SIL still isolating due to covid risk

As a LC person, l don’t see any option, unless public health changes or we get a sterilising vaccine. I’m praying for the later.

I don’t want to wear a sodding mask at all. But l don’t want 2 years of LC again. And being unable to sit up, wash myself or all the other horrors it inflicted on me.

Hi OP,

Are you close enough to ask your SIL if she feels she is missing out on any aspects of life by 'shielding'? Could your DB have a word with the GP? Could he explain to your SIL that there are things he feels he is missing out on?

I have extremely severe OCD so my life is not too different to your SILs but I am actively working on it with help from a Psychologist. It does seem a bit odd that she doesn't want to change her life, although perhaps she does but finds it hard to talk about! If you do talk to her at all, make sure she doesn't feel criticised and feels as though you're on her side and maybe remind her of the 'old' her and how her life used to be!

You wrote ‘’You're in for a shock then. There are thousands still shielding due to lack of covid mitigations’’ ….you have posted a link to an NHS advice page that was last reviewed in March 2023 that links in turn to a gov page that was posted in June 2022. Do you not think anything has moved on since then for the vast majority of people? Apart from wars and terrorism, the pandemic was one of the most traumatic events at a national level and left many dead, bereaved or long term ill, how about acknowledging it for the trauma that it was and then think about life now and in the future. If you are not extremely vulnerable then it is an utter waste of your life to continue to be so frightened.

As previously mentioned there are a number of neutralising nasal sprays on the horizon.

Wrong. Read my post - i didnt say advises people to shield. Read the NHS advice. You are very very wrong.

sorry but that is absolutely untrue that the NHS still advises people to shield from Covid. There are patients,like there ALWAYS have been, that will always need to take precautions against ALL infections such as those going through chemo. It's not a covid specific thing. i attend groups with people with CFS and Long Covid, we are asked to be considerate by not attending if we are ill but we are not all still being expected to test or mask or isolate! I occasionally meet a person who is wearing a mask at a group but that is perfectly fine if it means they are actually attending groups that will give them the skills to cope better. The idea that anyone without clinical extreme vulnerability ,such as the OP's relative , would need to continue to social distance is absurd and its very clear from this thread how some people remain mentally impacted by covid.It makes me extremely angry how people are still perpetuating this myth because of a misplaced sense of fear.

This post hits the nail on the head.

I don’t want to minimise long covid, I realise it exists and it is a risk. I think the ability to access risk is lacking

You're in for a shock then. There are thousands still shielding due to lack of covid mitigations. NHS guidance still advises clinically vulnerable to consider working from home, only meeting outdoors, ventilation, masking, testing. There are massive groups of people living the way she is.

Having a go at someone else for choosing to wear a mask is twat behaviour.

It really was an absolutely fucking terrible idea to create a social norm that what other people have on their faces is the business of others. This is the unfortunate outcome of the sort of sentiment we saw on here a few years ago when people started threads whining about other people's mask exemptions. That sort of thing is very hard to put back in the box once out.

But there are easy mitigations, but people don't want to take them or abuse others for doing so. Ventilation, HEPA filtration, FFP3 masks

Yes, and thats all fine but this woman isn’t limiting herself to this. She’s choosing to live in almost total social isolation.

I would never abuse anyone for wearing a mask or taking meaningful steps to mitigate risk. But I do think it’s right to acknowledge that this is way beyond this. Its full blown neurosis.

I asked a number of questions.

But there are easy mitigations, but people don't want to take them or abuse others for doing so. Ventilation, HEPA filtration, FFP3 masks. Look at smoking - we know the dangers but people still do it - its not however acceptable to force other people into smoke filled just because its not the only health risk.
There are neutralising nasal sprays on the horizon which will dramatically reduce the longterm health risks.

So she is happy to be in touch online or go for a walk.
She just doesn't want to go to the pub with you?

If you are so concerned about her isolation, could you plan more meetings outside?

@mumatlast14

Or those around could acknowledge there is a risk and embrace that while also having social interactions with her. There are many Covid Safe groups that meet online and in person who don't gaslight each other into taking unnecessary risks because it feels different.

It sounds like the OP is doing that? She's meeting her for distanced walks and doing zoom calls etc. I don't think anyone is talking about forcing this woman into taking risks she's not comfortable with (I don't think its possible to completely avoid unnecessary risk but that's another discussion). And no one is "gaslighting" her, if anything it sounds like people are bending over backwards to accommodate this.

But I don't see why people can't understand how illogical it is to pick one health risk from the smorgasbord of potential health risks out there and not only to completely reshape your life around this but to expect your family and close friends to also reshape theirs. It's a free country and anyone can do that if they choose to. But you can't expect to do this indefinitely without it impacting on your social relationships. This woman is effectively saying "I value my ability to completely eliminate risk more than I value my husband or immediate family". That's not a sustainable position.

A lot of people have posted very credible research on Long COVID on here and most of this is compelling, but what seems to be lacking is an acknowledgement that this isn't the only risk which people face and that this behaviour in itself points to some underlying health issues. There very clearly is at least an inability to properly assess risk here which needs some support.

Psychiatric help isn't really available unless you can pay for it or you're dangerous to yourself or others. She would probably be offered 6 sessions of cbt if she fancies waiting about a year.

People are being left alone with severe mental health struggles.

Well actually my family have recently had what we believe to be Covid and it’s been a very nasty illness. So I say good for her. If she’s happy and it’s no affecting anyone adversely then avoiding this virus seems a good plan.

That's a mental health problem, she needs help from the GP

I've tried to give you lots of kind advice but you seem determined to dismiss covid and badge it all as mental health. That's not helpful for anyone.

There is a spectrum on how people react to Covid. At one end there are people like the sister-in-law, who despite being young and healthy, have a fear of Covid that has limited their life significantly. At the other end you have got people who deny that Covid exist. And then everybody else is spread somewhere along the middle. Most people will of course think that their view is the ‘correct’ one.

Certainly in my mental health service we had a huge number of people presenting with anxiety, worsening OCD and depression triggered by the pandemic. We are now getting fewer referrals like that, (we’re getting more for ADHD and ASD now). But for many years it was a significant part of the initial presentation. Not the virus or the physical health problems, but the mental health sequelae from being isolated for so long. That’s not surprising of course.

I think it’s fine for family to be concerned about loved ones whose behaviour has changed a lot. They can gently offer support without judging. I can see no evidence that the OP wants to abandon her relative or is criticising the sister-in-law. It seems like genuine concern about the sister-in-law and the effect on her brother, which I think is pretty reasonable really.

And it is a shame that there are not more long Covid clinics to offer people the support that they need.

Or those around could acknowledge there is a risk and embrace that while also having social interactions with her. There are many Covid Safe groups that meet online and in person who don't gaslight each other into taking unnecessary risks because it feels different.

Well if you’ve read research on the impact of social isolation but not the impact of covid it’s unsurprising it would seem that way to you, isn’t it? Maybe read both and then make a more informed decision about what is and isn’t in kilter? But even then it will be your decision, not hers, and she is a grown woman.

I’m not necessarily saying you’re ultimately wrong, I haven’t read much research on either, but if you’ve only read research on one you clearly don’t have the full picture. As an adult she is entitled to make her own risk assessment, although of course you can express your opinions to her.