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Original poster

My mum just doesn't contact me unless I contact her. Anyone else?

32 replies

LivelyWasp · 31/08/2025 17:29

Hi, youngest of eight children. Late 20s. My mum and dad live five mins away. I've always gone above and beyond for them. Drove them everywhere. They've never drove. My mum is definitely a cold, old school mum.

Definitely shouldn't have had 8 of us. And absolutely should never have had me. She's made that clear throughout my life. But she does have good points etc. But I've noticed, she literally will not get in touch with me at all. Unless I call or text her. So I've left it to see how long and it's been eight days of zero contact.

I know people might say, well you reach out to her. And I normally do. But I feel really disheartened that it's simply not reciprocated. Especially considering I'm the o who would do anything for her. The rest of my siblings couldn't give a shit.

Anyone else's mum like this? In fact my dad is equally to blame too tbh. I'm not just holding my mum accountable when he's there too and he doesn't bother.

OP posts:
FVFrog · 31/08/2025 17:39

Same here! My mother has not phoned me once since I left home to go to uni at 18. I am now 56….
This and other issues came to a head recently and she finally admitted she finds it difficult to phone people and doesn’t like doing it (she will happily answer when I phone though)
She is definitely neurodiverse and at the age of 80 has gone through life undiagnosed. There are many other issues but I have made peace with it. I have no idea how I will feel when she dies. I have three young adult children, I call them at least once a week.
All you can do is tell them how you feel about it.

Original poster
LivelyWasp · 31/08/2025 17:38

Bluesey · 31/08/2025 17:31

If she's made it clear she should never have had you OP then why on earth are you the one that would do anything for her? Maybe it's time to take a big step back.

There's obviously more to my relationship than just the small part I've put on here. She does have good points, as I said. We've had ups and downs throughout my life. But I chose to continue the relationship because we are close but, also she is really a cold kind of mum. So it's been a struggle. But the not contacting me unless I contact her, is a bitter pill to swallow. Especially being a mum to two myself. I couldn't be cold like that.

OP posts:
MigGril · 31/08/2025 17:37

8 days is that all? If DH doesn't contact his parents it's often months before we here from them. Yet my family it's normally once a week phone calls. Or I text my sister as we both have kids and often don't have time to call.

TBH though it has always felt like MIL shouldn't have had kids, she's never been interested in the grandchildren either.

ChilliChoco · 31/08/2025 17:36

So sorry to hear this op. You are being very kind to your parents loking out for them. There will be lots of people telling you to go NC with them as they don't do anything for you. But it's kind to keep a balance of checking in on them. They aren't likely to change so you need to realise that it maybe a one way street.

RattyNeighbours · 31/08/2025 17:33

My mum is the same! She’s been like it with people her entire life so it’s not just with me. She never contacts any of her family even the sister that lives a few doors down from her.

TomatoSandwiches · 31/08/2025 17:33

I suppose it's all relative, I go weeks or even months without phoning my mum, and we just pick up where we left off, no amniosity at all.

Why do you want contact with her so frequently if she's treated you coldly?

Perhaps you should take a step back completely.

Bluesey · 31/08/2025 17:31

If she's made it clear she should never have had you OP then why on earth are you the one that would do anything for her? Maybe it's time to take a big step back.

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