Page 2 | Should we buy the car or give her the money?

Didntask · 02/09/2025 19:19

Why put a bow on it when it's not a present?

Hairshare · 02/09/2025 19:17

If it’s her money, you can only suggest and advise. If it’s your money, you can decide, but it would be nicer to discuss it with her.

Spirallingdownwards · 02/09/2025 19:16

sunshinehunter9 · 01/09/2025 16:14

We were thinking of asking her but I thought buying it, filling it with petrol and popping a bow on it would be such a surprise and I know she'd love that, and we couldn't do that if she already knows about it.
Yes we checked the insurance, it was an okay amount and we are covering it for her for the first year. She is just away to start uni, still living at home and will be for the next 3 years anyway.

Why are you popping a bowl on it. You will lead her to think you bought it as her 18th birthday present. Then make her pay.

Either tell her one is for sale and you can sub her until she can draw down the cash or but it as a gift. Don't go through the pretence of it being a gift.

Hoppinggreen · 02/09/2025 19:15

I don't think you can do a big reveal with a bow etc for something she has effectively paid for herself

Original poster

sunshinehunter9 · 02/09/2025 19:13

GRex · 02/09/2025 13:25

...who's money do you think is in it?
It isn't your money unless you saved it only in your name.
£2000 is under 18 months of child benefit money. Most people who are able to will save some money for their kids, you aren't really the bountiful donor you're imagining here.

Just give her your gifts, give her the trust fund, and let her use your car when she's at home.

Show quote history

Aye cause a young girl who's learning in a fiat 500 is gonna be able to drive my large Peugeot 5008 and yes I think I am the 'bountiful donor' I'm imaging, a lot of kids don't have the luxury of a savings account these days.

We've decided to buy the car. Thanks for all the opinions, we spoke about it in great detail last night. She's going to be very excited on her birthday.

OP posts:

GRex · 02/09/2025 13:25

sunshinehunter9 · 01/09/2025 19:45

Okay to clear a few things up...who's money do you think is in it?
Mine.
I paid all of that into an account, I'm the main account holder and she's named on it. So when pp say buy a present with your own money, that IS our money, being gifted to her. We just wasn't sure if we should buy a car or give her the whole amount. She doesn't know this account exists. Plus as stated we've already bought her gifts as well.
In regards to uni she is still living at home, uni is 30 mins away either by bus or driving and the uni has ample parking spaces, however her friends are in different towns and she would like the freedom of a car.
Thanks for everyones views, my DH and I are still in discussions.

...who's money do you think is in it?
It isn't your money unless you saved it only in your name.
£2000 is under 18 months of child benefit money. Most people who are able to will save some money for their kids, you aren't really the bountiful donor you're imagining here.

Just give her your gifts, give her the trust fund, and let her use your car when she's at home.

Picklelily99 · 02/09/2025 12:54

sunshinehunter9 · 01/09/2025 16:01

So my dd turns 18 next month, her driving test is 2 days before her birthday. She has a trust fund with 2 grand that was set aside in the hope she buys a car with it, but only she can access it. I know she absolutely loves a certain car in a certain colour and magically one is for sale near us asking for 1500.
I think we should buy the car then take the 1500 back once she empties her trust fund. Leaving her with 500 cash plus all the gifts we have already bought her. My DH thinks we should just give her the full fund and it's up to her how much she spends on the car.
Who is being unreasonable?

YABU - give her the full amount
Or
YANBU - use the money for the car and give her the 500

Also for note my DD really wants a car however she loves Temu and shopping and I doubt the money will go to a car in the long run and it was saved for that purpose.

Take her to view the car as soon as possible. Once she's faced with the prospect of actually owning it, she is in a better position to decide.

BusWankers · 02/09/2025 12:29

bigwhitedog · 01/09/2025 20:55

If only she can access it as you stated in your first post then it's her money. But then you changed your story to say it's your account, so who knows.

If someone bought me a car, put a bow on it and then told me I owed them £1500 I'd think they needed sectioned.

It might be like my daughter's, in my name whilst she's under 18 and will switch to her and not me.

