SIL still isolating due to covid risk

I'm in my early forties and have been significantly immunosuppressed since 2021, but I just get on with my life. I definitely get more infections than the average person, but the alternative is no life at all... I agree with other posters that CBT or some form of therapy would be really beneficial for your S-I-L. Very tough situation for you to witness, I'm sure. Xx

Yes things got better for me when l started properly working with an OT and a hypnotist.

The hypnotist reduced the anxiety which usually goes with LC due to dysregularion od the nervous system.

The OT told me about neuroplasticity
and how the brain gets stuck trying to protect you. I did a lot of vagal nerve exercises but you basically have to ignore the symptoms because the brain gets stuck wants to protect you. Kind of push through but not to exhaustion.

I had awful eye issues. Couldn’t watch tv. I tried to ignore them and it became possible. Then l staeted some knitting and my eyes just went crazy. It was a new thing that threatened the brain. I just ignored it and carried on.

HTH. Or sent me a really interesting webinars which l can send you if you want. The anxiety of LC drives the brain to keep you safe.

That is not the point I was making. The point I was making was that we should shut out the posts from the people who talk about how bad their experiences of long covid are. This is because their experiences are not typical and elevating the experience of an unfortunate few leads to people making life decisions based on the loudest repetitive worst case scenarios.

I'm sorry if you have 'Long-Covid', but your worst case scenario is not relevant here.

Is she happy living her life? Does she express loneliness or does she prefer to wfh?

I don't think you need to rescue her, in fact it could be quite insulting to swoop in and help her if she doesn't need any help and you're basing a judgement about her lifestyle on what you believe is the right way for a 38 year old to live.

But she isn’t just deciding to stay at home. She is claiming that her actions are restricted by Covid.

I do agree that the impact on the DH is troubling in this instance.

But I disagree it is not clear what she is living for. I'm afraid I find that patronising in the extreme. Its not for us to say. She has a job, she has a partner (who she needs to consider, I agree), she gets out for walks. There might just not be anything - pub, shops etc - that she feels that compelled to pursue that cannot be pursued at home.

I agree.

We indulge the sob stories of posters who claim to suffer with 'Long-COVID

is an incredibly insensitive and condescending post by @Everanewbie

Most of us choose to take the risk of flus, viruses etc by being out and about because the things we want to do or the people we want to support involve doing so. Some meet it halfway and just do less through the winter months.

But why do we have to dictate what others do if they are genuinely happy with what they are doing? In this instance to me the problematic issue is that her DH seems affected by it. But were that not the case, so what, why not?

I agree with this. Some posters are acting like she is suffering from long covid already which would be a completely different matter. She is not.

I think she needs to see her GP. This is a mental health problem.

Op, I'm sorry to dreail but I have a question for another poster

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow
I'm currently in the throes of those fkn adrenaline rushes when I'm actually asleep or when I'm falling asleep and it's just horrible.
Sorry, I know you don't want to think about it too much.
I had covid over 14 months ago and have been awful since- with the odd few days' window of hope before I succumb to the next thing!
I don't know that it's long covid per se- this winter it was 'flu that battered me and just now I have something that feels like covid but isn't.
It's the length of time of these viral illnesses that feels relentless- this last has been about 3 months and still going.
I'm terrified of kids going back to 6th form, I cannot cope with another illness.
Anyway, longwinded way of asking- have things got a bit better for you and any advice?!

This is incredibly sad and I fear there are more people like this than we realise.

The point is that I don't believe that Long Covid is a) common enough; or b) serious enough to curtail a full life. People have their free will, they can do what they like, and I am compassionate to those whose mental illness renders them unable to make a rationale balanced decision. Where I run out of compassion is the point where the irrational behaviour starts to impact others, in this case, OPs brother.

There is an online cult which she's presumably a part of. Unfortunately arguments about how unlikely long covid is don't work with these people because they believe we all have organ damage that we don't know about (i.e. asymptomatic long covid). At the most extreme end, some people believe that the reason most people are not taking precautions is that we all have covid-induced brain damage that causes us to take risks. Have a look at the zero covid community subreddit if you want to see the sort of thing she is likely reading.

I do know someone like this, OP. Last year she was forced to go back into the office for two days a week and purchased a bespoke medical-grade respirator-style mask with extra filters, which she wears whenever she's out of the house. She's only 47 and her world has imploded. She will go for a walk in the countryside, but stays several metres away from everyone and would die rather than use a public loo or a cafe. She has Type 1 diabetes and is terrified of getting ill.

