Does anyone actually like their parents, as people?

Oh gosh I feel like this. It’s a really complex relationship…

I don’t remember either of my parents hugging me or telling me they loved me as I child. My mum isn’t loving at all, she would pull away if I hugged her. She criticises my appearance, my house, my job, my parenting. My dad said a few years back that he wished he’d never had children. They are both retired, but they do nothing. No hobbies, no friends. They don’t take care of their health. They are also racist as you mention. They went down a massive COVID conspiracy rabbit hole. Fine, believe what you want to believe but they hounded me about it, preached, sent articles, shouted me down, just constant arguments (I’m medical but would only go so far as to say that’s what you believe but not what I believe). My siblings are all quite tricky in their own ways but I feel like I get blamed for any issues between us all. It’s exhausting a lot of the time.

BUT, my parents would also do anything for me. They worked 5 jobs between them when we were kids to give us a different life. They helped me as much as they could when I had my children - and they still do.

There's none of that nurturing love or affection but there is a strong bond and sense of loyalty to one another. I do feel sad when I see people as adults describe their parents as friends and spend quality time with them. If/when I do that with my parents they’ll usually tell me it’s a waste of time/money. I worry I will turn into my mum and my kids will find me really hard work. I hope not…

No, I don’t think I would, they’re self centred and never once thought about what was best for me, just that I would cope with whatever decisions they made to suit themselves, and that’s not enough for a child.

No I wouldn't like them at all. My Dad is such a bad man that he has that “run away" vibe, he drips with hatred for the world. DM is a victim of her own making. The type to fill her house with animals and have no money to feed them, to spend every last cent of her money on absolute needless shite and then be evicted for not paying rent. Not people I would ever want to know.

I wouldnt be friends with them and I dont like them a lot of the time. They are horribly small minded and racist and love Farage and my step Dad once said he would "push the boats back off the beach himself." I spend as little time with them as possible and luckily they've put 0% effort into seeing their grandchildren so none of them want to see them either.

I love my parents to bits. Love spending time with my mum and doing things just the 2 of us, really respect her and the career she achieved and she’s such a caring and loving person. I know how lucky I am to have her. My parents are divorced and my dad was seriously ill several years ago and now struggles with mobility and he’s a bit harder work (the illness affected his brain) but I still love him and cherish the brilliant dad he was growing up and the amazing childhood memories. Again, appreciate I’m very lucky.

I don’t think I’d be friends with either of them.

My Mum is great but she’s absolutely batty and makes no sense. Her energy is wild. She’s 100mph and I am absolutely exhausted after spending an hour with her.

My Dad was always pretty aggressive and is mega into conspiracy theories. It’s literally all he talks about. You can’t have a conversation about anything without it turning into a conspiracy theory chat.

So no, I don’t think I would be friends with either of them.

My mum yes, my dad no.

I was lucky - I really liked my parents and actually admired them more as I got older and gained some perspective on what they’d achieved, not in monetary or awards terms, but in quietly resetting their horizons beyond what was expected of ‘people like them’. I wish I’d had longer with both of them: they were kind, decent, interesting human beings, and they made me feel completely loved.

No, I would not be friends with my mother or my mother-in-law, but I do think they grew up in a very different time. Both of them had young families in a time where they had very ‘expecting’ mothers i.e. the daughters were expected to very much look after their mother…. Ring them all the time, host them all the time, go round with the children, entertain them, my dad was expected to go round and fix things all the time. Both my mother and mother-in-law lost their father when they were their 30s, so there was even more pressure to be the perfect daughter, and also to run their own families.

This made both my mother and mother-in-law tense controlling people. I think it’s just how they held it all together. And I think this is a difficult trait to leave behind. They didn’t have access to the things we do like chat forums or psychology podcasts. I think if they’ve had some psychological support in their 30s they both would be very different. I myself had some psychological support at age 25, because of this influence, and now I am so happy relaxed and can see how difficult their lives must’ve been.

Neither of them have been able to change- so I do find both of them difficult. But they struggled in a time when unless you had an en Encyclopedia or it was on one of the four TV channels, you just didn’t have much insight into things.

I do not think these days Mother’s place such huge expectations on their daughters as they did 40 years ago.

I do see how they both were, and think I must definitely will not be that mother to my son. I won’t expect him to entertain me at birthdays, or Christmas. But they will put under a lot of pressure. They had the sort of Mother who ‘I brought you up in therefore you owe me’ vibe.

