DSD picking newborn up and putting him back in Moses basket

@Pinkpetal9999

The simplest thing to do here is to gather the children (bio or step) and explain that due to the baby being very young and not yet having good head or neck or control, may they please come and ask you or dad before they pick up the baby or put the baby down.

When they do come and ask you just demonstrate how the pick up or put down should be done, and remind them again that before all pick ups or put downs they need to check with Mum or Dad first, every single time.

You phase the post in dramatic language then act shocked with responses? Your post implies ill intent

@Itstheshowgirl

I agree with your post. I’m not an ex wife and our family lives all together, but my heart naturally goes out to a 12 year old girl who was staying with her dad and step mum, and who made her step mum feel ‘horror’ because she’d picked up the new born baby. Teaching a 12 year old to pick up and hold a new born is important, but I had an instinctive reaction towards the 12 year old girl, wanted her to feel included, wanting her to feel accepted in the family and also wanting her to enjoy her sibling. This naturally lead me and others to form a lot of assumptions, not necessarily accurate, but there is a reason for this.

The OP’s responses then seemed really defensive and a bit mean which reinforces the idea that something is off about the dynamic. That may well be wrong but, again, there is a reason why this created a similar reaction with many of the readers.

@Pinkpetal9999, I’d leave this post now if I were you because a vast majority of posters on here are batshit.
It’s irrelevant whether it was your step daughter/biological son/or any other person other than your husband that picked the sleeping baby up. Nobody should be doing that without your permission! End of.
All this’ ‘Oh the poor girl’ blah blah blah. She shouldn’t be picking a sleeping newborn up. The baby isn’t a toy or a plaything ffs!

Hey OP, I think your concern is completely reasonable.

I wasn't comfortable with anyone picking up my then 4 week old without me being present in the room (apart from my husband, mum, dad and MIL, FIL)

I once witnessed my SIL pick up my then newborn in a completely awkward and unsafe manner.

Of course reassure your DSD that she can have bonding time / hold baby whenever she would like to and all she needs to do is ask you to help / supervise.

It is human nature to be protective of your little one, and for a good reason - don't be sorry for it and ignore all the rude comments

Op's baby, if she doesn't want them picked up by the kids before x amount of months without help that's her decision.
Yanbu.

@Pinkpetal9999

Is there anyone you can trust to hold or watch the baby for a few hours, so that you can get some rest?

There are lots of reasons that someone might not want their baby picked up at random points, my MIL used to come in and pick mine up straight away even if I had just got them off to sleep, I asked her not too and she didn’t care one bit. Babies aren’t toys and parents should be asked before they are picked up.

The step daughter thing is what has got people riled up and while there are many, many awful threads from step-mothers being horrible about their step children on MN I don’t think this is one of them.

Although OP you do yourself no favours calling people the ex wife club. I am no ex wife but still take the side of the step child in almost every post as I think a lot of step parents on this platform are vile, like I say though in the case of this thread I think you would have different answers if it was your own child you posted about.

OP, not everyone here is crazy and there have been a lot of sensible posts. You posted on AIBU and most people have responded to say you were unreasonable and they explained why. The reason this thread is dragging on is because you seem to have dismissed the majority view and have become really defensive. That doesn’t work very well with this forum because it then all descends into an argument. If you want to persuade others that you are right, that isn’t going to work here. If you are sure you are right then there’s no point posting about it. If you are open to advice or other perspectives then this can be a helpful forum.

The difficulty with combination feeding is it can actually have the effect of supply going down.
Are you getting support from Breastfeeding experts?

I would express frequently and put baby to breast more often. Reduce formula and top up only after BF and reduce amount each time.

By BF even if you don't think baby is getting any milk it sends the order to make more milk by using formula and bottles it tells your body milk isn't needed so body makes less and bottles can confuse the baby suckling and make it harder to get milk.
I would stop dad feeding with bottles asap and if necessary get a supplementry feeding system so baby is only in breast but getting top ups at same time via tube next to breast but this may not be necessary if you just sit and feed every time baby is hungry switching sides as many times as needed

When I had my baby earlier this year, we were very clear with all the children that they weren’t to pick up the baby willy nilly and to ask if they wanted to hold. Ages range from 14-8.

"I love the fact that you care for your brother, he's very lucky to have you as his big sister. Let me show you how to take him in and out safely." Then ask her something relevant about herself.

I think this too

It’s not hard actually to damage a newborn and they need careful lifting to support their neck. But a 12 year old can be taught that.

I'm not arguing with you. I'm saying that your response is disproportionate, and that the best course of action is to teach both children how to pick up their sibling correctly. Life lessons for them and means everyone is safe.
You do you though, why would all us people bother commenting...... 🤨

Wow, what an unpleasant stretch based on the language OP used initially and which she has explained. The policing of language used and the subsequent attachment of things which only exist in posters heads is really getting in the way of reasoned debate on MN lately.

Another great example of both childishness and unintelligence. You may want to revise your knowledge of the word hyperbole.

It was actually a sarcastic comment. You may like to check the definition of hyperbole before using the term again, but if not, examples might include 'I cried a river of tears' or 'I died laughing'.

Nice try at using a 'clever' word, though.

Joining the chorus to say that you need to show her (and your son) how to handle the baby safely.

Many years ago my younger brother, aged 12, was involved with the care of our (much) younger sister from day one, holding, feeding, winding, (terry) nappy changes, the works. Our mother was ill and we all mucked in. She was and is absolutely fine.

Just curious and sorry if I've missed it, but is he especially delicate or just newborn delicate?

Don't be so ridiculous!

They really do though. The child's fathers home, is her home, and you clearly see her as an intruder, and she dared touch your pnb. You are seriously out of order here, wholly and exclusively

You should have gently corrected her in the moment. That was your mistake.
She needs to know NOT to pick her baby DC up without either parent there: baby DC is a delicate human, not a bloody toy.

You need to show her. It's stuff we need to learn anyway and babies can't have enough people who love them.

Babies are tougher than you think though.