I need to talk about this

@Lostandscared1 I have not read all the posts or yours for that matter. Speaking as a very experienced DVA professional, nobody can counsel you on here.

So i am going to try to shake you, emotionally speaking, in to doing something.

Do you think this will effect your children as your mental health diminishes

Do you realise you are bringing danger right to your front door

Do you realise that if your ex gets wind of this what might happen

do you realise what exactly you are going to lose, because i promise you, it will happen.

I don’t need to do the DASH risk assessment (shit that it is) to able to say to you if you do not go to the police this is going to end very badly for you and yours

you have one life, do not ruin it, your children have a right to a decent life, which is attached to your decisions don't ruin there’s either.

just for some lunatic man.

OP, I do hope you are getting support from the police or a specialist agency. You are right to be frightened, but there is help out there. Please dont do or say anything to this man until you have had professional advice.

This is terrifying
I know you don't want to involve the police but I'm afraid this man is so volatile he could seriously harm you or kill you.
Please enact Clares Law and I suspect you will find he has had multiple convictions etc/pattern of behaviour.
Thankfully he has not met your children but if you chose to remain in this 'relationship' he could be at risk of causing physical and emotional harm; as well as the risk of losing their mother.
You must at least invoke Clares Law, please.
(I never ever comment but I am so genuinely worried about your situation)
Moving forward please look at the Freedom programme which your therapist/CAB can give you more info on

Good luck, do not excuse this as a 'one off'.

I could have written your first post 10 years ago. I was with a man who was exactly the same. I got the Police involved and initially they weren't very helpful, but as the abuse (verbal, emotional and physical) went on, they started to take it more seriously. It went to Court and he pled not guilty. It went to Trial, and he changed his plea the morning of the Trial date. Never heard from him again. Thankfully the police have improved massively around DV and are far quicker to deal with it. Please please ring them - get them involved. And stay strong enough to attend Court. My liason officer said if I hadn't have attended Court on that morning, the Judge would have upheld his Not Guilty plea, and he would have been free to either carry on stalking and harassing me, or do it to someone else. Stay strong OP. The system regarding DV has moved on since then.

OP, you need to cut off all contact. Don’t answer any withheld numbers; don’t let him manipulate you; don’t go back. You know he won’t change. Call the police, get an injunction, and move on. He threatens suicide because it’s worked before - he’ll try whatever he can to wheedle you into going back. You have to be strong - seriously, OP, I’m worried on your behalf. You need to keep well away from this manipulative and unkind creep. You need to report everything that’s happened to the police, and phone women’s aid for help. You know that leaving him for ever is the only possible way forward.

You must have been terrified. I’m so sorry you’ve had to experience this.
As others have said, you must involve the police as I fear for you (and any future women he comes in contact with). Inform them of this incident and any others previous. Get help from DV organisations who will support you. Take steps to get an injunction.
Ignore all unknown numbers and if he turns up at your house, call the police. Get a personal panic alarm. Take every measure possible to protect yourself.

I do now, thank you. I hope OP can find someone to help her leave in real life. Its so hard to leave when you are in this situation .

It's over OP. It's over because you say it's over. End of. You have your own home and family, you are self sufficient. You are a mother & you are strong enough to make up your own mind.
Call the police & ask for help/advice on how to handle this. I'd suggest calling him to tell him never to contact you again or you'll file charges but the police may have other advice or contact him for you. You need to speak to them.
I wish you a happy, safe future without this bastard dragging you down. Good luck.

I think it’s amazing how many people are missing the point. Yes you are trapped because the most dangerous time for women is when they leave an abusive relationship. It doesn’t matter that you’re not living together, he sounds dangerous.

You HAVE to report it to the police and do a Claire’s law request. If he turns up at your house once you end it you want the police to know he is a real threat and respond accordingly.

Good luck. You can do this and you must

I'm so sorry you are going through this OP. I understand what you mean by trapped, as in his actions are not allowing you to disengage from the relationship in a way that feels safe to you.