She's 47 now. She lives alone, her mother died some years ago and her father remarried and lives in Australia and is rarely in touch. I phone her occasionally. She has nothing to say and seems to be content at home, watching TV and playing video games, with her Tesco deliveries each week and two days in her office with the door shut and the window open. Her plan is to work until she's 55 and then just, in her words, become a complete hermit.

But you only get hurt in a train crash if you’re on a train.

This isn’t the same with Covid which is everywhere.

Thanks for ‘indulging’ those with Long Covid👍🏻you sound a very compassionate person

However, the SIL is not just making a personal choice, but controlling the behaviour of others.

Caution has to be weighed against what is gained. In these circumstances it’s not clear what the SIL is living for.

Millions of people have life limiting conditions but still live life as fully as possible.

I am on immunosuppressants and had to shield too. Added to this I can no longer have the Covid vaccine due to a reaction.

I don't alter my life. I go to crowded places (gigs, theatre, football etc) and go on public transport. I have had Covid several times and I have to take the anti virals when I get it, the last bout was the only one which made me feel crap, I had brain fog and felt tired for about 2-3 weeks but then fully recovered than goodness.

I take the same view as I do to taking the immunosuppressants, I know I am at a higher risk of skin cancer (so I wear factor 50 at all times) and blood cancer (which I can't do anything about) but the alternative is not to take them and be ill all the time and have no life, and I would rather have a shorter enjoyable life than be ill the whole time so I take the risk

It sounds like she has health anxiety and cannot assess risk properly, I would think some counselling would help.

@Calliopespa

Yes but has this lady said she "hates people." My understanding is that she was a "social butterfly" so clearly doesn't.
There are of course cases where MH is involved - and there always were people who had social aversion. There is nothing on the face of op's post to suggest that is what is at play.
But I don't think it's helpful to lump people in buckets and pathologise choices.
I find some of it quite bullying because I think much of the noise is in fact to do with people grappling with anxiety about their own choices.

I think people grappling with anxiety should be supported with it, of course. But there's clearly a lot of denial and head in the sand behaviour going on here. Unless there is very significant immune compromise or long-lasting post COVID illness, anyone who is still isolating after five years needs some significant help with their mental health.

I don't need to "pathologise" her choice, I think she's already doing that for herself. That deserves compassion and support but let's not normalise it.

I have to sympathise with your poor SIL, OP.

I did a bit of research on scientific articles about Long Covid recently, as I have had three concussions over the past decade and there has been recently research into how LC can be similar in presentation to concussion patients, which is leading medical professionals to work on treatment that is similar to post concussion syndrome patients.

Having lived with post concussion syndrome for a year after my first concussion a decade ago, I can see how awful it is to live with Long Covid, especially if it is probably caused by inflammation, as a head injury is not dissimilar too in some symptoms (cognitive etc).

I was terrified of getting Covid and hoping that I'd avoided it but recently went through a week of it during the summer holidays, and survived. I didn't have the vaccination as I also have a medication induced neurological involuntary movement disorder called tardive dyskinesia that was caused by some off label antipsychotic after my head injury, and I'm extremely sensitive to medication side effects now.

I can absolutely understand how your SIL feels, especially when considering how debilitating my post concussion syndrome symptoms were. One of my friends has Long Covid too, and she's only just gone back to work in the past year

But, and i say this with kindness, she needs to go out and live life without fear. It's easier said than done of course, and I do totally empathise with the anxiety. I've been there, but know it's nowhere near as bad as it could be. It is obviously very hard for her, but she has to go out and feel her fear while just making a life for herself. She will see her life pass her h6 otherwise and that would be a real shame.😔

That is an incredibly patient man. This is clearly not sustainable and is completely disproportionate to the threat.

We indulge the sob stories of posters who claim to suffer with 'Long-COVID' but I am sure there are stories from people about how injuries from a train crash have had a detrimental affect on their lives. It doesn't mean that we should obsess on unlikely worst case scenarios.

Like all PP have said, she needs urgent psychiatric help. But as she is refusing it and your brother doesn't have a pair to stand up to her and say that that is NOT how they will be living if they are to stay together, then there is nothing you can do.
Just be thankful they don't have children.

Sounds like she needs mental health support tbh