Two year old flagged for SEN

Being loud (not able to modulate volume) and simultaneously noise sensitive is a classic symptom of ND (I’m a SENDCo). Very often, autistic children are at the ‘extreme’ end of sensory things, so either over- or under-sensitive, there’s no ‘in the middle’ as you might expect with an NT child.

Play is an interesting one, because most play at 2 years old is playing alongside other children. You wouldn’t expect to see playing ‘with’ others.

Language can also be very telling. Autistic children might be ‘gestalt’ language processors, meaning that they suddenly put sentences together very quickly, because they are copying adult speech patterns.

Sorry I meant to say it was obvious early as well (speech issues), starting school with an ehcp was very helpful

My DS has ADHD (and ASD) and getting him diagnosed and medicated was a game changer, obvs you cant medicated at 2 but if you have a diagnosis then you can be waiting for him to be old enough for meds.

He's overall very pleasant and fine now but he took longer to mature from preschool immaturity to primary maturity

SALT is about far more than the physical ability to speak.

Most support in nursery, schools, etc. is based on needs rather than diagnosis. The exceptions are things like some autism specialist schools, some autism units in mainstream schools, the specialist autism teaching service in some LAs. So, while you can go private for a diagnosis, a diagnosis alone won’t change support in nursery.

A lot of conditions overlap.
e.g. Clumsy might indicate dyspraxia which can also have sensory sensitivity etc.
Much better to flag up early nd be 'in the system' than for things to fly under the radar.

In the meantime you can read up on strategies to help. eg Do parties 'work' for him? Or only for a short time? Maybe aim to arrive late / leave early / go for a walk outside part way through. Parents will be more understanding if they see you trying to manage things.

It is much, much, better to get early intervention.

if you get help at this stage it can really shape their trajectory in a positive way.

it’s far worse to have it not spotted early and then really struggle to access the help your child needs.

It’s a good thing. My DSS nursery was the opposite and even though he wasn’t talking at all at 3 and was very clearly showing lots of other signs of autism they were ticking boxes and saying he was fine. This meant it was very hard for DP to convince his mother that they needed to look into SEND and support for him (I.e. a SLT). I much prefer nurseries being honest.

Yes it is, and it's far better to get help early than wait until school age when the process of getting support is much harder

If it is ADHD, the treatments are excellent (he won’t be eligible for meds yet, I believe). DS1 takes Medikinet XL and is in the top handful of students in his year at his comp. He changed overnight once he started taking them - from falling off his chair and ripping up his work to really excelling.

If you believe you have ADHD, the chances are your DS has it and early detection/support will result in a better outcome.

Early intervention is a positive. It's better for practitioners to be involved now, as many people will tell you it takes a long time for a diagnosis to be given and if you ignore any issues now and then want support later on in primary school the waiting list will have become longer.

Regarding your concerns:

1. Talk to the nursery about what they are concerned about and what they would suggest to support your child. What are they doing in nursery? Could any of this be replicated at home for routine? Some nurseries now have a Sen leader so maybe see if your nursery does, else ask their key worker or manager.
2. It's normal to feel worried. Also it wouldn't be unusual for you to have ADHD if your child does. Are you worried about not having sought diagnosis yourself? You could speak to a GP about this. I think once you are aware that maybe his behaviour isn't just that of a lively toddler then you can put in place firm boundaries and routine. A lot of sen children thrive on this, and again the nursery could help with suggestions as well as you learning yourself what works.
3. I think all parents of multiple children feel guilty of ignoring one child at certain times or favouring one child over the other.
4. Again stick to firm boundaries, same as any other child. If your child is involved in pushing and shoving, then you need to intervene like any other parent. I think if you start using possible sen as an excuse, that's when parents start switching off and stopping playdates. If they see that you are reminding them of their behaviour then I don't think the playdates or invitations will stop.

DD1 started preschool at 2.6 and was flagged within 6 weeks (I think she was actually flagged on day 1, but there was a summer break in between). The area INCO observed her and authorised immediate 1:1 support at all times. She thought she was just 'delayed' so dragged her feet about referring on, but something else made us visit the GP and they sent us straight up to the hospital.

For DD1 it was actually a brain malformation, epilepsy (don't worry - she had obvious symptoms), and global developmental delay. 12 years later they added ASD (often if there's a learning disability you have to wait to see if ASD traits are actually just delayed communication, etc.), and now at 19 they're trying to assess for ADHD because the ASD and LD alone don't account for all of her difficulties.

It's a long game. If I hadn't pushed for a Statement of SEN (now EHCP) when she was 3, she wouldn't have got her special school place.

By contrast, I was ignored by preschool when I flagged DD2 (they thought her behaviour was 'learned' from DD1) and she wasn't diagnosed with ASD until 11, after 2 failed school settings.

YABU OP. This is not a slight against you and/or your DS, early intervention is key and should only be seen as a positive thing. My nephew was flagged up in reception, he had a team of assessors, they said he does not meet any thresholds for a diagnosis but he will still be reviewed by SALT, OT etc.

This 100%.

@Mistymeg It is scary to think your child might have SEN but it doesn't mean he isn't going to go to have friends, succeed in school and life etc. This is just an early opportunity to help him learn to understand himself, learn techniques to manage any challenges.

It's generally quite clear to me straight away when a very young child has additional needs so please listen to your Nursery. Why are you upset about the (likely) long wait for assessment? Do you mean that you might be stressed for a long time for potentially no reason? I know it's easy for me to say, but try not to worry too much. It's better that you work out ways to support him from now so that your son can also work out what he can do to help himself. Just be honest and tell the Nursery how you are feeling but that you are ready to be pinpointed to any suggestions that might help in the mean time :)

Be pleased they picked it up. My DS was put on the SEN register just before 2 by the health visitor and referred to the child development centre. Nursery were pretty shit and just kept brushing off my concerns.
The waiting lists are long but because of it being picked up by the health visitor early he has been assessed, diagnosed and supported before starting school. Many don't get that.

My DD is very easy to have around. Compliant with requests but struggled physically and with some developmental delay. She’s social and quite regulated. She’s been diagnosed with a rare genetic condition though, and we don’t know what that means long term but we do know she needs support and isn’t able to learn in the same way other children her age do. She is almost certainly going to go to mainstream school.

SEN is an umbrella term. People assume autistic/ADHD generally but there are so many other needs and conditions encompassed into it so it’s not to say your son is going to be a handful at home etc.

I only wish nursery had picked up on my son so we could have got in the system earlier. He was my first born and I too thought his behaviour was’ normal’. He didn’t end up getting his diagnoses until he was 10 and even then I had to go private. Be thankful they’ve noticed something and it could be helped early. Early intervention is always best.

Yeah, they picked up on my son about this age. It was better for him in the end though as we didn’t have to wait too long for a diagnosis. We had various people involved like Health Visitors and Speech and Language and he got his autism diagnosis when he was 4. I was upset at the start of it, but by the time we got the diagnosis I was relieved.

Prob worth me saying, he’s 6 now and absolutely thriving. He loves school and has made some friends.

When you are further down the line you’ll realise how lucky you are that your DS is already getting support - it can take years for parents to even be listened too when they have concerns.

I was OUTRAGED when nursery dared suggest SEND. They were wrong. Had to be. My child was perfect.

7 years later, I’m so glad they helped us to get that crucial early diagnosis that has helped DS immensely.