Perspective on BIL GF please

Maybe they usually split expenses, including evenings out. If he has no money
to go out, she isn’t going out either and saving the money instead, to the tune of several thousands per month, according to BIL. Would certainly explain why he doesn’t have any money when business is slow.

Perhaps you are worried about the pot diminishing before you get your share

Everyone else can. 🤣

I wonder if he was earning 6 figures before he left his job to start this business.

I wouldn't expect a partner I was not married to to lend me money. However, i don't think he should be relying on his mum to prop him up either!

Also, there’s no one universal point. Even when deciding to marry people can take steps to protect their pre-marital assets (tbh I think it would be wise for the girlfriend to do this should they marry). It depends entirely upon the individuals in the relationship.

She's right. Why should she bail him out, he should have saved for lean times.

I'd liken the fact that she has curtailed her social life due to his lack of funds to me not eating crisps and chocolate when my husband is on a diet. I'm not cutting off my nose to spite my face, I'm acting in solidarity.

Why would she financially help out a man who doesn't want to marry her? That would be crazy in my opinion. His mother will always be his mother but she mightn't always be his girlfriend. She's showing a bit of solidarity by not spending a lot when he can't. I think she sounds like a lovely partner and very sensible woman.

Good for her.

The thing that always amazes me with threads like this is that you say your Bil normally earns £100k, but has no savings to bail himself out.
How on earth can people be so clever to earn that much but have no financial acumen or pay for advice?

They're not married. Why do you expect a gf to support him rather than his next of kin, which is his mom?

It's no one's job to step up to support a business that sounds like it's going to fail. He can ask whoever he wants. If they say yes, that's their choice. GF's being smart not putting money in she's unlikely to see back as there are no legal ties. Good for her.

Yes, being sensible and financially prudent is often denigrated as being ‘cold’, as if it isn’t in fact vastly superior to being foolish (or ‘warm’, if you’d rather) and putting yourself at a disadvantage.

Why aren't you stepping up and bailing him out?

Then its down to BiL to put his big boy pants on and support himself isn't it?
Don't know why either his mum or his girlfriend should be expected to bankroll him.

Yes, that’s what I mean. Everyone would be calling the woman a gold digger and the poster probably wouldn’t even think this was remotely baffling!!

She’s not expecting your MIL to step in, he is. Your MIL can also do as his partner does and refuse to finance him.

This is not in any way either of their responsibility. That your MIL chooses to step in is on her, and does not oblige his girlfriend to do the same.

If his business has bern successful for a few years and he has bern earning 6 figures why doesn’t he have savings to tide him over?

The gf sounds sensible. Maybe she thinks he would take more risks if she bailed him out and isn’t up for that.

Over a few glasses of wine at the weekend I asked why she wasn't helping her partner out and instead expecting MIL to step in.

The absolute fucking cheek of you for even thinking that was ok to ask.

The way she chooses to spend (or save) her money nothing to do with you, nor is the prospect of BIL asking his own mother for assistance.

You sound like a huge Pick Me.

She's absolutely right. My guess is she'll move on to someone who is prepared,to make a commitment.
Too many women (a lot of whom post on here) let men get away with far too much, and sacrifice their own financial stability. If she puts money in, and his business fails, that's her security compromised, and all her saving wasted. I know this sounds mercenary, but it really matters that any woman can make her own life decisions, and financial security is key to that.

I’m with her. Although if I wanted to marry someone and they didn’t want to marry me, after 2 years I’d leave.

And a business that is successful enough for BIL to take a six figure salary can survive a blip of a few invoices.

If it does, of course. Even if OP means it turns over six figures, BIL has poor reserves and cash flow management.

The business has worked for a good few years he's just over committed himself. It is very much a blip. Normally he would be making 6 figures as well. They are pretty equal in that regard- it's just where she is employed her income is more predictable.

If he's been making 6 figures for a "good few years" yet has no safety net and has over committed himself then she's even more sensible not to get involved without any commitment as that shows a real lack of business sense on his part.

He should have been building a safety net, not going out multiple times a week and spending equivalent to someone with a predictable income

If you have an ounce of sense you will sincerely apologise for even asking, and plead alcohol as the reason.

If she has an ounce of sense, which it seems she does, your rude, noseying question will mark your card with her, and she will be very wary and boundaried with you going forward.
I certainly would.

I bet it's more that he thinks his business is going to boom and he doesn't want her having any part of it.

The ones that are still borrowing money from family and friends several years into starting their business always seem to be the ones that reckon they're going to be the next Bezos or Sugar.