So OP won't be able to access the money if it's a child's account anyway.

PeonyBulb · 02/09/2025 12:07

sunshinehunter9 · 01/09/2025 19:45

Okay to clear a few things up...who's money do you think is in it?
Mine.
I paid all of that into an account, I'm the main account holder and she's named on it. So when pp say buy a present with your own money, that IS our money, being gifted to her. We just wasn't sure if we should buy a car or give her the whole amount. She doesn't know this account exists. Plus as stated we've already bought her gifts as well.
In regards to uni she is still living at home, uni is 30 mins away either by bus or driving and the uni has ample parking spaces, however her friends are in different towns and she would like the freedom of a car.
Thanks for everyones views, my DH and I are still in discussions.

So it’s not a trust fund at all then

it’s just savings you have put away

Outofmilkagain · 02/09/2025 11:24

Who is paying for car insurance, tax, mot, service, petrol, break down cover ?

She should be paying this too

Excited101 · 02/09/2025 11:18

You can’t spend her money for her, that’s not good. If it’s a ‘surprise’ then you buy it. If it’s not, then it needs to be a considered decision from her.

HarryVanderspeigle · 01/09/2025 21:22

You can't buy her a car with her money and no prior discussion. You don't know what she wants and aren't factoring in all the running costs of a car that is old enough to only cost £1.5k. A present that she could do as she wished with is totally different.

OneKhakiFish · 01/09/2025 21:18

It's all getting very complicated, you could just tell her about her trust fund on her birthday and let her decide what to spend it on, as you've already bought gifts. The worst thing is she doesn't pass and the cars on the drive.

KatyaKat · 01/09/2025 21:05

sunshinehunter9 · 01/09/2025 19:45

Okay to clear a few things up...who's money do you think is in it?
Mine.
I paid all of that into an account, I'm the main account holder and she's named on it. So when pp say buy a present with your own money, that IS our money, being gifted to her. We just wasn't sure if we should buy a car or give her the whole amount. She doesn't know this account exists. Plus as stated we've already bought her gifts as well.
In regards to uni she is still living at home, uni is 30 mins away either by bus or driving and the uni has ample parking spaces, however her friends are in different towns and she would like the freedom of a car.
Thanks for everyones views, my DH and I are still in discussions.

For absolute clarity, an account in your name, with her named on it, is STILL her money, even if it's your money going in to it. To say that it's not would be classed as tax evasion.

bigwhitedog · 01/09/2025 20:55

If only she can access it as you stated in your first post then it's her money. But then you changed your story to say it's your account, so who knows.

If someone bought me a car, put a bow on it and then told me I owed them £1500 I'd think they needed sectioned.

VickyEadieofThigh · 01/09/2025 20:48

Bloodylovecheese · 01/09/2025 16:28

Does she need a car for Uni? Depending on where she's going that might be a bad move.

Indeed. Both my nieces got cars when they passed their tests in Y13. Neither took their car up to university.

Ilovelifeverymuch · 01/09/2025 20:45

sunshinehunter9 · 01/09/2025 20:08

No I said as already stated we've bought her gifts as well. A pp assumed a bow and petrol would be her only present.

Yes she'll also get her government trust fund too.

Show quote history

I'm not sure what you buying other gifts has to do with it.

The issue is if you buy the car you then need to have a conversation with her after you present her with the car to let her know that she owes you money and has to reimburse you since she is the only one who can access the funds. So it's cleaner and more transparent to just have the conversation before purchase and be on the same page.

The issue isn't that people think the car is her only gift it's that you're buying the "gift" with her money without telling her then expecting her to pay you back. And it is her money even if you put it here, the intention was that it was for her.

I get you want to surprise her and all that but as I said it's more transparent to have the discussion before buying the car since you expect her to give you the money back once she gets access to the funds.

DD0 · 01/09/2025 20:44

Could you not gift her the car, and let her pay for the 1st years insurance? I’d imagine it will be roughly the same value at that age.

Original poster

sunshinehunter9 · 01/09/2025 20:08

ToKittyornottoKitty · 01/09/2025 19:51

A trust fund that only she can access is HER money. Also if you had already said the account was a surprise then I think several of us missed that.

