Perspective on BIL GF please

i agree. Wise woman.

I just don't know at what stage you go from being BF/GF to a true partnership

But she seems certain in her mind when that stage is, doesn't she?
For her it comes with being married and that seems quite reasonable

It isn’t at all manipulative, no. She’s being smart. Why should she be committed enough to bankroll someone who isn’t committed enough to marry her.

Even if she did literally give him an ultimatum- marry me or were through type thing, that wouldn’t be manipulative, that would be her saying what she wants from the relationship and saying if they don’t want the same things they’d both be better finding someone who does.

She has her head screwed on, and he needs to grow up and stop spending money on a lavish lifestyle until he has enough savings to tide him over during tougher points in times in his business. As he hasn’t, he needs another job to do so, rather than relying on GF or mum to do so.

If he doesn’t want to marry but she does then she is being very sensible. It doesn’t sound like a partnership at the moment, just two people dating.

OP - are you worried about MIL or are you worried that MIL may “waste” your inheritance helping her son, so would rather his partner does so to protect your (eventual) inheritance? She isn’t even your mother, and that is her son - is your DH as concerned as you? Like other posters have said I am shocked you actually asked her this - it is 100% none of your business!!!

She is very intelligent- marriage is actually a legal contract not a romantic thing. She is very wise to refuse to bankroll someone who won’t even commit to her. At least with marriage she would have a legal stake in the company or her investment would be safer when things go bust. There may also be good reasons she doesn’t want to invest in BIL business - you think it’s going well but have no idea what the ins and outs are or how he’s ended up needing to be bailed out. Stop making this her (or your MIL) issue - he needs to sort himself out and you need to wind your neck in.

If it's just a blip his bank should be his first port of call.

But it appears she is right for sticking to her guns and keeping her money to herself. I know she is right for wanting to protect herself. I just dont like my MIL being seen as the safety net

But it’s your BIL who sees his mother in that way, not his girlfriend. Maybe your problem is with him?

I agree with her- she wants the commitment of a marriage before she lends her money out, and why wouldn’t she? If he doesn’t want to marry her, is that because he’s waiting to see if he can do better? I don’t see her as manipulative at all, apparently she has been quite open and she’s not asking him to go into debt or anything to maintain their lifestyle- she’s supporting him to cut back. That seems pretty helpful to me.

Good for her. He's a grown man who should support himself, him asking his mum is on h8m nothing to do with his partner. Two years isn't actually that long and how much are we talking?

Look up blackmail in the dictionary, this is not it.

Nothing baffling about her at all.
Wise, smart woman refusing to financially subsidise a man she is not married to, when they normally split 50/50.

That is exactly how it reads. All this faux concern for MIL...

All power to the GF!!! Thank God a story about a woman doing the right thing and having boundaries. Why should she support him?!

She's quite right in not wanting to use her earned income to prop up a failing business. If it really was just lean times in an otherwise viable business he could get a loan. Why she should be expected to take a risk a bank wouldnt? And for a man not sufficiently committed to her to marry her. He's probably doing her a huge favour in withholding marriage tbh, as I'm not sure a wedding ring from a reluctant groom is worth losing your assets for.
You should not have questioned her in that loaded way either imo, implying she was wrong that that he 'had' to ask his mother. His decision to ask his mother to sub him is his alone, not her responsibility.

Could it be that BIL and GF are no longer available for double dates that is not sitting well with you?

Why doesn't he apply for invoice finance rather than asking family for handouts?

Do you also acknowledge that it is your BIL treating MIL as a safely net, not his GF?

There is no safety in this for GF, she is independent and will continue to be independent whether BIL’s business succeeds or fails.

Shes sticking to her boundaries. Good for her.

She is doing exactly what I would do. Why on earth would she hand over money in this situation? She’s adjusting her spending as he can’t afford their previous social life- seems sensible to me.

Less in the inheritance pot, innit?

I think she sounds great. Sounds like he’s used to women bailing him out.

MIL also has a choice. She doesn’t have to help him.

I just wonder, OP, why you're only scrutinising the girlfriend's behaviour and not asking why your BIL won't marry her? It seems like he's getting away scot-free holding out his hand to the women in his life without you thinking he should offer anything in return? It's him treating your MIL as a safety net, not her.

You're so weirdly invested in this I wonder if there is some jealousy that MIL is giving BIL money but not your DH?

It isn't even your mother, I'd be livid if I was either MIL or BBIL. They are able to make their own decisions without your input.

Truly odd.

She’d be stupid to marry him anyway. She sounds like a very smart woman, good for her.

If his business isn’t viable, he should give it up and go back to paid work. Nobody should be having to bail him out. He is the one taking advantage.