechanged for this thread (interesting...)

So let's see your other names and what else you've posted.

Petitchat · 02/09/2025 11:56

MushroomQueen · 02/09/2025 11:50

I am quite surprised you havent shown her the right way to hold baby, literally the day I came home both brothers held their baby sister on the couch being shown how to hold and explained about the neck and needing to ask to move and hold baby ages 5 and 7. I get youre anxious but try and explain and ask for her to hold baby for pictures in a safe supported position so she can enjoy her sibling.

It not the holding, it's the lifting in and out.

Original poster
Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 11:55

@ArtTheClownIsNotAMime my other usernames? You’ve lost me…? Are you insinuating I make other log ins for different posts? If so, respectfully WTAF

OP posts:
Petitchat · 02/09/2025 11:54

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 02/09/2025 10:21

"My stepdaughter picked up my newborn." No need at all to point out that she isn't there all the time.

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And here you have it guys.
The alternative wording to "my stepdaughter visited"

Well, thats that sorted then.
Maybe we can now get on with the subject at hand, which is the lifting baby in and out ...

MyKindHiker · 02/09/2025 11:54

sigh

Familiar pattern.

OP: AIBU?
Mumnset: yes.
OP: NO I'M NOT.

OK. Don't ask then.

Original poster
Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 11:51

@MushroomQueen again selective blindness. She has been shown how to support his head when holding. My post is regarding picking him up and putting him down - completely different

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 11:50

@Petitchat if I had referred to her as just my daughter I would have been ripped to shreds for trying to replace her mother. This site is the bloody Wild West 😂😂

if I hadn’t mentioned she was “visiting” (god strike me down again) I would have been accused of not letting her bond with her sibling in her full time home. You cannot win with this ridiculousness

OP posts:
MushroomQueen · 02/09/2025 11:50

I am quite surprised you havent shown her the right way to hold baby, literally the day I came home both brothers held their baby sister on the couch being shown how to hold and explained about the neck and needing to ask to move and hold baby ages 5 and 7. I get youre anxious but try and explain and ask for her to hold baby for pictures in a safe supported position so she can enjoy her sibling.

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 02/09/2025 11:49

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 11:46

@ArtTheClownIsNotAMime also I see you have written on another post about a woman who shouted at her toddler and said “I hate you” that it’s fine and not to worry about it. But me saying I don’t want either of the kids handling the baby until he’s a bit more robust a problem… interesting

Let's have your other usernames so we can see what else you've posted. I bet it would be very revealing.

Original poster
Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 11:46

@ArtTheClownIsNotAMime also I see you have written on another post about a woman who shouted at her toddler and said “I hate you” that it’s fine and not to worry about it. But me saying I don’t want either of the kids handling the baby until he’s a bit more robust a problem… interesting

OP posts:
PattySpringsteensHorse · 02/09/2025 11:44

AleynEivlys · 02/09/2025 11:38

I personally wouldn't want anybody picking up my very new baby without asking first. 🤷🏼‍♂️ I wouldn't pick up someone else's very new baby without asking first either. That would apply to both my daughters, aged 11 and 8, and anybody else who wasn't the baby's father.

Also, I'm not sure what word the OP should have used to avoid this pile-on. Unless the child lives there full-time or the vast majority of the time, then of course she is visiting. It doesn't mean her SM doesn't like her, doesn't want her there or doesn't see her as part of the family. There has been absolutely no derogatory language or comment aimed at the SD by her SM that I can see, so this assumption by some posters is a massive, and quite malicious, stretch.

I completely agree, none of our older children were allowed to pick up their newborn siblings without one of us being there to supervise and it was always myself or their dad who lifted the baby out of the cot/moses basket to let them hold the baby while they were seated. The pile on the OP is awful for simply asking a question. Everyone parents differently and has different rules.

Petitchat · 02/09/2025 11:44

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 02/09/2025 10:21

"My stepdaughter picked up my newborn." No need at all to point out that she isn't there all the time.

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So now, we shouldn't say that our stepchildren are visiting or staying with us.
According to you, we shouldn't even point out that they're not there all the time?

🤣 🤣 🤣

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 02/09/2025 11:41

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 11:36

I’ve also just rechecked and @ArtTheClownIsNotAMime has not offered alternative wording.

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You didn't check very carefully. 10:21.

SummerFrog25 · 02/09/2025 11:41

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 08:03

@Blessthismess2 yes I’m the wicked evil step mother that treats all children differently.

it’s one rule for all in our house.

that includes waiting for LO to be older before moving him around. Ask us to hold him, not a problem. Anything else we’ve agreed we do ourselves.

i understand the suggestion around feeding, but our midwife advised to keep feeding to just the two of us, to save confusion and make sure LO is clear who does that. Lots have changed in 11 years so it’s COMPLETELY different to having children 2 years apart

🙄🙄🙄

Original poster
Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 11:41

@KarmenPQZ weird comment

OP posts:
AleynEivlys · 02/09/2025 11:38

I personally wouldn't want anybody picking up my very new baby without asking first. 🤷🏼‍♂️ I wouldn't pick up someone else's very new baby without asking first either. That would apply to both my daughters, aged 11 and 8, and anybody else who wasn't the baby's father.

Also, I'm not sure what word the OP should have used to avoid this pile-on. Unless the child lives there full-time or the vast majority of the time, then of course she is visiting. It doesn't mean her SM doesn't like her, doesn't want her there or doesn't see her as part of the family. There has been absolutely no derogatory language or comment aimed at the SD by her SM that I can see, so this assumption by some posters is a massive, and quite malicious, stretch.

KarmenPQZ · 02/09/2025 11:38

YABVU if the poor girl needs to ask permission for physical contact with her sibling then you need to ask her permission from her for physical contact with her dad!

Original poster
Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 11:36

Petitchat · 02/09/2025 11:27

Where? Apologies if I missed it

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I’ve also just rechecked and @ArtTheClownIsNotAMime has not offered alternative wording.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 11:30

@Thedoorisalwaysopen the fact you’ve just managed to respond to that is laughable. Enjoy your day

OP posts:
Thedoorisalwaysopen · 02/09/2025 11:29

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 11:20

@Thedoorisalwaysopen sorry let me hop in my Time Machine and change history

well it's too late for that. How about getting off the internet and doing it now!

Original poster
Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 11:29

@SummerFrog25 thats wildly irresponsible to leave a 12 year old in charge of a newborn and going out of the house. I’m sorry but that is not okay whether you used to do it or not.

OP posts: