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Original poster

To invite housekeeper for Christmas?

59 replies

SpiltLatte · 01/09/2025 19:35

We have a live in house keeper/PA who is brilliant, I couldn’t manage without her. She lives in our house but her bedroom has its own corridor with her own bathroom and a staircase directly down to the kitchen (which hasits own door to outside) so it’s kind of like a little flat.

Last year at Christmas she went home to spend it with her parents. She had a miserable time and came back quite depressed. I won’t go into it but it’s not a great relationship.

so this year I’m thinking of asking her to stay here for Christmas and spend it with us as part of the (very small!) family. DH thinks this is weird and will come across as such. Is it?

OP posts:
DevonDonnie · 01/09/2025 21:25

GypsyQueeen · 01/09/2025 21:20

Don't come for me. I'm just giving my opinion the same as everyone else on here.
If you don't like it, move on. We don't need to debate.

Show quote history

Not coming at you but I’m shocked that people still refer to anyone as ‘the help’ in this day and age! Service roles are career roles these days, and not servants. Gosh I’ve had many birthday and Christmas meals out with employers in the past as part of the family while still retaining a professional position. While working. Much like different levels in an office setting having a Christmas party together. Sounds very snooty and outdated… Many ‘service’ roles such as Nannie’s, PA’s etc are highly educated by the way. Multi degrees.

GypsyQueeen · 01/09/2025 21:20

DevonDonnie · 01/09/2025 21:16

Wow. She is a career housekeeper/PA… it’s not 1845…. You’ve got to be a troll?

Don't come for me. I'm just giving my opinion the same as everyone else on here.
If you don't like it, move on. We don't need to debate.

CheeseWisely · 01/09/2025 21:20

I think it’s lovely to invite her OP. Different situation as I was a tenant in an annexe but my ex-landlords invited me to spend Christmas with them and their family one year I was on my own and I was very grateful. I’d find it odd to live in someone’s house and not have at least a companionable relationship.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 01/09/2025 21:17

GypsyQueeen · 01/09/2025 21:15

The help.

Show quote history

yeah sure

DevonDonnie · 01/09/2025 21:16

Wow. She is a career housekeeper/PA… it’s not 1845…. You’ve got to be a troll?

GypsyQueeen · 01/09/2025 21:16

DevonDonnie · 01/09/2025 21:15

Someone ‘like this’?

Yes, that's right. The help.

GypsyQueeen · 01/09/2025 21:15

ToKittyornottoKitty · 01/09/2025 21:13

What do you mean ‘someone like this’?

Show quote history

The help.

DevonDonnie · 01/09/2025 21:15

Someone ‘like this’?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 01/09/2025 21:13

GypsyQueeen · 01/09/2025 20:59

I would not have someone like this at my dinner table at Christmas.
If she insists on staying on over the Christmas break could she not work?
I just think it could be awkward and therefore possibly ruin your Christmas, which is not fair on you.

What do you mean ‘someone like this’?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 01/09/2025 21:09

I must be a bit clueless going from the replies but I’d have thought the default would be that she stays for Christmas? If she’s “live in”
then surely she lives there, ie it’s currently her home?

So would she need to be invited to stay for Christmas?

But I think it’s worth a conversation to say “would you like to celebrate Christmas with us” so she knows she’s included in festivities.

My only nearish experience is having au pairs, and yes they went home for Christmas but we never assumed they wouldn’t be there at any given time.

GypsyQueeen · 01/09/2025 20:59

I would not have someone like this at my dinner table at Christmas.
If she insists on staying on over the Christmas break could she not work?
I just think it could be awkward and therefore possibly ruin your Christmas, which is not fair on you.

DeeKitch · 01/09/2025 20:54

Lovely offer - make sure to tell her she’s invited as a friend not employee x

ScholesPanda · 01/09/2025 20:36

I think you're being very kind OP, but in balance I think I wouldn't. Not unless you usually eat together (I know some people do).

It will change the relationship I think. It crosses a boundary.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 01/09/2025 20:31

It sounds fine if your husband is up for it, and it doesn’t sound like he is?

