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Original poster

Marriage/motherhood warning list

304 replies

Someoneshouldatoldme · 31/08/2025 17:27

Based on many many threads here and my own lived experience, shouldn't we warn all daughters and women pre-marriage or motherhood so that they really know what they'regetting into? I'll list a few, feel free to add:

  1. Don't have a child with ANYONE at all unless you know you can manage as a single parent
  1. If your husband tells you they want a child and will look after them as well as you, assume they mean occasional fun times and some cooking. (If you're proven wrong, you'll be delighted)
  1. Your husband might become your biggest problem once you are pregnant or with a child. Even the 'nicest' guys can (and many will) turn emotionally or physically abusive at this time. You might end up seriously hurt. Many will cheat.
  1. Never assume his money is family money. He might pretend for years that it is, only for you to find out that it isnt.

Any others?

OP posts:
ShesTheAlbatross · 31/08/2025 18:09

I’m not sure I agree. For your second one (assuming your partner will do limited “fun” parenting and a bit of cooking), I simply wouldn’t have children if my assumption was that I’d do the majority of the parenting and the housework. And I would never advise my DDs to do that either. I am not going to advise them be delighted if their partner does slightly more than the bare minimum.

My advice would simply be, always try to ensure you could manage on your own if you have to, for whatever reason.

SomewhereInMyHeart · 31/08/2025 18:09

When settling down with a man remember his parents will be your future child’s grandparents before committing 😬

RetiredMan · 31/08/2025 18:03

I suppose the advice I would give to men also applies to women. Never put yourself in the position that means you can't leave the relationship immediately if you want to. (If you are likely to be much better off then the other person, that means you definitely do not marry them.)

Ironically, the knowledge that you can and will leave the relationship immediately if dissatisfied makes it less likely that the other person will behave badly.

SomethingFun · 31/08/2025 17:36

Do not give up work to be a Sahm unless you are independently wealthy or married. Even if you are those things it is such a risky move and so many things have to go right for it to work out. It is much easier to abuse and control a woman with dependants and few options to afford life on her own.

Too many women on here split with a partner and they have no job, no money, no claim to a house because they’re not on the mortgage. Being a working mum is hard, being a mum with not a penny to your name and no roof over your head is far harder.