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Original poster

DSD picking newborn up and putting him back in Moses basket

607 replies

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 07:19

My DSD (12) was visiting, our newborn is 4 weeks old and still has a delicate neck. I am happy with DSD holding her brother as long as one of us has put him in a position that keeps his neck supported. She will hold him from time to time if we are in another room.

However to my horror the other day I saw her taking him out of his Moses basket and putting him back.

Am I being unreasonable in that I feel that’s a step too far?

OP posts:
Petitchat · 02/09/2025 19:40

Blessthismess2 · 02/09/2025 19:02

Being present with her family?

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So, the DSD was there, being present with her family...

😁 😁 😁

Petitchat · 02/09/2025 19:37

Didimum · 02/09/2025 18:09

Yet another horrendous, bullying, nasty AF pile on to an OP. This forum seriously needs to change.

Well done for standing up for yourself, OP.

Yes, that's what I thought.
People really need to stand up to these bullying thread derailers.
Well done from me too, OP.

Petitchat · 02/09/2025 19:31

Anotherdayanotherusername111 · 02/09/2025 14:14

Jesus I trust my 5 year old to pick up the newborn baby. I take it its your first. You are being very precious. Like ppl have said its her home too, she is definitely not visiting!

Definitely not visiting.

If she doesn't live there and is there for the day, what IS she doing then?

Dropping by?
Calling round?
Coming over?

What?

Readyforslippers · 02/09/2025 19:27

I dont understand the problem. It isn't that hard to gently put a baby down, especially for a 12 year old.

Emmafuller79 · 02/09/2025 19:26

Namechangerage · 02/09/2025 08:26

Your response was a tad dramatic though 🤣

PROTECT YOUR BABY AGAINST THE EVIL STEPSISTER!!!!

Just no!! All OP needs to do is ask DSD not to pick baby up without you there, to be safe. Say that she is very welcome to have a cuddle and you can bring baby over and teach her what to do. Why does it even matter that the stepdaughter isn’t her biological daughter?

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Is that your best reply?😂 I dont know what your going on about. My toddler makes more sense then you! have a day of 👍

Didimum · 02/09/2025 19:25

Blessthismess2 · 02/09/2025 19:02

Being present with her family?

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Why isn’t she being present with her family in the first place?

Didimum · 02/09/2025 19:23

Blessthismess2 · 02/09/2025 18:59

I do think it’s rude to call a mum a “bio mum”, unless the context is the child was given up for adoption or something like that. Can you not see why?

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It’s just casual language on an internet forum. Completely unnecessary for anyone to rip the shit out of anyone over it.

Didimum · 02/09/2025 19:19

AstonScrapingsNameChange · 02/09/2025 18:10

OK, but that doesn't explain why she can't just say that to the other children, rather than making a big drama out of it. His head still isn't going to fall off. Its all so dramatic!

I still feel sorry for the 'visiting' stepdaughter.

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Feels like you’re being plenty dramatic for everyone…

Falseknock · 02/09/2025 19:14

purpleme12 · 02/09/2025 19:01

Yep

And I think the vast majority of people would agree that it's not right to say 'biological' mum unless in the context of an adoption

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Who would care apart from what is said on Mumsnet. Bored people come on here to vent or off load. Why would someone be offended at being called bio mum. Most people are not that sensitive.

Original poster
Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 19:13

@Didimum let’s hope said people aren’t raising children who act as they do

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 19:05

@Blessthismess2 i mean this in terms of context of the sentence. So how would PP have phrased what I said?

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 19:05

@purpleme12 I really don’t see any issue in it. If my eldest son’s step mum referred to me as my son’s biological mum I wouldn’t lose any sleep or find any offence in it.

OP posts:
Blessthismess2 · 02/09/2025 19:02

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 18:55

@AstonScrapingsNameChange please enlighten me as to what she is doing then, or what you would say she is doing?

Being present with her family?

purpleme12 · 02/09/2025 19:01

Blessthismess2 · 02/09/2025 18:59

I do think it’s rude to call a mum a “bio mum”, unless the context is the child was given up for adoption or something like that. Can you not see why?

Show quote history

Yep

And I think the vast majority of people would agree that it's not right to say 'biological' mum unless in the context of an adoption

Blessthismess2 · 02/09/2025 18:59

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 13:21

@Rosscameasdoody MN is rife for it, very strange. I saw someone get eaten alive for calling their DSD mother her bio mother the other day. It wasn’t exactly needed in the post but it wasn’t to cause offence it was just to be clear and Jesus Christ did the ex wives club come out in force.
Said child wanted to call her mum as she had been a bit part of her life, yet apparently she was to fault. Absolute insanity.

