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Original poster

Mum is flying abroad before my due date

114 replies

Cupcake9753679 · 31/08/2025 23:59

I am due on the first of November, my mother promised she would book off 2 weeks when I give birth to help me following child birth. I already have a 3yr old who refuses to stay with anyone but me, my husband or my mum. He has never stayed the night away from my husband or I and has a great bond with my mother.
I have no other family around that can watch my son, I have some siblings but they are too young and my husbands family live hours away.
the issue is, my mother wants to see her grandmother abroad who is on her death bed and won’t return until the 24th of October. Cutting this very close, I told her that without childcare my husband would have to be with my little one during labour and I’d have to take my younger sister with me to the hospital and told her that I would need someone with experience.
ultimately she has said don’t worry and that I would be over due and she would be back in time. I told her to just book the tickets because it sounded as though she has already made up her mind. I am heartbroken that at my most vulnerable time she is going abroad,Am I being unreasonable?

edit: I understand the need for my mum to go see her grandmother in such a serious situation and support her mother but I feel as though her promises to me were broken yet again

OP posts:
Growlybear83 · 01/09/2025 00:21

I can’t believe how selfish you’re being. 😳

FluffySnugglyBlankets · 01/09/2025 00:20

Another option, only if you're comfortable with it, is to consider a home birth. You'd still need someone there to focus on your 3 year old, but my kids that age were always quite comfortable being there when their sibling arrived.

JudgeJ · 01/09/2025 00:20

CherrieTomaties · 01/09/2025 00:09

Edited! Typed too quickly-

Is there really any other family that can have your son when you’re giving birth? Anyone at all?

Edited

You have a few months to get your son used to staying with another family member or even a friend, a mini-sleepover.

InfoSecInTheCity · 01/09/2025 00:19

Her promises to you were not broken.

Her grandmother is dying imminently and she needs ti support her mother through that as well as herself. It is incredibly unfortunate that the timing coincides with your due date but that is not something she can control.

You have your DH who can take care of your sibling and child if your mum is not back in time, it isn’t what you hoped for, I understand that and that you are disappointed but she can’t change the situation, she just has to make the best decision she can in this moment.

FluffySnugglyBlankets · 01/09/2025 00:16

My mother did this before the birth of my first and it worked out just fine. It's likely it will for you too. From her pov, the baby will be there when she gets back but this is maybe the last chance to see her family member alive.

You have plenty of time to get your child comfortable with someone else. I'd focus on that. You don't need to change the plan if your mother is back on time either.

My DH was the one who stayed home and helped me after our babies were born. Can your DH take a couple of weeks off work to be home to help look after you post-birth?

RedToothBrush · 01/09/2025 00:15

Your grandmother is dying. Your mum might not see her again.

Frankly, one way or another you can suck it up.

DelphiniumBlue · 01/09/2025 00:14

Oh dear, of course you want your mum there. She needs to make that last visit to her gran, but why does it have to then? Can she not go sooner, and return sooner?
Also, if your sister is old enough to accompany you to the hospital, she must be at least in her teens. Get her used to looking after your DC now, so that she can help out if necessary when the time comes.

Overthebow · 01/09/2025 00:14

She’s going abroad to see her dying grandmother. Sorry but that has to take priority. You have your DH, your sister and midwives/doctors, and the chances are she’ll be back in time anyway.

Arlanymor · 01/09/2025 00:13

Her grandmother is dying, she can’t get that time back. I don’t think you do get it at all.

Dazzlemered · 01/09/2025 00:13

Yabvu and selfish.

nocoolnamesleft · 01/09/2025 00:12

It isn’t as though she’s having a carefree holiday. This is to say farewell to a loved one.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 01/09/2025 00:11

If her grandmother is on her deathbed, I’m afraid this takes precedence. What if your Mum never gets to see her again? Plus it seems as though you have asked her to help you out after the birth - so she won’t be able to go for a long time afterwards. Better that she goes before as she may not get the chance if she delays.

Ultimately it sounds like you’ve got a perfectly good plan B - you husband looking after your 3 yo and younger sister goes with you. You will have many people with experience with you - the midwife, drs and and nurses. You don’t need “experience” in your birth partner, you just need a friendly face and a bit of moral support - in truth you don’t absolutely have to have a birth partner.

Now I know we all want to have someone with us - and it’s surely good if you can (which you do!) - but it doesn’t take precedence over someone on their death bed. Especially as your Mum will very likely be back in time!

CherrieTomaties · 01/09/2025 00:09

Edited! Typed too quickly-

Is there really any other family that can have your son when you’re giving birth? Anyone at all?

mmsnet · 01/09/2025 00:08

YABVU

life doesnt revolve around you

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