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Original poster

Furious with DP over money - but AIBU because he’s “stressed”

396 replies

NeedyJoker · 01/09/2025 22:07

My DP is going through some stressful life events at the moment. His child’s mother has decided to move abroad and DSD is with us. She’s obviously upset but she loves being here and we love her being here too.

DP is woeful with money. He regularly spends all his wages on hobbies, takeaways etc. recently I’ve had to pay the mortgage alone. He just wastes it.

Anyway, he’s not been paid in full for July as he took unpaid leave. He got about £1000 and I didn’t see a penny of it. Spent on shit.

I’ve paid for food, DSD nursery, bills, mortgage, dinners out for us, days out for DSD, a weekend away (already booked before all this) with DP and DSD. I’ve spent thousands in July. This was with the understanding that August pay would be back to normal for him.

He told me he’d get his pay check in full today.

He received £350 only.

I said what are we going to do this month? He said, well the same as last month.

I am furious. I will now have to use my savings, and pay for everything again.

DP has said I’ve “got an attitude”, and that my tone was “kicking him when he’s down” when everything’s going on for him.

He said I need to “pick my moments to bring it up”, as it’s pulled him right back down into depression.

He said he doesn’t have time to do his hobby now as he’s struggling financially. He said he thought I didn’t care about money - I don’t, but I’m not a bank?

He is stressed, I get it. But some forethought would help!

OP posts:
BMW6 · 02/09/2025 01:39

His bucket is full of shit BECAUSE HE KEEPS SHITTING INTO IT

SheSaidHummingbird · 02/09/2025 01:29

he spends £££ on cannabis.

For fucks sake, leave!

knitnerd90 · 02/09/2025 01:13

Also, weed isn't that expensive. He's either not working or he's spending it on something else besides.

Francestein · 02/09/2025 01:09

Has anyone mentioned “cocklodger” yet? You are now his nanny and paying for the privilege. This guy hasn’t understood that he can’t afford his hobbies and he isn’t entitled to your support.
Tell him to stop manipulating you with the kid and get his arse in gear or get out.

user1492757084 · 02/09/2025 01:06

Could he have moved onto something stronger than weed?

I think you need to cut ties with him.

Tablesandchairs23 · 02/09/2025 00:51

Come on op. Stop paying for his kid and other essentials. Kick him out.

Chimney24 · 02/09/2025 00:51

OP PLEASE higher your standards

Pryceosh1987 · 02/09/2025 00:46

You may have to lay down the law and be demanding. if he doesnt listen put things in place which causes him to be more helpful. Its not good that he isnt helping around the house and with the bills.

geekygardener · 02/09/2025 00:43

Ew disgusting. You should feel disgusted at a man that doesn’t work, doesn’t look after his child, uses you and treats you like crap. Gross. This is a low quality man.

You do realise you are the prize? Men are always better off in a relationship than women. What are you doing? Seriously? Why would you bother with this shit when you can be better off single or find a man that worships you. Why are you even entertaining this loser? Don’t associate with low quality gross behaviour, you’re better than that

BexBissell · 02/09/2025 00:39

Bonden · 01/09/2025 23:06

Ahh cannabis. Hey ho. What a gem

My thoughts exactly.
So the money goes on takeaways, hobbies .. and drugs?
What a prince of a man!
That poor little girl… left behind by her Mother and waaayy down her Fathers list of priorities.
i understand you feel you can’t leave because of her - but how long can this go on for?

Moveoverdarlin · 02/09/2025 00:28

What a loser.

Namechangerage · 02/09/2025 00:25

NeedyJoker · 01/09/2025 22:55

Yes. He went to his hobby on Saturday and I was with DSD from 10 until 6. Loads of lovely pictures from the hobby and not a thank you to me. Mind you, my brother went with him so it must be a selfish man thing

Show quote history

Jesus Christ. He’s a selfish prick. Your brother doesn’t have responsibility to you or DSD, so kindly, it’s not “just a selfish man thing”. It’s a him thing.

Kick this one out, no guilt. He needs to be a grown up. The poor kid (what kind of mum does she have?!) is not your responsibility.

Also, why was she in holiday club if he only worked enough to earn £350? Ask yourself that….

TryingToBeHelpful267 · 02/09/2025 00:24

He smokes weed and doesn’t pay his share so he’s a loser. That’s it I’m sorry op. He won’t change I feel very sorry for his child

Gladysknightjustwalkinmyshoes · 02/09/2025 00:17

BMW6 · 01/09/2025 22:16

He's lying to you. What's he really up to?

Definitely if he normally clears 2G for full time then £350 is less than a week's wage.
He really needs to grow up and he's taking the piss out of you big time.

PruthePrune · 02/09/2025 00:14

In her next update OP will tell us that she's pregnant...