I do think it’s rude to call a mum a “bio mum”, unless the context is the child was given up for adoption or something like that. Can you not see why?

Original poster
Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 18:55

@AstonScrapingsNameChange please enlighten me as to what she is doing then, or what you would say she is doing?

OP posts:
AstonScrapingsNameChange · 02/09/2025 18:10

Ellie1015 · 02/09/2025 15:39

It is not her first child. She has an 11 year old son who has been mentioned a few times.

It doesn't matter what other people do, if this mum would rather the siblings did not lift her baby that is her (and dh) perfectly reasonable choice. Baby is passed to siblings whenever they like so plenty of opportunity to bond.

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OK, but that doesn't explain why she can't just say that to the other children, rather than making a big drama out of it. His head still isn't going to fall off. Its all so dramatic!

I still feel sorry for the 'visiting' stepdaughter.

Didimum · 02/09/2025 18:09

Yet another horrendous, bullying, nasty AF pile on to an OP. This forum seriously needs to change.

Well done for standing up for yourself, OP.

Ellie1015 · 02/09/2025 15:39

AstonScrapingsNameChange · 02/09/2025 14:45

Is this baby your first, by any chance?

'Delicate' - has he got some additional physical problems that you're not telling us about? His head isn't going to fall off you know!

Please also have some consideration for the poor 12 year old whose life has changed considerably with the appearance of a new baby sibling and who you just see as a 'visitor'. Its her home too no matter how much/ little time she spends with you. By being in a relationship with her father, you are in loco parentis whether you like it or not. Please don't make her feel like she can't even touch her sibling.

A quick explanation and demo of how to pick him up safely is all that is needed (which would have been much easier than posting on here).

Show quote history

It is not her first child. She has an 11 year old son who has been mentioned a few times.

It doesn't matter what other people do, if this mum would rather the siblings did not lift her baby that is her (and dh) perfectly reasonable choice. Baby is passed to siblings whenever they like so plenty of opportunity to bond.

AstonScrapingsNameChange · 02/09/2025 14:45

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 07:19

My DSD (12) was visiting, our newborn is 4 weeks old and still has a delicate neck. I am happy with DSD holding her brother as long as one of us has put him in a position that keeps his neck supported. She will hold him from time to time if we are in another room.

However to my horror the other day I saw her taking him out of his Moses basket and putting him back.

Am I being unreasonable in that I feel that’s a step too far?

Is this baby your first, by any chance?

'Delicate' - has he got some additional physical problems that you're not telling us about? His head isn't going to fall off you know!

Please also have some consideration for the poor 12 year old whose life has changed considerably with the appearance of a new baby sibling and who you just see as a 'visitor'. Its her home too no matter how much/ little time she spends with you. By being in a relationship with her father, you are in loco parentis whether you like it or not. Please don't make her feel like she can't even touch her sibling.

A quick explanation and demo of how to pick him up safely is all that is needed (which would have been much easier than posting on here).

Midnights68 · 02/09/2025 14:23

If you don’t feel comfortable talking to her about it, is there a reason her dad can’t do it?

I don’t think it’s inherently unreasonable not to want his siblings handling him unsupervised but I don’t see why it’s such a big issue. Isn’t it just a question of gently and affectionately saying (to all siblings) something along the lines of ‘you’re welcome to have a cuddle with your baby brother whenever you want but just let one of us know first - and please don’t wake him when he’s sleeping.’

MissDoubleU · 02/09/2025 14:22

At 12 years old (and younger, actually) I could safely lift a baby and place them back down, as I was taught how to do this. Teach your DSD how to do it or make the rules clear she cannot without supervision.

Anotherdayanotherusername111 · 02/09/2025 14:14

Jesus I trust my 5 year old to pick up the newborn baby. I take it its your first. You are being very precious. Like ppl have said its her home too, she is definitely not visiting!

Blisteringlycold · 02/09/2025 14:13

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 07:33

@beAsensible1 what on earth are you on about? I have said she holds her brother regularly. Which to add she has not felt confident with and has asked up to take him off when she doesn’t want to anymore.
The issue is picking him up and out of the bassinet, which to the above point doesn’t fill me with confidence.

you need to relax. Babies get pulled out of vaginas by the heads in steel brackets, they are very robust.

Alycie · 02/09/2025 14:09

As someone that has been in your DSD position, please do not do anything to jeopardise the bonding. I understand that you would prefer to let her hold the baby in a couple of weeks instead, but if she feels rejected now, it might be too late afterwards. Teenagers feel rejected quite easily.

I would just explain how to hold the baby and if you really don’t want her to, I wouldn’t let them alone for a second so that you are always there to help.

That she wanted to hold the baby while you weren’t there is probably for a reason. She wants to test how it feels to bond with the baby on her own.

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