To wonder how on earth people are seeing friends every week

Noisy neighbour. How do you cope?

I went out last night with two friends and am now regretting it mightily at work because I wasn't in bed by 9:30 and now I'm knackered.
😂

I see a few friends once every week or so, then I have another 15-20 friends I see for longer much less frequently (like once every few months).

I usually see a friend at least once a week. I'd go mad otherwise.

I've had to work hard and put a LOT in to making and keeping those friendships.

Are you a good listener? Are you thoughtful? Are you good company? Do you make an effort? Do you "click" with these friends? Worth trying to look objectively at what kind of friend you are.

I think this is down to different people having different definition of friends.

To me, a friend is someone you see because you want to, not because you have to.
They are someone you can message to ask for a lift to something you are both going to.
They are someone you'd be happy to give up a few hours to help them into a new house / flat.
They are someone you enjoy spending time with.
It doesn't go any deeper than that.

I have loads of friends, and I think there is a bit of 'chicken and egg' about it..... because I have lots of people I see regularly and enjoy spending time with, I don't rely on one person (or one 'friendship group'), and I'm fine if they can't see me for a while because of other stuff going on in their lives. I don't fall out with people / get jealous of people / have a load of drama in our lives / and I've never 'blocked' anyone in my life. I've got friends I meet up with that I started secondary school with at 11, who are scattered round the country. I've got friends I've known since I started going to my Church 55 years ago. But I've also got friends I've got to know in the last 4 or 5 years. I don't mind what age friends are, or what background they have or what they do for work. I am able to be friends with people who are quite different from me in many ways. I don't see / meet up with all my friends in the same way. Some of these people might see me as a reliable friend they know they could call on if they needed a hand with something. Others might see me as someone who loves a dance or a party. A couple of them know we could go away together and still all get on. Some might phone me when they want someone to listen to a problem they are dealing with. Another might know they can have a good old belly laugh with me. I don't understand people saying '2 friends is enough for me' or - even worse - 'my dh' or 'my mother' or 'my dd' is the only friend I need.

It's not a boast, it's trying to explain that I consider all sorts of people to be my friend, that perhaps someone else might not quantify as a friend.

I often think on all the myriad of threads on MN about friendship, that people seem to have different ideas of how they would define 'friend'.

I have a close group of 5 friends from school days. We connect almost daily on WhatsApp and meet every month on average. I have a few other friends scattered around but nothing major. I maybe see them once or twice a year.

I distanced myself from a lot of mum friends as the kids became teenagers because I became really busy with work. I kind of regret that now. I don't think they would have been 'inner circle' friends but it'd be nice to go out for a drink from time to time. I suppose though, I prioritised the deeper friendships I had. Kind of quality over quantity.

I do worry about getting older and having no friends left but then my MIL started a new life in a new part of the country and has managed to make a whole new group of friends through going to book groups, volunteering and exercise classes. So it's definitely not impossible.

I've got to say, I honestly miss those mad, deep friendships from my teenage years and 20s.

For what it's worth I went into this with a healthy dose of cynicism and it's more about supporting said community.

I'm in my thirties and still close friends with my best friend from secondary school but I see her much, much less often now compared to when we saw each other every day and most weekends as teenagers. I could still call her up anytime and talk about anything.

You don't have that kind of history with people at a community group so that's the difference. If you wanted them to become friends I agree you'd have to put in more effort.

I see about 1 close friend a week. I’ve got about 6-7.

I also think it's a daft expectation but I've been criticised in the past for not continuing with such activities when it's obviously not going to help me feel less lonely. That suggests that some people do expect people you barely know and barely see to somehow become your friends.

In my life, friendships have always evolved though. Often over years and years, and one day you look back and realise how important any one of those particular relationships is to you.

You seem to be suggesting it is difficult to move from 'distant acquaintance' to a deeper friendship with people you can only have met 9 times. That seems a bit of a strange expectation to me. My really deep friendships are with friends I've had 30, 40, or 50 years. Or I've also had really close friendships with people I might have only know a couple of years but with whom I have either lived with for that time, or seen almost daily (one example I mentioned upthread, where we travelled to and from work together ever day as well as being colleagues).

With friends it's variable, as it depends what responsibilities they have. I have Mondays off, and I usually meet with one friend for coffee who also has that day off. Depends on the age of children too, mine are teenagers so they don't need as much looking after. I have a boyfriend and I see him twice a week, and a couple of events I go to each month.

It depends on what sort of friends you have/what sort of friendship approach suits you.

My late bro was someone who had masses of friend and married someone with the same profile. They were never in once DC were grown up except for the parties they threw.

