To wonder how on earth people are seeing friends every week

To be fair, the poster I was replying to sounded quite like she was doing the typical MN thing of being snippy about women who don’t have the good fortune of a supportive DH or partner. The whole, ‘raise your bar! Some of us have higher standards’ business. Always seems like a bit of a low blow to me. But maybe I misunderstood - apologies if so, @FrangipaniBlue

But it turns out we’re all answering the wrong question anyway! And as a PP pointed out the question is actually how to make close friends / have enough of them to socialise frequently. Which I couldn’t answer for anyone else.

Agreed.
I think these friendships some of us are defending are friends we perhaps shared a house with at University, or who we were maybe at school with, or who we spent our late teens / early 20s going out with and going on holiday with, then maintain these friendships over the decades even when not living close together.

I don't think there is any need to be snippy.

The questions was "how on earth people are seeing friends every week".

One possible answer is that parents do go out and their partner takes their turn parenting. @FrangipaniBlue wasn't saying that is a solution for everyone.

It doesn't seem like it on here many an evening, but there are plenty of couples who are still together with the other parent of their dc, so, for them that is an obvious solution.

I'd have thought that you have to go through a period of spending time together frequently before a friendship can form. An acquaintance who only ever has time to meet once in a while is more likely than not going to remain an acquaintance.

3-4 times a year does sound like “acquaintance” rather than “best friend”, unless you are doing a lot of texting in between times.

IME @LemondrizzleShark it is actually the opposite.

If you can maintain a friendship when it is difficult to see each other in person more than a couple of times a year, I'd say that is evidence that it is a deep and strong friendship, like @RichardMarxisinnocent said at 17.18
I meet up with some people I've known for 40 years + . We have a lot of shared history including times when we've been there for each other for all of life's ups and downs.
I have some other - more 'circumstantial' friends that I might see weekly or more that I don't have that deep connection with.

Not on Mn, where the norm is to retreat into ‘my little family’, and put on your pyjamas the moment t you get in from work, because under no circumstances are you going out again.

I don't think most posters are reading the OP's post properly. She is not saying she doesn't have time to see her friends. She is saying her friends don't have time for her!

Anyway this thread has given me a uch needed kick up the arse. I suggested to my book club acquaintances that we meet for a walk once a week. And I have takers! Hoping those acquaintances turn into friends. Was expecting to be ignored.

I’ve just been on holiday with friends so saw them every day! We see friends regularly I thought that was normal. I need time to recharge my batteries before I’m good to go again, whereas dh would happily spend 24/7 with friends.

I see my close friends which are 3 every month and that was even when my kids were little.
We make a point every time we see each other to book in the next get together. If we didn't do that we would never see each other and both my hubby and I think it's important to see friends.
I've seen the effects of not having friends and just having your partner and children as friends.
My mother in law died 11 years ago and my father in law has been lonely since then as he has no friends and they both saw each other as enough.
It's taken a toll on us as a family as my sister in law has to take him on holiday.
This happened to a very good friend of mine also. Both her and her sister found it very draining.
You must make time for friends as it's a break from your kids and a chance to be who you truly are other than being a mum.

Perhaps rethink your idea that 'seeing friends' has to be a 'big night out' and that catching up as you commute / do a school run / do your hobby or volunteering is seeing friends.

I like this @CarpetKnees its a far better was of thinking about it - spending time with people you get on with!

I don't actually have any friends so don't go out 😂😂
I'll go to work dos etc but committing to seeing people is a lot of effort 😂😂

You may not know this, but:

Not everyone has a husband or a partner
Not everyone has a husband or a partner who works the same hours they do
Not everyone has a husband or partner who is in good enough health to be in sole charge of their own offspring

Or that we have husbands/partners who are perfectly capable of being in sole charge of their own offspring?

This gives me hope I might have a social second wind one day!

I don't really have friends. Not because I am an awful person, people do want to be my friend but I can't give the commitment. I am friendly but like to keep people at arms length as I just can't be meeting up at weekends etc. I work part time but don't want those "days off" filled with coffee with pals, I have my own stuff to do. There is a mum "friend" and she doesn't work so doesn't seem to understand that I am busy and can't be making myself available all the time. Tbf I have always been a take it or leave it kind of person when it came to friends, I am v content in my own company.

Or our kids are young adults.

Answered your own post. In my experience the friendship marketplace is a largely meritocratic place, people who have been consistently friendly and fun have more friends

I think it’s often an age / stage of life thing. In my 20s I’d have been appalled to think a time might come when I didn’t see friends at least 3 times a week and have plenty of texts and phone catch ups in between. If I had my seen someone in a year I’d forget who they were.

Now I’m nearly 50, I’m not in that intense friendship-building phase of life, but in the long maintenance phase - we did the time seeing one another 3 x a week for years, we built that solid foundation, and now most of us live thousands of miles apart, we still know everything about one another and the day to day details don’t matter so much. We can catch up once a year and it’s brilliant.

I always imagine the people who see friends once a week live in small towns or cities with people they’ve known all their lives, and have a huge bank of parents / in-laws / siblings / cousins / aunties on hand to look after the DC.

Either that or they’re minted, and have nannies and au-pairs and cleaners and housekeepers out the wazoo, and tons of money for babysitters, and everyone they know is the same.

And there are some people who just have fuck tons of energy, and keep on finding new friends to hang out with if their preferred ones aren’t available.

It’s a major event when I’m able to see one of my friends in the flesh, and it’s the same for most mums I know. I only have 3 friends I’m in regular text contact with (and by ‘regular’ I mean we have about 2 conversations a week, mainly comprised of memes)

ETA: most of my friends (and I) have moved around quite a bit and now live thousands of miles from one another in different parts of the world. Just not feasible to get a day out together every week! And it gets tough to make friends in a new place when everyone’s so busy.

I go out with friends at least twice a month. I just make sure my partner will be in, and then I put the kids to bed and leave. It’s very easy. Kids are 15, 6 and 1.5.
i see a friend weekly for a day out with the kids on a Friday, as we both have that day available.
i find it easy to navigate seeing my friends, even with young children. Because it’s important to me.

I have 2 sets of friends who I see on a prearranged monthly basis. I also see some of those at other times too.

And then I have various other friends who I see between every couple of months and every couple of years.

On average I'd say I see friends at least once a week.

(Married with DC.)

Why don’t you make friends that live nearer you? I always do when I move

I see my friends during school holidays!

I work term time and ds is a swimmer for 4 weekdays we are at the pool twice a day, and Saturday morning and competitions and so must weekends I’m doing housework, shopping, batch cooking or just grateful to shut the front door and see none and speak to no one.

i often think this makes me a bad friend 😂

But tbh my friends contact me as I much as I contact them so I guess I just have friendships that work?

I see some of my closest friends twice a year max and the rest of the time we keep in touch on WhatsApp. My best friends I see once every few weeks. Most of us work full time and have kids so this feels completely normal? I couldn’t keep up with someone who wanted more frequent meets to be honest.

I have some local mum friends too but my true, oldest friends are for special occasions. Maybe it will change as the kids get older and we have more free time.

I see my closest friends every week more or less.

But we have shared hobbies so we incorporate doing the hobbies with meet ups!

One of them I meet almost every week on our day off and we either run or cycle and incorporate a cafe stop.

Another I meet once a week before work for a wild swim.

The third lives on the next street over and we both wfh so will go for a walk and a natter in our lunch break.