Is it just me or is this weird?...

I have no experience, but I’m sure if you raised a safeguarding issue with social services, then they wouldn’t tell the parents that it was you. Kids need other adults sometimes to look out for them, which sounds like this is you. Please report it. Always better to be safe than sorry!

Yes , but OP has also said they have lied to get benefits ..
They have their 4 year old going around in a buggy with dummies & bottles & talk to her like a baby , this child hasn’t been diagnosed with anything, so why are they doing it ??
God knows what they have said to older child to get him behave the way he does when he’s around other people when they are present..
Very suss that when he is around OP that she finds him completely different, engages well , plays away with her kids ..
There’s something with those parents !

But how many neurotypical children act like this especially since the younger child does it as well? It’s abnormal for children to keep up an act insisted upon by parents for that length of time and consistency. That’s why people are questioning it but are still saying to report to make sure all is ok.

You only have to read the endless threads on here to realise lots of people have no idea about neurodiversity and even if they do, they probably only see it in terms of how those they know are.

Have you not read the post correctly!
They have convinced their child he is autistic, he’s not allowed to speak around people & wears a chew toy around his neck, & then completely normal when he is around OP & her family ..
They are unhinged & should not be caring for children !!!!
They are trying to convince their 4 year old she is a baby !!! Jesus Christ .. Report these individuals !!!!

If you can find who the Health Visitor is I’d contact her.

Why are you asking on here?! Report and let the professionals do their job. We can’t protect the children but you can

You clearly want to report them, so do so rather than continuing to post.

Unless you’ve actually been qualified to be part of the multidisciplinary team dealing with his needs, you don’t know 100% at all. You don’t believe he is autistic, which is fine. Lots of people don’t know whether a child is or isn’t.

If you're genuinely concerned then call NSPCC and talk about it with them (as previously suggested by a pp). They will hopefully guide you with what to do for the best. Chatting about it on here isn't going to help anyone.

If the first is autistic or has some autistic behaviours or SEN, it's possible they are misguided in what they think is normal for a 4 yr old. I'd be interested to know how far behind the older child was at that age. I also think it's strange that a normal 4 yr old would be so passive to allow themselves be babied like that, the urge to grow and mature is very instinctive. I suspect it's more likely there is a SEN there. From what you say I suspect there is additional needs with both children. However in my experience children with SEN need to be parented and encouraged much more than other children and it is possible, likely even, that they are failing to do this with both children. I suspect you don't know the full picture and are possibly jumping to conclusions but I think you are right to be concerned and I think you should report it. Be prepared to be wrong but at least you know you are doing the right thing by expressing concern.

It's FDIA. Fictitious Disorder Imposed on Another

It’s very hard to know because you clearly judge and that means you are writing this to make your option sound the reasonable one.

Autistic children often mask so what you experience is normal. Autism is also often genetic so could account for the behaviour that concerns you about the youngest. You don’t understand autism so won’t see what’s going on to know which it is.

Ultimately nobody online knows whether they are mistreating the children or not so yes, you will have to report them to be on the safe side.

Will they though? I've sat through hearings where family members literally have photographs of battered and bruised horribly abused kids and social services won't do anything about it for 'lack of evidence'. I agree all sounds worrying but truly I'm not sure that social services would do anything.

And all the people saying OP may have got the wrong end of the stick - yes she may. BUT it there is no issue, the worst that will happen is she calls SS they decide everything is ok. If there is an issue, the worst that can happen is for OP to ignore it, and for abuse to continue and potentially escalate. If in doubt regarding this kind of abuse, of course you have to report.

Social services will believe you. Call them. This does sound potentially abusive sadly. If she is small she may not be getting fed properly (are they giving her milk instead of food), and even if this is not the case this sounds wrong.

She's 3. Nappies and dummies and cots aren't the end of the world

All of those things, in combination, are odd for an almost-four-year-old with no special needs. She's almost old enough to be starting school.

OP, I would share your concerns.

Are you sure that the 4yo doesn’t have SEN or a disability that they haven’t disclosed? Is she small but normal and they baby her, or does she have developmental delays like she actually can’t talk like other children her age?
If they are faking illnesses of the children I would report to SS (fabricated illness is abuse and can cause mental trauma for the child)

I would be careful OP. In-laws often think, or want to think, that kids are fine when they’re actually not. It’s quite common and very frustrating for the parent involved.

Of course you could be right also and the parents are being abusive. I would proceed but cautiously. The most important thing is to protect the children, but just be aware you could have got things wrong here.

There is no “game” to be played. Diagnosis doesn’t rely purely on what parents say. There are a series of assessments carried out by a multidisciplinary panel to determine the outcome. In fact, what parents share generally doesn’t hold much value in the process compared with professional observation. Successful DLA claims also rely on feedback and evidence from various professionals.

Sure, everyone on MN knows people faking disabilities and then telling everyone all about it as well as how much money they get.

You can get benefits without diagnosis, and you can get a diagnosis and not be entitled to benefits at all.

You absolutely can lie and get a diagnosis, i personally know people who knew how to play the game and definitely lied to get a diagnosis and then benefits. I know this because they brag about it. Its infuriating when genuine people are struggling to get what they are entitled to.

This, That does sound very strange. How old is the eldest. Did they tell you themselves that they are told how to behave around other people. Are either of them in nursery or school.

If you’re worried that the children are in danger, then you should report them.

As a pp has said though, the older child could very well be masking when with you. The younger child could have some additional needs to that you’re not aware of.

Because there is so much judgement and also to respect their children’s privacy, some people don’t always share medical info with family, especially ones they don’t trust.

This post doesn’t read like it’s written purely out of concern, so it’s possible you are just not the type of person they feel comfortable sharing their children’s medical information with.

You can't just lie and get a diagnosis of autism, or coach a child into acting autistic,they speak to school or nursery too and get a clear picture, as well as assessments of the child.

If the parents were so keen to trick you all for the millions they get in benefits (which you dont automatically get with a diagnosis, and you need to evidence the impact any disability has on your life) they wouldnt leave their child with you either.

Also the way autism can present is the child will mask around people and then they can be themselves around their safe people (usually a parent).

If her brother is autistic then it's likely the 4yo is also autistic from what you've described here.

In all honesty I think you're just out to cause drama, but you should report so it can be looked into, and it may even trigger some help for the parents because that's bloody hard to come by, especially when you have family who don't have your best interests at heart.

They sound vile. Keep a close eye, the older one sounds like more of a concern, can you email his teacher or his school? I doubt they will respond to you but no harm in sending this info to them as a safeguarding concern.