Daughters, wives, bridesmaid dresses

As long as she's keeping it between you two and not letting it show to either of the girls then she'll just have to work it out.

Were you both expecting her children to be invited? Is it perhaps a realisation for her that her relationship with your DD isn't what she thought it was?

Took me a bit to work out who you were and who is who's mother, so your daughter is going dress shopping with your ex wife who isnt your child's mum and her daughter (who is also your daughter) and your wife who is the mother of the your youngest is annoyed she isn't invited? Well assuming they can't stand eachother it's hardly going to be the nice exciting shopping trip that bridesmaid shopping usually is if your ex husband's new wife wants to tag along. Who's getting married?

It sounds like some insecurity, maybe jealousy, on your wife's part. I know sometimes when I have the hump about something, and I know I'm being unreasonable, I can't/don't want to articulate it because I know I'll seem daft.

Sometimes something doesn't feel right and I can't really pinpoint why.

But either way, it's for your wife to manage by herself. There really is nothing wrong with the situation, she just needs to put her feelings aside for the sake of your daughter.

Can’t see an issue, current wife seems unreasonable

The first few posts were extremely confusing, you only gave context after. So this is why ppl are unclear

Yes I agree. I was pointing out your irony of it not being difficult to understand OP, when it CLEARLY is 🤷‍♀️😂

OK so elder daughter is actually getting married. Even less reason for current wife to care. Of course they are going to shop together.

I think it’s weird you are focused on the sisters vs half sisters language.

We have several half siblings on our blended family but we just call them sisters / brothers etc.

But to your actual question - your daughter spending time with your ex wife for these short specific trips shouldn’t really be an issue.

I think at the age your youngest daughter is this is fine. She is in the care of her big (half) sister. My sister came to visit me when she was an adult and I took her on a shopping spree and for a haircut with no input from our parents. She loved it. Is your ex wife someone who caused problems or is likely to cause some sort of issues? Otherwise it's fine.

In your wife's shoes, I would set guidelines on what is and is not acceptable. eg: I would not allow my 13 yr to have gel or artificial nails. I would also set some guidelines on what I consider to be acceptable clothing if they are shopping for a dress. Then I'd back off and leave them to it.

I don't know why OP keeps insisting that half-sisters aren't sisters. They kind of are, certainly when it comes to things like inheritance. More to the point his own DDs consider themselves sisters.

So it's lovely that younger sister is going to be older sister's bridesmaid, and that they're going shopping for the bridesmaid's dress together. All the adults should be glad they have this relationship and make every effort to support it.

I think people's bafflement arises from thinking that there must be more to this. Because on the face of it, it's flamin' obvious that 2nd wife/mum is totally unreasonable. More than unreasonable - threatening to derail this little rite of passage for her daughter and stepdaughter, out of what - jealousy, dislike of 1st wife, fear?

Whether OP is being unreasonable to support his angry wife is a different question. Sounds like he's looking for a reason to agree with her, so he doesn't have to confront her and in her eyes "defend" his DDs and ex.

Have you asked your current wife why she is upset?

Oh the irony 😆😆
Not difficult to understand, yet you have not understood… read again to see who’s actually getting married 😆😆

Well she's right about nails coming off for school - totally inappropriate at her age to be going to school with gel nails on.

Because if they were full sisters there wouldn’t even be a post by the Op as all the brides appointments etc would be with their shared mother.
But the sisters have different Mothers, which makes them half sisters, and the new wife is not 100% happy with her DD going with the old wife

Why would your current wife expect to join the makeup and hair and dress sessions for the bridal party?

Unless you have some reason to think your elder daughter and her mother will behave inappropriately around your younger daughter she is plenty old enough to try on a dress and have an opinion without needing her mother’s supervision. I loathe gel nails etc on youngsters but for a 14 year old being a bridesmaid I’d shrug and let it go as a special occasion if its what the bride and bridesmaids wanted. When mine did bridesmaiding at this age they didn’t need me to accompany them to dress fittings (there was always a bride’s mother or similar present). I only went if explicitly asked, ditto their dad with the boys on page duty.

The only way you will understand why your wife is upset is by asking her. If your younger daughter wants her sister as a bridesmaid when she marries would she expect to invite your ex to these sessions?

It's not difficult to understand.

You have 2 daughters, one with your ex-wife and the other with your current wife.

Your ex-wife is remarrying and has asked both of your daughters to be bridesmaids. Hence the girlie wedding shopping trip.

I think that is really lovely and inclusive of your ex-wife and no, I wouldn't have a problem with it at all, especially as she will be with her older sister etc.. It sounds fun.

I voted YABU but I mean your wife is BU. I hope your daughter isn’t aware of your wife’s wishes and enjoys the excitement of being a bridesmaid for her big sister

Snap!

Why are you getting your knickers in a twist regarding the use of the word sisters? They are sisters, be that full or half - they are related by blood.

Weird hill to die on...

It seems very off that you are so determined to insist that they are not sisters.

They might have different Mothers but you are both their Fathers and it is surprising that you are constantly insisting that they are not sisters.
They might be half but they are sisters and it seems very divisive of you replying to every post to point out that they are not.
Is there a back story here?
Most people would be delighted to have their daughters be sisters!!

Your posts are DEFINITELY not written well and have DEFINITELY caused confusion, to me included!

If I understand correctly, your dd (with your now wife) is attending her half sisters wedding and being a bridesmaid. Your ex wife is the mother of the bride. The 3 of them are doing things together for the wedding. If this is correct, your now wife is jealous .. it’s that simple. She is jealous and being ridiculous. Your dd should be part of the wedding, run up to it, all that it entails - it’s lovely they’re including her this way. Your wife needs to get a grip quite frankly.

Your post was very clear.

However, I think, given it is her [half] sister’s wedding and she will be there as chaperone and choosing the dresses for her own wedding, I think I’d encourage your current wife to calm down. It is natural (and traditional) that your ex-wife, ie your older daughter’s mother, is part of that shopping trip - just as, when your younger daughter has her wedding dress shopping trip your current wife/her mother would hope to be included but the ex wife would not be.

At 14 she is perfectly old enough to attend in the care of her older sister, the bride to be. You need to talk your wife down over this.