DH and I have plenty of friends but we go out more with each other as we share a lot of interests. I have a WhatsApp group of 6 core pals from one particular connection and we get together every 6-8 weeks. I have friends I work with that I chat to a lot, some I see out of work from time to time. I have old friends who I might see if they are in my area or I'm in theirs. I have DH family that I talk to a lot and cousins. My newest close friend is the neighbour of my late father who I became close to when he passed away. I see her once a month on average.

However, I like me time so I make sure I get out and about by myself as often as I can. That's where I'm really different from my bro. I find a trip to a different town for a mooch refreshes me. Having grown up or in secondary school DC makes this possible

I was responding to your assumption that people who see friends often are able to do so because they have a friends/parents/ILs to help out OR lots of cash to throw at nanny’s or babysitters……….

EDITED to be less snippy as I’ve now just read the other responses ☺️

I have two best friends. One lives in the same town as me. We meet about once a fortnight, but chat on WhatsApp daily. The second lives further away so we meet about four times a year, and chat on WhatsApp weekly, and speak every few weeks.

I do have other friends, but we don’t meet regularly. Life is too busy for that we chat on WhatsApp when we have something to say.

And ops first post, did not give the impression in my opinion that she was asking why her friends don’t want to see her. It comes across as, how are you all making time to see your friends so much.
thats why she’s had the responses she’s had. It’s only further into her responses where we find out, she’s actually saying she wants to and makes herself available and her friends don’t want to see her. The responses telling her people make time are because she asked ‘how on earth are people seeing friends each week?’ So people have told her how on earth we are seeing friends each week.
we take our kids, we prioritise the friendship, we get husbands to be at home, we get babysitters, we do hobbies together, we go on holidays together, we camp together, we meet at each others houses etc etc etc.

I used to be a single parent, I socialised with my child and my friends. Having a child doesn’t mean you can’t ever see friends. Genuinely confused by the responses on this post 😂

I do live in a small ish town. But no, I am from 300 miles away. I don’t have any childhood friends or family here.

I see my best friend all the time because we work together and often go out to lunch at work and Im seeing him and another friend for a pub meal tonight. He's gay so its all platonic.
I am a member of various groups so meet up with friends at those every other week. I've worked hard to make friends because my status quo is hermit but I don't think its very good for you to stay indoors and not socialise.

I do suspect that being brought together at least weekly is some sort of limit for becoming friends with an acquaintance. I've never been convinced that something monthly or more with nothing in between is enough.

I was thinking more people you'd see weekly or even multiple times a week. School gates, slimming classes, gym class or any sort of weekly hobby groups.

I made a great friend at a baby group, I was having a hard day she suggested 'Do you want to go for coffee after the group' the babies are no longer babies but we still go for a walk n coffee once a week.

A friend of mine made a new friend at Slimming World the other lady suggested she joined her for a walk as she needed to walk her dog anyway.

I do think its hard to make friends as an adult, once you are away from education settings. But it definitely can be done

But if you only ever see an acquaintance now and then you're not going to turn it into a friendship. Me and DH having been doing this community group thing for almost 2 years now and because we only meet about 5 times a year we still feel like distant acquaintances. There's too much time between seeing each other to bond as friends.

We have a large friendship group so nearly every weekend we will meet up with someone. We probably see most of our friends 3-4 times a year as we will see them every few months. Some friends we are closer to and may see a bit more. Some not as close and maybe only see twice a year.

Maintaining lots of friendships is extremely time consuming, tiring and expensive. My friends are extremely important to me so it is entirely worth it.

I suppose that depends on how you define an acquaintance.
Acquaintances can become friends, if you are willing and able to let a friendship evolve.

If its someone you see at any sort of group event, anything from Slimming World, a gym class, or the mums you see at the school gates. Saying 'Hello' and the eventually taking it to the next step 'do you fancy a coffee'. Then having the occasional coffee or night out.

I see 3 of my friends at least once a week (they are not all friends with each other) That said 3 of us are single parents (now with teens but it was similar when they were younger - it would just be in the day with DC or round one another’s houses ) with no partner and the 4th is single with no DC. When you are the only adult in the house with no other relationship / support your friends become so much more important - they are a life line and you talk to and rely on these friends as you might do a partner.. .especially at weekends when everyone is with their families or doing could things . For that reason I appreciate I might see mine a bit more than the average.

I socialise a lot more during summer and around Christmas. Partly because I stayed living in my hometown, so when old friends come home to visit my social life picks up.
DH is also very good at arranging things with his friends who have children for the school holidays. I'm looking forward to a bit of a lull now if I'm honest.