To invite housekeeper for Christmas?

SpiltLatte · 2025-09-01T18:35:57+00:00

We have a live in house keeper/PA who is brilliant, I couldn’t manage without her. She lives in our house but her bedroom has its own corridor with her own bathroom and a staircase directly down to the kitchen (which hasits own door to outside) so it’s kind of like a little flat. Last year at Christmas she went home to spend it with her parents. She had a miserable time and came back quite depressed. I won’t go into it but it’s not a great relationship. so this year I’m thinking of asking her to stay here for Christmas and spend it with us as part of the (very small!) family. DH thinks this is weird and will come across as such. Is it?

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 06/12/2025 20:26

GypsyQueeen · 01/09/2025 20:59

I would not have someone like this at my dinner table at Christmas.
If she insists on staying on over the Christmas break could she not work?
I just think it could be awkward and therefore possibly ruin your Christmas, which is not fair on you.

Well you sound bloody horrible. What a nasty attitude. I pity anyone who works for you.

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 06/12/2025 19:17

I think it’s a lovely gesture, OP

Soonenough · 06/12/2025 19:12

I would assume she is going to be invited for the Xmas lunch , bit of socialising and drinking . End of night , go to her own space . An invite for Xmas dinner doesn't mean she wants to be with you until NYD.
Who else is going to be there if it's just you and your DH as the household? Is that why he doesn't seem keen ?

Mynewnameis · 02/09/2025 08:18

You cant really if your dh doesn't want too.

MoFadaCromulent · 02/09/2025 08:14

It seems like a nice idea but if your husband is uncomfortable with it then I wouldn't.

I'd never impose a guest on my wife at Christmas that made her uncomfortable or would make her feel awkward and I'd expect her to show me the same courtesy.

So unless your husband has form for deciding non family members can attend Christmas unilaterally I'd probably leave it.

user1471500928 · 02/09/2025 07:24

We employed a live in carer for my dad and invited her and her husband to join us (with my dad, who would have come anyway) for Christmas lunch and into the evening. Slightly different,I suppose, as she was a 24 hour carer and therefore paid to work Christmas. They all came and we had a wonderful time; she and her husband were very grateful and were thrilled to join us (there were 10 of us in all). Sadly, my dad has now had to move into a care home and our wonderful carer is looking for a new live in position. She is the same age as our daughters (early 40s) and I am so fond of her that I sometimes feel I have another daughter. She still visits my dad and he is so fond of her that he cries when she appears. My 98 year old dad never cries. She has never taken advantage of our close relationship in any way.

Maddy70 · 01/09/2025 23:30

Jesswebster01 · 01/09/2025 19:37

I think it's a nice idea just make it a casual suggestion so she doesn't feel obliged to say yes

This ...

mamagogo1 · 01/09/2025 23:27

It’s fine to say to her that if she is going to be around at Christmas you would love to invite her (perhaps plus one if she has one) to share Christmas Day with your family as your guest not working.

LeafyLou · 01/09/2025 23:18

Depends but sometimes Xmas can be awful one year and then great the next with family. Some years I’d vow to cut off my family from a stressful and emotional Xmas Day and then the following year we have a great time.

I would only invite her casually if you and the rest of your family is happy to have her attend. I wouldn’t mention that you noticed she seemed to have a dreadful time last year that’s a bit personal I think. It is nothing out of the norm that someone has a dreadful time at a family Xmas event.

whitewineandsun · 01/09/2025 22:52

ToKittyornottoKitty · 01/09/2025 20:31

It sounds fine if your husband is up for it, and it doesn’t sound like he is?

This was my thought. He needs to be on-board.

GypsyQueeen · 01/09/2025 22:49

DevonDonnie · 01/09/2025 22:45

You are trying to get a reaction. Very embarrassing for you.

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Mmmm.... I kind of feel it's more embarrassing for you - the person reacting.

DevonDonnie · 01/09/2025 22:45

GypsyQueeen · 01/09/2025 22:32

Yes, I suppose I am. And I'm ok with that.

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You are trying to get a reaction. Very embarrassing for you.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 01/09/2025 22:33

GypsyQueeen · 01/09/2025 21:46

I don't know why everyone's suddenly angry at me.

I just responded to OP that it's not how I believe things should be done. It's just my personal opinion, which I'm entitled to. I didn't mean to offend anyone who does these sorts of jobs.

Edited

Bullshit

GypsyQueeen · 01/09/2025 22:32

Gingercar · 01/09/2025 22:28

I think it was probably the way you worded it. You sounded a little stuck up.

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Yes, I suppose I am. And I'm ok with that.

Gingercar · 01/09/2025 22:28

GypsyQueeen · 01/09/2025 21:46

I don't know why everyone's suddenly angry at me.

I just responded to OP that it's not how I believe things should be done. It's just my personal opinion, which I'm entitled to. I didn't mean to offend anyone who does these sorts of jobs.

Edited

I think it was probably the way you worded it. You sounded a little stuck up.

outingouting · 01/09/2025 22:12

I had a group of friends that I went on holiday with every year. Once year I invited another friend from a different group.

nothing went wrong particularly but it changed the vibe and I enjoyed it less.

this other friend then expected an invite the following year and it was awkward when it wasn’t forthcoming!

I think it’s quite risky as you set a precedent.

Hairshare · 01/09/2025 21:49

Fine if you normally eat together but it could be weird to have one meal together then for your housekeeper to go back to separate meals.
It could be seen as patronising to assume that her difficult mum and your family are her only options though. It’s her Christmas and she can no doubt make an arrangement that works for her. If she tells you she’s decided not to go away, you might ask then if she’d like to join you for Christmas lunch, if it feels ok and your family are on board.

GypsyQueeen · 01/09/2025 21:46

I don't know why everyone's suddenly angry at me.

I just responded to OP that it's not how I believe things should be done. It's just my personal opinion, which I'm entitled to. I didn't mean to offend anyone who does these sorts of jobs.

InterestedDad37 · 01/09/2025 21:45

Nice idea I guess, but I think your husband is signalling that he's not too keen on the idea 👍

Gingercar · 01/09/2025 21:38

When I was a live in groom I was always included in their Xmas. As was the farmhand. They treated us like family. We always ate with them on Sunday evenings too.

Createausername1970 · 01/09/2025 21:38

GypsyQueeen · 01/09/2025 20:59

I would not have someone like this at my dinner table at Christmas.
If she insists on staying on over the Christmas break could she not work?
I just think it could be awkward and therefore possibly ruin your Christmas, which is not fair on you.

You wouldn't have a human being at your dinner table on Christmas Day?

I am picturing one of those bars from Star Wars......

Tipster100 · 01/09/2025 21:33

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

CheeseWisely · 01/09/2025 21:27

GypsyQueeen · 01/09/2025 20:59

I would not have someone like this at my dinner table at Christmas.
If she insists on staying on over the Christmas break could she not work?
I just think it could be awkward and therefore possibly ruin your Christmas, which is not fair on you.

Someone like this? Are you the Dowager Lady Grantham? FFS.

Fuckish · 01/09/2025 21:27

GypsyQueeen · 01/09/2025 20:59

I would not have someone like this at my dinner table at Christmas.
If she insists on staying on over the Christmas break could she not work?
I just think it could be awkward and therefore possibly ruin your Christmas, which is not fair on you.

🙄

H34th · 01/09/2025 21:26

I think your relationship with her is unique and it only matters if it feels right to you.

But is her reason for going to her parents that there’s no other commitments or does she feel obliged to go and see them at least on Christmas, even though they are difficult parents?