DiscoBob · 01/09/2025 20:29

Definitely invite her to Christmas dinner. There's a chance she might not want to but it's a nice gesture. Make it plain that she won't be expected to work.

Sauvignonblanket · 01/09/2025 20:26

Maybe invite her for Christmas dinner and go from there - saying spending Christmas makes it sound like she has to be with you from Christmas Eve to Boxing Day night, which might be too much. Then if she accepts, gauge what she'd like to be involved in.

Arlanymor · 01/09/2025 20:21

SpiltLatte · 01/09/2025 20:17

Just to add she doesn’t take care of children ☺️

Yes sorry - I mentioned children because of my response to the PP.

Original poster
SpiltLatte · 01/09/2025 20:17

Just to add she doesn’t take care of children ☺️

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 01/09/2025 20:11

Nousernamesavaliable · 01/09/2025 20:05

Your going to get mixed reply here.... the ones that dont have live in nanny's will tell you ( me) that's a very lovely idea, shows you appreciate her and like her after all christmas is about family and friends as long as she is not expected to lift a finger. The ones with, will tell you no dont do that, she will begin to feel different and take advantage.
At the end of that day she is actively raising your children in your absence. Personally I would do the most i can to ensure she is aware of her worth and just how much I/ we appreciate her.

Sorry but to me that honestly sounds quite patronising - assuming that she will take advantage. It’s not Downton Abbey, people can have work and social relationships that don’t conflict. I have a friend who is a live-in nanny and she would never dream of taking the piss. She knows what boundaries are. Which is helpful given she is part of raising children who also need to know what boundaries are. Maybe some people on here have been burned by ‘nannies gone rogue’, but I bet it’s not the majority by any stretch of the imagination.

Zov · 01/09/2025 20:09

Not weird at all. Do it. Nice thought. Smile

Although....... You do sound like you have already gone a bit far mixing business with pleasure with her, and that may not end well. Or maybe it will, and she will be forever like a family member - like in the movies! 😄

Nousernamesavaliable · 01/09/2025 20:05

Your going to get mixed reply here.... the ones that dont have live in nanny's will tell you ( me) that's a very lovely idea, shows you appreciate her and like her after all christmas is about family and friends as long as she is not expected to lift a finger. The ones with, will tell you no dont do that, she will begin to feel different and take advantage.
At the end of that day she is actively raising your children in your absence. Personally I would do the most i can to ensure she is aware of her worth and just how much I/ we appreciate her.

Arlanymor · 01/09/2025 20:02

PashaMinaMio · 01/09/2025 19:47

You are very kind to be thinking about this.

I’ve had a live in housekeeper. She had a 2 bed flat in another wing. Big house blah de blah. Many years ago. We never mixed socially.

Depends on your relationship to date but no way would we have invited her into our Christmas.

Having said that could you invite her for something specific? Christmas lunch for example? Would she help cook it and together you enjoy the camaraderie?

It’s only one day so even if she goes away, would she return for Boxing Day or do you give her a few days off?

Even ‘camaraderie’ cooking together blurs the lines - a guest, is a guest, is a guest.

Original poster
SpiltLatte · 01/09/2025 20:00

God no I would never ask her to work it! I would hope she would know that but I’d make it very clear just incase.

The lines are already blurred really to be honest, she’s very much become a family friend and we often binge watch Netflix series etc in an afternoon when we’re both meant to be working 😂

OP posts:
PashaMinaMio · 01/09/2025 19:47

You are very kind to be thinking about this.

I’ve had a live in housekeeper. She had a 2 bed flat in another wing. Big house blah de blah. Many years ago. We never mixed socially.

Depends on your relationship to date but no way would we have invited her into our Christmas.

Having said that could you invite her for something specific? Christmas lunch for example? Would she help cook it and together you enjoy the camaraderie?

It’s only one day so even if she goes away, would she return for Boxing Day or do you give her a few days off?

OneKhakiFish · 01/09/2025 19:47

It's not weird, it means your thinking of her. It's nice to be nice

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