Someone2025 · 02/09/2025 00:12

NeedyJoker · 01/09/2025 22:54

It started with an extra £20 or so every month and it’s escalated to this.

whenever I bring up and issue it’s said at the wrong time, in the wrong tone, or I’m adding to his “already shit filled bucket”.

he’s said sorry for “taking it out on me” but not for his reckless spending.

he spends £££ on cannabis.

Stop bailing him out, maybe then he will pull the finger out and get off his ass

I’m afraid you have landed yourself with a bad one here,…..lazy, immature, not responsible, bad with money, smokes cannabis, …..I’m honestly staggered that some women decide to procreate with men like this

Ivelostmyglasses · 02/09/2025 00:09

If the house is joint tell him you can't afford it anymore and will be putting it on the market. Give him an invoice for what he owes you so far. He can't have hobbies and drugs while you are paying for everything and doing additional childcare. Who cares if he gets upset, he is assuming you are going to continue to pay for everything.

Dannydevitoiloveyourart · 02/09/2025 00:08

Don’t pay the childcare fees - it’s not your liability or problem. Neither is his daughter as harsh as that sounds. He can look after her since he’s not actually doing any work.

They need to go as he has no respect for you. The little girl has two parents and can maybe join her mum if your ex can’t get his act together.

I can’t believe you would pay the bills so he can take drugs- that’s not in your interests or his daughters. She needs to be with her mum or with grandparents, and he needs to be out of yours and his daughters life until he learns to prioritise her.

Emmafuller79 · 02/09/2025 00:05

CrumbsInMyBra · 01/09/2025 23:40

Not sure what you want us to say about this? You picked him I guess…

So has he just been skipping out on work taking unpaid leave in the month of July and again now too in the month of August? Why has he been paid so little and why are you allowing him to leach off you and get away with it? It doesn’t sound like you’re married to him so why are you putting up with this?

I have a lot of questions. I can’t get my head around what drives women to financially support a grown ass man that they are not married to and have no kids with. What keeps them there in that situation, is it desperation? I’m not trying to be mean here OP but why are you in this mess really?

Yes yes yes to this!
I don’t get these women who do this. One day they may just wake up and find out but it may be to late… as in she may be to old to have a child of her own!

Emmafuller79 · 02/09/2025 00:03

Dopeydoraz · 01/09/2025 23:19

Wow this man is trouble. He could ruin your life and leave you broke and blame it on you

Also she may loose the chance of ever becoming a mum herself

WinterSunglasses · 02/09/2025 00:02

NeedyJoker · 01/09/2025 22:54

It started with an extra £20 or so every month and it’s escalated to this.

whenever I bring up and issue it’s said at the wrong time, in the wrong tone, or I’m adding to his “already shit filled bucket”.

he’s said sorry for “taking it out on me” but not for his reckless spending.

he spends £££ on cannabis.

whenever I bring up and issue it’s said at the wrong time, in the wrong tone, or I’m adding to his “already shit filled bucket”

So if you're going to be wrong whenever you bring it up, you may as well just do it, not wait for the mythical better time that will never come!

Tell him straight. No more hobbies (they're not a sodding human right), no cannabis, no takeaways. He is being a shit dad and he should be ashamed. He needs a new job. If he can't agree to that and make an effort that is visible within the next two weeks, you will be calling social services about his neglect of his daughter and throwing him out.

Emmafuller79 · 02/09/2025 00:01

ReadingTime · 01/09/2025 23:07

Fuck that OP. He's completely taking the piss out of you.

Yep. He saw her coming

Emmafuller79 · 02/09/2025 00:00

Shoemadlady · 01/09/2025 23:01

I feel sorry for you but desperately sad for his daughter. This can’t carry on. Can you speak to her mum about childcare arrangements as you should absolutely not put up with him financially abusing you this way. I do understand how she’d be upset if you had to leave but maybe after speaking to her mum and knowing he spends so much on drugs she’d be better off with you?

Why has she got to speak to the child’s mum? The dad needs to step up or speak to the mother if his own child. I never get these step family set ups were the woman goes out of her way to raise and pay for another woman’s kids and gets s**t for it

Emmafuller79 · 01/09/2025 23:58

PigletSanders · 01/09/2025 22:58

Jesus fucking Christ. OP. Kindly, what the fuck are you doing?

Shes a people pleaser. Needs to move out, find a good man and have her own kid with that man. No way should she pay for that cock lodged and a child that isnt hers 😡

Emmafuller79 · 01/09/2025 23:57

Naunet · 01/09/2025 22:42

And so I bet you're doing most of the parenting too...

As is always the case when a woman takes on a man with kids of his own. I’d never do it and hope my kids don’t. Step family’s are bloody messy

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