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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To deny family day out

31 replies

Nearlydone25 · 31/08/2025 18:35

DP works full time Mon-Fri, I run my own business with staff, often working weekends. I asked my DP at the beginning of the year if we could book in some dates for him to take leave during the school holidays, so that we could have family days out (a mix of weekends off for me and weekdays off for him). He was very clear he wasn’t going to do that. So every school holidays I manage to juggle 2 DC (7 and 18 months) and full time work, using child minder, grandparents, play dates and any free time I can magic.

Cut to the end of the summer holidays, DP’s friend’s wedding some distance away. DP takes off Friday and Monday to allow for helping, hangover etc. Absolutely fine by me (I was invited but children weren’t, so I stayed at home). I’m working Monday (regular cover for staff day off), youngest at child minder, eldest I had to ask a friend to have him. All sorted. Except DP suggested on Thursday evening that he might come home Sunday instead and it would be nice for us all to have a day out together to a particular place on Monday. I say no, plans have been made. He says I can change the plans. I don’t agree to anything, he asks DC7, DC7 wants to stick with original plans.

DP is now home from the wedding (Sunday pm). I ask him what he’s doing tomorrow (ie having a day off anyway, or going to work and saving a day’s holiday). He says it depends on Bob. Bob is my staff member who’s day off I cover on a Monday and is DP’s friend. DP has messaged him to see if he’ll work instead of me tomorrow. I reiterate that it hadn’t been agreed, plans had already been made and it’s Bob’s day off, he can’t ask him that. DP strops and says he’ll have a day out in his own then, as usual!

I agree it would be nice for us all to have a day out together, but not at this short notice and inconveniencing others. AIBU to say no?

OP posts:
itsgettingweird · 31/08/2025 18:51

The worst bit for me (of a crap situation) is him thinking he can ask your staff to work on your behalf.

Nearlydone25 · 31/08/2025 18:50

@Thepeopleversuswork DP does know Bob well, but I do feel undermined and I don’t want to cause any bother for Bob. Bob shouldn’t be thinking about whether he should say yes or not.

OP posts:
Nearlydone25 · 31/08/2025 18:49

@JLou08 I would enjoy a day out together, but the place he’s suggesting wouldn’t be my first choice. DC7 wants to stick with original plans, and is excited to go to classmate’s house. Having asked them to have DC7, I don’t want to cancel last minute.

@Namechanged4obviousreasons yes they are both his children. I didn’t expect it to be like this.

OP posts:
Namechanged4obviousreasons · 31/08/2025 18:43

So it seems he won’t use his leave to mind his children alone but doesn’t mind spending time with them if you’re there too so you can look after them. Are they both his children? Why on earth pick this man to be their father. He sounds utterly useless and a pretty crap dad.

JLou08 · 31/08/2025 18:41

He has taken the p having you arrange all school holiday childcare. I don't think it's unreasonable for you to not change your plans if you don't want to. However, if you are just doing this because you're annoyed with him but you would actually enjoy a day out together, I'd say go along with his plan so long as Bob is okay with it and hasn't cancelled his own plans and felt pressured into working.

Thepeopleversuswork · 31/08/2025 18:39

YANBU and he should have engaged with this when you raised the subject. Bad organisation on his part. And I'd be pissed off with him messaging someone who worked for me: unless he knows "Bob" really well it looks really unprofessional and is undermining you.