My father is relaxed and amazing, and I have a great friendship with him. My husband‘s father is very similar. But I don’t think it is by chance that both of our mothers turned out controlling and the dads friendly & relaxed.

God this thread made me cry

I would be friends with my mother. We are interested in quite a few of the same things (or perhaps she is just very good at pretending!), and I've been close to her from childhood, so we obviously get on!

I would never in a million years have been friends with my (abusive and then, thankfully, deceased) father. I was very clear, as a child, telling my mother that when I grew up, I would change my surname (so I didn't have his), he would not come to my wedding and he would not be allowed to see my children. I have changed my surname, their marriage put me off the idea altogether, and I don't have children yet, so I've stuck to the plan that 7/8 year old me concocted...!

I hugely like and love my parents and love spending time with them. I'm lucky I know. I play golf with my dad most Sundays and he's my favourite playing partner!

Yes - both of mine could make me laugh until I cried. And frequently did! It’s one of the things I love looking back on, genuinely gives me warmth inside. They were both very interesting people too. Don’t get me wrong, they both had irritating traits but there’s no one in my life that doesn’t (and I’m sure DH would say the same about me). It’s a nice position to be in particularly now DM is dead and DF has advanced dementia.

I loved and got on ok with my parents ( rows and all😳
I still see and pop in on their old neighbor as I’ve known her since I was a kid and I know they would like me to do that for them

I would be friends with my dad but my mum drives me bananas. She makes it difficult to love her, never mind like her. Rude, self-absorbed, drama-fuelled, belittling, hugely dysregulated and emotionally manipulative. She doesn’t actually have any friends herself, either and I’m pretty much the only family still talking to her. So no, I wouldn’t be friends with her. My dad is a quiet sort, into astronomy, Bob Dylan, science fiction and whisky. And he’s the other side of the political spectrum but not judgemental about people with differing views. We’d have great chats as friends.

I absolutely adored my dad, both as a parent and a person. I love my mum of course but my dad was my favourite person-so sad he’s gone.

I went with YABU, as my parents are wonderful people - kind, fun, smart, hard working and absolutely devoted to my DD's. But I actually don't think you are unreasonable, everyone is different. Some may have rubbish parents, some may have perfectly decent parents but they are just very different personality wise and don't really get along through no ones fault.

I understand the tattoo thing. My DM looked at me with such disappointment when I got my first tattoo in my fifties. It was like nothing else about me mattered to her, and it really opened my eyes to how judgemental she is, a trait which I don’t like in a person.

God, yeah. My Dad is one of the best people I’ve ever met. He’d give you the shirt off his back.

My DM was (been NC for a number of years now) abusive, aggressive, racist and a bully. I didn’t particularly like her when I was growing up. Was more scared of her than anything. Last I heard she’d only got worse. My DF…. I loved him. He was a gentle soul but a wet blanket. I doubt I’d have been friends with either of them tbh, but for very very different reasons.

Yes! Both my parents are great. Both popular in their own right in their own right.

DS is not keen on me sadly.

I do have friends of my parent's generation, but I don't like either of my parents. I love them, but they're both very difficult people and they were violent and abusive towards each other and to their children when we were young.

Yeah, I really like her. She’s got a very dark sense of humour and we can make each other laugh. Also, she’s a very good judge of character, even if she does drive me mad sometimes.

My dad is dead, but we were nc beforehand. He was not a nice man. If we weren’t related, I wouldn’t have wanted to live in the same street as him, let alone be his friend.

Yes I'm good friends with my Mum, she's early sixties but favours a younger outlook and is very funny, she has a blonde updo and staggers around on her stilettos but she wouldn't be Mum without them. She's been very generous and I appreciate what she's done for me . My Dad died suddenly when I was 20 but I did like him and I remember how he used to play motown music all the time and he taught me to drive when I was a teen so I miss him.

They're weird and crazy but I still have long FaceTimes with both of my parents (I live in a different country; they have been divorced for decades and remarried others). I go home (yes, that's really home) to visit, taking my DDs, regularly and have a good time. If I lived closer, I'd definitely visit more often and they wouldn't mind.

They have their minuses and can be tricky but they are good, decent people, great for conversation because they are intelligent and educated and read widely and I care about them; we share plenty of interests. They contact (call/text/email) me and I send them messages as and when too. They are both early 80s, so have about 10yrs still, and I will miss them terribly when they are not around anymore.