My dad has kindly offered to contribute financially to our wedding. Mum died three years ago and I'm an only child, so me and Dad are close. We've accepted some of the money he has offered, that basically covers the venue and we pay for everything else. We’re deeply grateful. Our wedding is about 60 people, including around 15 family. Mainly parents, siblings and a few aunts and uncles. I have lots of cousins but won't be inviting them.
Since my mum passed away, I want to invite her siblings; they’re meaningful to me and feel like a connection to her. However, my dad doesn’t get along with them. I also don’t want to invite his side of the family (apart from his sister), as I don’t have a relationship with them and some treated my mum poorly. They also make back handed comments and my Dad never really has anything positive to say about them.
Dad now says that if my mum’s side is invited, he wants his side there too, to avoid family fallout. He’s offered to pay for extra guests so we don’t have to cut friends from the list. I’m torn. Do I accept this compromise for the sake of one day and my dad’s peace of mind? Do I decline the money and risk straining our relationship (also straining our finances)? Or do we elope, even though we genuinely want to celebrate with loved ones and friends?
The wedding is next year and we're at the point of putting deposits down on things as well. We're saving really hard, around £1k a month between us.
YABU - I can see where your Dad is coming from, invite the relatives.
YANBU - Stand your ground, don't invite them