Show quote history

No I said as already stated we've bought her gifts as well. A pp assumed a bow and petrol would be her only present.

Yes she'll also get her government trust fund too.

OP posts:

ToKittyornottoKitty · 01/09/2025 19:51

sunshinehunter9 · 01/09/2025 19:45

Okay to clear a few things up...who's money do you think is in it?
Mine.
I paid all of that into an account, I'm the main account holder and she's named on it. So when pp say buy a present with your own money, that IS our money, being gifted to her. We just wasn't sure if we should buy a car or give her the whole amount. She doesn't know this account exists. Plus as stated we've already bought her gifts as well.
In regards to uni she is still living at home, uni is 30 mins away either by bus or driving and the uni has ample parking spaces, however her friends are in different towns and she would like the freedom of a car.
Thanks for everyones views, my DH and I are still in discussions.

A trust fund that only she can access is HER money. Also if you had already said the account was a surprise then I think several of us missed that.

Happygolucky314 · 01/09/2025 19:48

deckchairmayhem · 01/09/2025 16:28

Why does she need a car? Is it an impulse buy?

@deckchairmayhem why does anyone need a car?

I like my car to get me to work on the other side of town I like my car to transport my toddler around I like my car to take us to dancing each week. I like my car to take me on the motorway or wherever I may need to go.

what sort of question is why does she need a car? the clue is in itself she has her driving test 2 days before her birthday and is at uni away from home and will be for 3 years

H202too · 01/09/2025 19:48

sunshinehunter9 · 01/09/2025 19:45

Okay to clear a few things up...who's money do you think is in it?
Mine.
I paid all of that into an account, I'm the main account holder and she's named on it. So when pp say buy a present with your own money, that IS our money, being gifted to her. We just wasn't sure if we should buy a car or give her the whole amount. She doesn't know this account exists. Plus as stated we've already bought her gifts as well.
In regards to uni she is still living at home, uni is 30 mins away either by bus or driving and the uni has ample parking spaces, however her friends are in different towns and she would like the freedom of a car.
Thanks for everyones views, my DH and I are still in discussions.

She will also get her trust fund from government? If its a good car and she doesn't know about the money then buy it.

Original poster

sunshinehunter9 · 01/09/2025 19:45

Okay to clear a few things up...who's money do you think is in it?
Mine.
I paid all of that into an account, I'm the main account holder and she's named on it. So when pp say buy a present with your own money, that IS our money, being gifted to her. We just wasn't sure if we should buy a car or give her the whole amount. She doesn't know this account exists. Plus as stated we've already bought her gifts as well.
In regards to uni she is still living at home, uni is 30 mins away either by bus or driving and the uni has ample parking spaces, however her friends are in different towns and she would like the freedom of a car.
Thanks for everyones views, my DH and I are still in discussions.

OP posts:

Bitzee · 01/09/2025 18:51

Talk to her like the young adult she is. Ask if she’d like you to front her the money to buy the car. Make sure you also discuss plans to pay for maintenance and insurance after the first year. Let her make the decision. Alternatively buy it for her as a proper gift and surprise her but that has to be with no strings attached or expectation she pays you back. But you cannot spend her money for her. And it would be shockingly cruel to tie it up with a bow pretending it’s a gift then later drop the bombshell you want reimbursing.

GRex · 01/09/2025 18:45

sunshinehunter9 · 01/09/2025 16:14

We were thinking of asking her but I thought buying it, filling it with petrol and popping a bow on it would be such a surprise and I know she'd love that, and we couldn't do that if she already knows about it.
Yes we checked the insurance, it was an okay amount and we are covering it for her for the first year. She is just away to start uni, still living at home and will be for the next 3 years anyway.

So you've got a plan to "give" her a gift with her own money, that will cost her thousands per year while at uni. During which she might rately use it and would have been significantly better off with a rucksack/ wheelie bag and the train. Because you get a delighted look before she realises it wasn't a gift.

Yeah, no honey. But your own daughter a gift with your own money.