Mum is flying abroad before my due date

Your 3 year old may not feel as safe with others, but they will be absolutely fine being left with another friend or your sister for the duration of your labour.

And her mum is still going to be back. How long should she be available for before the birth?

She doesn't need her mum to safely have a baby, she would like her mum as the easiest and cheapest babysitter option.

By that logic maybe OP should have considered that her great grandmother is elderly and planned her pregnancy accordingly!

Yes when elderly parents get older we should just make no effort to see them because that’s life right.

Jeez, what a nasty mindset.

You’re being absolutely awful to your mum and you should apologise. She probably already feels guilty!! What about women who have no family at all around to help. She’ll be back hopefully a week before. And if she isn’t, then be a grown ass woman and just deal with it!! Life sometimes doesn’t work out perfectly. Plan alternatives.

If your sister is old enough to come to the hospital with you then surely she is old enough to look after ds?

Have you ever had a baby? Ofc it matters fgs

I don’t think you are being selfish. Your mum made a commitment to you. It can’t be a surprise that her grandmother is unwell at her age,she should have made plans to visit her before instead of leaving to the last minute and letting you down, you’re having a baby not having your hair done

The three year old doesn't dictate what adults do at a time like this.

He's less than a year from school age. Get him used to other people.

Seriously? No one is this entitled.

Your younger sister will be fine watching your 3yo at your house so your husband can support you and be present for the birth. He can leave soon after to relieve your sister if you son is really not settling for her but imo kids are a lot more adaptable than we think they are (unless SEN/additional needs?). If you went overdue with your first and if there’s a history of overdue in your family then high chance you will go overdue with your second.

I agree. So she expects her mum to be off for 2 weeks before her due date and then another 2 weeks post birth. That's potentially 6 weeks.

Are you always this self centred?

She didn't break her promise. EVERY commitment comes with an implicit "unless I am hit by a bus or some other unfortunate life event happens that has to take precedent".

And even so, a commitment to be there for you when you have a baby typically means "I will plan around the expected arrival date of the baby. If it comes early, we'll have to play it by ear."

If your eldest is used only to you, your husband and your mum, that is firmly on you and something you had 9 months to rectify.

Your eldest having a babysitter he is not used to is NOT a big deal compared to her grandmother dying.

You giving birth with 'just' the medical staff is not that big a deal, if you haven't been bothered to set up a (paid) support system that is stronger than one person.

Your attitude sucks.

I completely understand how you feel - even if your mum is going away for a good reason, pregnancy is quite anxiety inducing. What was your first birth like and was your DS early or late? Is your priority that your DH is with you or that your DS is with a relative? Because you basically have two plan B options.

1. Start working up options now for your DS. Whether that’s your sister, a friend, another parent from his nursery/preschool if he goes to one, or a regular babysitter who could start by coming round to play with your DS with you in the house, then building up to you going out for a coffee. Does he go to any form of childcare at all? Nursery staff often babysit for extra cash.

2. The other option is to accept that if your baby comes early, your DH won’t be able to be there and you start looking for an alternative means of support, maybe a good friend - or potentially a doula, who could support you in labour and postnatally.

Unbelievably selfish.

You have until November to make other arrangements. And hopefully do some reflecting.

DH was in the military and it wasn’t clear whether he’d be back in time for the birth of our DS. My mum had died and I don’t have a sister. I asked a friend if she’d be able to be my birth partner if required. And when second child arrived, the neighbours were on standby to look after our 2yo. They were friends with a similar aged child.

You need to consider other options.

In the overall scheme of things it doesn't really matter if DH, DSis is with you at the second baby's head pops out. You have the midwives etc. Sometimes practicalities take over. As long as family members are there when you get home.

My mum died when I was young but I had a very similar situation with mil.

she knew the edd for dc2 but booked a holiday regardless. After every appointment she asked the dd, as if it would change, and then said Oh, I’m in Madeira that day!

anyway, dc amazingly arrived on my edd. Dc1 was looked after by BIL who kindly rushed home from work. He had never looked after them before, but it all worked out!! MIL still seems cross that the edd didn’t change and she didn’t get to meet dc2 until a few days later when she returned home!

I think that's down to the 3 year old preferring other childcare options? Tbh I'd be spending the next few weeks getting DC comfortable being cared for by his aunt who I also presume is old enough to take on emergency childcare during labour if needed. Problem solved and no need to lay the guilt on the poor DM.

This.

Get them used to another adult.

When is she actually going? Surely if granny is on her deathbed she might not last that long?

I’ve got to be honest if my dd was having a baby I’d go and spend a week or two with grandmother now so that I’m back in plenty of time for the birth, and my gran would absolutely want me to be there for my daughter.

I’m surprised so many posters are saying you’re unreasonable.

OP I am a single woman looking at giving birth at the end of November. I currently have no birth partner lined up. If someone on the long list said they needed to visit a dying loved one, this would be an entirely reasonable reason for them to not be there. Perhaps you have got a bit caught up in your needs and have lost perspective a bit?

Self-absorbed much?! This is genuinely shocking. Your poor mum

Extremely selfish. Promises can be broken when it comes to people dying. You’ve got time to get your child used to someone else caring for him.