SIL still isolating due to covid risk

I think you raise some very interesting points here. I have a friend who is still shielding, won't go out of the house, won't meet people. She is not immunosuppressed and has no health problems. She just became obsessed with COVID and catching it.
She didn't even go to her own mother's funeral, which was last year, and not subject to any COVID rules.
I would agree that there are certainly other issues at play.

A colleage did the same. Didn't got out for five years then sadly decided to end his life.

I've had Covid twice and for me it wasn't any worse than a head cold. In all honesty, I've had worse head colds before and since, to the point that last time I actually said I'd have preferred to have Covid!

That said, I do think it is doing the rounds again and is wiping people out a lot more again (because the healthy have not had recent vaccines, possibly?). I've known a few people that have had it (who are testing because of contact with vulnerable people) and all have said it absolutely floored them, including a friend of mine that I've known for 20 years and have never known him to even moan about feeling under the weather, let alone take a day off sick, who was bed bound for 3 days.

As much as your SIL definitely needs some support to be able to move forward, I wouldn't say that going into a winter is the best time to do it. The last thing she needs is to actually catch it as it will only make her worse.

Yeah that's no way to live.
Ive got cancer and even im not that careful. Life is for living.

There is a difference between enjoying home based activities like reading, gardening and cooking and not being able to leave your house except for medical appointments.

My husbands friend’s wife is like this, it really looks like she’s developed both agoraphobia and social anxiety, it’s a really sad situation and her husband is really concerned and frustrated. It is absolutely a mental health issue, it feels like she was so scared and traumatised by Covid, she can’t now mentally move back to normal life, the impact has been enormous on her. She’s in her mid 40s and her world is now so small and she is so isolated as well. She is terrified to leave the house.

As others have said, it's a mental health issue. Long covid is awful (I have two friends with it) but her fear is disproportionate to the risk of her contracting it. And, in any case, the cure in this case is worse than the disease...

Life involves risk - we cross the road, we drive cars, we ride bicycles, we swim, women give birth. All of these could cause death or serious injury (although often less than they did in the recent past). But they are positve parts of life.

She needs help...

I guess it depends on your version of "worth." Some people think the highlights of life are going out to restaurants, pubs, movies etc. Others love being home reading or gardening, cooking etc. I know quite a few people who rediscovered their love of being a homebody through the lockdown and who are we to deem that "tragic"?

I agree some therapy may help?

Long covid is debilitating and I can absolutely understand her wanting to avoid it at all costs.

However LC isn’t the only risk to health. We are all only the next minute away from something that can change our lives forever and she may avoid LC but she can’t/wont avoid those things.

My ds developed problems with his legs at 8yo and we discovered he has a degenerative neuromuscular condition.

Health anxiety is a real thing and debilitating in itself. I doubt she’ll ever stop worrying about it but maybe CBT would help her manage her anxiety around it?

I know of someone like that - masks, gloves, sprays, constant hand washing - not physically vulnerable. Insists that everyone else behaves the same. Was controlling before COVID but now has reason/excuse to order people about.

DB is putting his head in the sand about it. Doesn't like conflict

That's a shame, because you said she resists all attempts to get her to access help for her MH and I'd have hoped he could drive this - unless of course he's tried and also been rebuffed

Of course it's made worse because with a wrecked immune sytem she'll catch everything that's going when/if she moves on from this, but TBH I'm not sure there's much you can do

There’s a young-ish family living on my street who are like this. They have everything delivered, rarely go out (and are masked when they do) and have two school aged children who have never been back to school since. I suspect they are being ‘home schooled’ officially but this can’t be healthy can it?

I do know (as the children were at my school, but not in my class, prior to lockdown) that there is no underlying cause for this, ie nobody in the family is immunocompromised, so would imagine mental health is the cause here.

It’s no way to live…especially with children. 😢

'I think for a certain group of people (excluding those with immune vulnerabilities and LC etc) COVID became an excuse to step away from society and people and some people have leaned into this.'

Exactly this.

Like anyone with mh issues you just have to tread carefully don't get into covid debates just keep quietly saying her behaviour is concerning and she needs help from a mh professional.

Life is for living. I feel so sad for people who are affected much more drastically by the fear of the thing, than by the thing itself. I’m immunocompromised but I have the boosters and go about my life as normal.

Id speak to your brother, she needs an intervention or psychiatric help.

As others have said there is nothing you can do if she won't recognise she has a serious mental health issue, the covid thing is a red herring just used to subconsciously enable her agoraphobia/anxiety whatever it is.

All you and your db can do is persistently suggest she sees her gp but obviously it's down to her.

I think for a certain group of people (excluding those with immune vulnerabilities and LC etc) COVID became an excuse to step away from society and people and some people have leaned into this.

There's a small but sizeable percentage of people who really hate interacting with others outside their families and struggle with social anxiety to a point where it's severely debilitating. Prior to COVID most people were forced to do it so they developed a bit of a social muscle but the ability to shield and isolate allowed them a plausible reason to extricate themselves from these social interactions.

I find it profoundly worrying, to be honest and I think as a society we still haven't really tackled the hard questions about why so many people are terrified of other people.

There are lots of people still shielding or being covid cautious...for me I have damaged lungs, for others they have medications that affect their immune systems...lots of reasons. I mask ..but feel 'stand out' so do much less.

SO if everyone could be kind about extra ventilation, smiles to someone who is masking our lives could be so much better. I now have my happy places cafes with courtyards, post office where the door is always open. I judge the risks and watch the covid stats. There really are thousands of us.. we hide often because small accommodations don't happen.
Bless your SIL is ot possible you dont know her full medical history?

I am immunocompromised because of the drugs I take for a life long condition. I had to shield and still get the vaccination twice a year. There is a half way house that enables you to live life. I always carry antibacterial hand gel and use it regularly. I always carry a mask but only use it if someone close by is coughing badly. I fly but always wear a mask on the plane. If it’s long haul I change masks regularly. I live life normally but take these sensible and I think proportionate measures. I really have to avoid any respiratory infections not just Covid and doing this really helps.

She might never get long COVID but the way she is living, long Covid would probably be less restrictive

What about things like dementia or all the other things that come with this sort of lifestyle.

At this point I think psychiatric therapy is needed

What does she think is happening in the rest of the world.
I actually think it is quite arrogant. She won’t expose herself to any risks but she expects food to be in the supermarket and other people to do their jobs so that she can have this no risk lifestyle.
Even if she watches TV. Unless she only watches programmes from pre 2020. How do you think they got to her screen.
How does she think the rest of the company she works for operates.
Why does she feel she can act this way?

She needs help for her anxiety. Will she talk about it with you or anyone?

Are people still getting long covid from the most recent variants? The only people I know with LC got it early on (and are still struggling 4-5 years later).

It sounds as though she has a mental illness similar to agoraphobia, and she just happens to be focusing on long covid.

"you can't help someone who doesn't think they need help."

sadly this.