You are absolutely right though OP, he has the capacity to really hurt you and your children or worse so contacting WA is definitely the best first step.

If it helps, I had to shift my perspective on what I was dealing with, and see that he was no longer a man or a person he was an animal hunting prey.

In the meantime, protect yourself and your kids in anyway you can, reinforce your home, get cameras, get a dog if you can, install flood lights on all sides of the home so if he comes at night it lights up like a bloody Christmas tree, the reality (in Australia) is that police can't do anything until he assaults you, you charge him, and then he breaks the domestic violence order and even then he will likely get warnings the first two times which gives him multiple chances to hurt you again before he's actually locked up.

Sending you strength OP, remember that you are a mother lion and this MoFo is a threat to your children, let that primal part of you take over and listen to it at all times. You cannot be too careful until he's out of your life 💜

Maybe he knows where she lives...?

Please call the police, if he threatens to hurt himself, he needs to be sectioned.

If you have not already, please inform the police.

Please stay away from him and report every thing he ever does to you at the time. If you end up in hus presence and he threatens suicide with a again, call the police and an ambulance.

All this evidence may assist with a restraining order if it ever becomes necessary.

Don't cave, never answer the phone or door to him ever again

You have to leave him. If he threatens suicide again then call an ambulance. He is exceptionally controlling.

So sorry to hear this. Hope you have a good life now. Some people really should come with a health warning...

If you haven't blocked him yet, please don't. Wait until you've managed to report to the police and then consider it again depending on their response. Blocking can substantially increase risk in this situation and interrupts evidence collection.

After the incident with the knife, think about reporting to the police and specifically requesting a DVPN. That will (theoretically) prevent him from making contact. If he breaches it is an arrestable offence in its own right.

If I was your caseworker I'm almost certain I'd be grading this as high risk and referring straight to MARAC. I don't think you should be going this alone.

(from an IDVA)

When I had this situation, it was shame, guilt and confusion and full in gaslighting and personality switching. The shame of everyone thinking how could I be so stupid to get into this situation, guilt as in they tell you its your fault, you're evil, you're a bitch, then the love, you are the only one, crying if you leave, screaming if you walk out, sobbing that you are the only one that understands them, threatening to kill themselves and saying its your fault if they do. You cant tell anyone becuase you feel so stupid and you cant even find the words to say it out loud without having a breakdown. Then suddenly, they are normal, lovely, telling you you are a princess, the light of their lives. You see a glimmer of the person you fell for, they ask for your help, they will get better, you believe them, you help them, they ask you to help save them, you try, and they turn again. And you are in shock, in constant anxiety, you cant tell anyone, you are stuck. I literally left my job and the country to escape a man like this and it still affects me 20 years on.

You're not trapped at all OP.

You need to change your number and report this poor excuse of a human being with his threats. He's not your problem to solve OK.

It sounds incredibly scary.
You absolutely are not trapped. You have your own home, and there is no way you can have your children anywhere near this man.
All you need to do is end things. Simply say that this relationship isn’t working out for you and you don’t want to continue.
If he starts any form of harassment you need to call the police and have them tell him not to come near you.
if you can’t do it for yourself do it for
your children.
This is not your fault and deep down
you know this. Don’t let him blindsight you into believing that it is.

I haven’t read all replies, only your own responses. You can absolutely leave this man, you have 100% got this, his mental health is not your responsibility.

Contact the police and tell them what has happened and get an order to keep him away from you, and your family.

Again apologies if someone has already said this but, if you continue with a relationship with this man, there is a chance you could lose your children. Your ex husband may find out about this and say the children have not to live with you, and social services may get involved.

Spot on

I think you need to tell all this to the police. What is your living situation?? Can you move so he can’t find you?

I don’t mean to panic you but this is very serious. He could be dangerous to you and your children.

Go to the police today, thats called stalking. Get your children and go to protected housing if need be.

Its hard to make this first step but you won't regret it. You won't be blamed or labelled