To not go to funerals

After my nanas sudden death in my teens I have never ever attended a funeral. I don't think my mental health could go through that again, too much of a trigger. Close family members have died and I just joined them at the wake later in the day. No one judges me. They know I will not attend.

It’s a personal choice and I wouldn’t judge, but many would.
DGM had an amazing send off, the celebrant was excellent, and did make me feel that I was able to say goodbye. However, I have been to some awful funerals where the vicars have droned on about themselves, rather than the deceased, which left me upset and angry and wishing I hadn’t gone tbh.

DH didn’t want a funeral, he had direct cremation -although myself and DC were able to attend the crematorium, meet the hearse and see him in. This left some people angry there wasn’t a funeral so, I guess no matter what you choose to do, some people will always chose to be offended. I have told DC I would like the same kind of funeral.

I wouldn't judge you. Your choice. I feel similar about them too.

Some will some won't. My dad had a direct cremation which a lot of people have now. We had a family get together for a meal to celebrate and share our memories. Sorry to say this but I really couldn't cope with a dead loved one in a box in front of me. If I didn't want to go I wouldn't.

By attending a funeral,you're showing support for the bereaved. I've had MANY to attend over the past 2 years- two cousins who both pre- deceased both parents, my dad and my auntie, and it's always noted who has not attended because it's hurt the grieving family. A trad funeral would not be my own choice, however.

I am irish so attending funerals is par for the course for me, however I only go if I know the deceased person, or if I am close to a relative of theirs, while a lot of people I know go to them all however vague their connection is. Honestly I would probably think it a bit odd if it was someone very close to you, however I wouldn't judge, it is absolutely a personal choice.

I'd find it quite odd if you just didn't turn up to any family or mutual friends' funerals. I can understand not always making a big effort to get to a funeral if it's far away and it's not someone that close but I'd be quote thrown by someone unilaterally stating they just don't do funerals

It is entirely your choice - several of my friends did not attend my husband's funeral, and I didn't judge them for it.
However, I was very touched by the amount of people who did come - his funeral was actually wonderful and a real celebration of his life. I am so grateful to the people who took the time to talk to me and tell me about their friendship with him.

I wouldn’t judge you . Absolutely your choice and your decision.

I think there would be a fairly large amount of people who believe ‘ it’s disrespectful to not go ‘

ignore them.

you do you - send a card to the relatives or flowers or make a donation to their charity or go for a walk and remember them how you want to.

it’s entirely your business how you remember them and if funerals are not for you - that is fine.

They’re for those left behind so I suppose it depends on how you’d feel about their reactions.

You can indicate what you want in the way of funeral arrangements, but by definition you won't have the final say. Funerals are mostly for those left behind. I find them helpful. My family is far-flung and we don't get together much except for funerals and weddings.

When my Dad died recently, he was cremated without us attending any service and we then interred his ashes into our village churchyard. It was a lovely afternoon, sunny with a warm breeze, and just immediate family with the Vicar and undertaker. I've told DH and our DC that I want to have the same for myself and my Mum has said the same.

I hate funerals. They are for other people IMO and not the deceased.