Two year old flagged for SEN

Honestly the earlier they pick it up the better. My son was flagged by myself and nursery at two which started whole ball rolling for diagnosis and observations. He is four now and has been officially diagnosed with global delay, autism and speech delay. He now has an EHCP and additional funding to help him at school.

I found that the first time professionals mentioned this utterly heartbreaking. It takes time to digest the information, understand what this means for your child, your family, the uncertainty. It’s awful. Then when you accept the fight you go through to get support from the council, endless wait lists. By the time you get to diagnosis it is actually a relief! No longer can people say it’s in your head.

its not easy but the sooner you know the sooner you can get support. Also if there is nothing to suggest there is an issue you will quickly find out. They won’t come and assess if they don’t think there is an issue.

finally without getting too political resources and funding are under attack by the current government. It might get increasingly more difficult to get support after October, so you need to factor that in when you make decisions.

It’s quite possible he’s high functioning autistic but they’re still right to flag it. It’s up to you whether to get a diagnosis, but at this point I’d ask his nursery what support and/or strategies they are recommending.

ASD isn’t on a sliding scale from mild to severe if that is what you mean. The spectrum isn’t a linear scale like that.

SALT isn’t just about the physical ability to speak or even just about 2 way conversations. Those suspected of having ASD would benefit from SALT (although many NHS offers are quite limited in the scope of support they offer).

This is great OP! The earlier it's picked up the better as everything moves sooo slowly. It sounds like neurodiversity is in your family and that can include ADHD, ASD, dyslexia, dyspraxia, dyscalculia - he might well have a combination.

DS has ASD and dyspraxia, always had good speech, met all milestones, a little clumsy but early crawler. The dyspraxia became more obvious as he got older when using a knife and fork/riding a bike/tying shoelaces/hand writing (although he can do all of them even if it looks a bit awkward). I would say that it might be worth getting his hearing checked - glue ear is common in those with ASD and may be making him louder.

With how to treat him when he doesn't have a diagnosis, don't worry about it, you can parent him as if he has ASD/ADHD/dyspraxia without knowing if he does or not and it won't have a negative affect if he doesn't. Basically, very calm, very clear, very patient and very consistent.

So lots of warning before any transition if he struggles with transitions, 10 minute, 5 minute and 2 minute for example, ND kids often need time mentally to feel like they've finished one thing before they are ready to move on to the next.

Make everything into a fun game - who can get their shoes on first, can you get your shoes on before I count to 10, can you do a magic trick and get your shoes on while I get my coat on - that sort of thing. Make it sound really fun, amazed face and lots of praise at how magic he is or whatever if he does it.

Routine - try to have a clear structure to what happens through the day, especially at weekends, make sure you build in time to burn off energy if he needs that and also time to decompress.

Avoid places for now if he can't cope with them because he becomes quickly overwhelmed - soft play, birthday parties, group meet ups, public swimming pool - or just stay for a short time and leave before he starts becoming dysregulated. You will find you need to be aware of what he is doing and watch him more carefully than other parents so he doesn't get to the point where he is overwhelmed and starts lashing out.

Low demand, him constantly saying 'no' could be PDA or it could just be the terrible twos! Try not to be constantly asking him to do things, stick to only asking if something really needs doing. Do lots of things 'together' to take the pressure off and make them fun if you can.

DS is now doing a degree and working as a software engineer, very happy! Good luck OP, you got this!

Be thankful as others have said!

My ds showed similar signs at 3yo. But it was brushed off with a mixture of "summer boy" and "glue ear"- which he did have badly.
He was finally diagnosed at 12/13yo, when I pushed. I so wish I'd pushed in the early years when I was having doubts, but wasn't confident enough. It would have been very helpful for lots of reasons.

Like you one of the things was he did have excellent speech. He was full sentences by 20 months, and would have long conversations - mostly about things he was interested in. I was reading back over his ASD report yesterday and remembering some things. "She did it by purpose" used to be something he said, normally about one of his sisters, if he was indignant.

But he is definitely autistic, and knowing that has been a comfort to him, rather than just wondering why he can't manage to keep up at times with his peers.

He's been through mainstream school, without an EHCP, but has had adjustments made - eg he used a laptop at secondary and in exams. He's just finished A-levels and is off to uni next term.
He's made good friends, tend to be on the quirky side, rather ironically better than his sisters at school really. They've been meeting up, mostly on-line but also in person over the summer. He's got a good group of friends from a hobby too.

So embrace the potential help you have on offer here and remember: he's still your gorgeous little boy.
What a diagnosis does (as I told ds when he said "now I'm allowed to be anti-social") is give a reason why some things are harder and you need to look how to do things differently.

OP you’ve had some good advice here and I won’t repeat it but I just wanted to add a couple of things. I have an autistic child and have worked with autistic children and trained others to for the best part of this century.

Firstly, the fact that nursery have picked up on something is great. I know it’s hard to take but so many teachers/adults working with children are clueless about autism and learning difficulties and disabilities. Try to work with the nursery.

Speech can be excellent in autistic children but it can be situational and changes often. My son has an excellent vocabulary but he struggles with speech in terms of knowing when it’s appropriate to speak and following social norms like not responding to rhetorical questions. If my son is anxious he becomes much harder to understand.

Socially, my son doesn’t look like he struggles. He’s never struggled to make or keep friends. But we realised early on that he has a social battery and in larger groups he gets overwhelmed and goes into himself. We’ve spent a long time fostering one on one friendships which has then given him the confidence when he is in larger groups.

Lastly, look up the autism spectrum wheel. Research has shown that the reality for most autistic people is that they have a range of difficulties and support needs in different areas. They often change according to the situation or people around them.

Also remember it’s ok to meet your own needs to. Loop noise defenders might be a good shout. Wishing you all the very best OP. Your feelings are natural and valid. Be kind to yourself.

you said speech is absolutely fine. At 2, this is a very wide range. How much does he say and what does he understand? Is is just 2 or closer to 3?

both of mine have SN. Good that you have an observant nursery. I had to fight all along the way so them flagging up things is a good thing.

4 is definitely not the minimum age for diagnosis.

This is an American website but it is correct in that while some children are diagnosed very young, age 2 is often a point where children are referred.

https://www.cdc.gov/autism/diagnosis/index.html

OP,
You asked about private diagnosis. I don't think it's worth it tbh. Just assume that he is for the purposes of looking at a different set of parenting books.

Really recommend How to Talk So Small Kids Listen - not specifically an autism book but it's a great book for everyone, and several of the authors have autistic kids. Beware absolute awful grifting shit on Facebook. So many people selling terrible 'advice'.

Also worth a look at your local authority's Local Offer page. You'll find a local support group there which will be a good place to get the low down on local primaries.

Yes this is very normal. Our eldest didn’t start nursery until 3 and they noticed right away that she couldn’t navigate between two pieces of furniture without bumping into something, she couldn’t sit still during circle time. I didn’t notice anything at home apart from she didn’t sleep. She didn’t get diagnosed (dual diagnosis) until 5 and by that point her behaviour was so bad I was drinking a bottle of wine a night. I wish I’d pushed for earlier diagnosis but I put my head in the sand.

I know you mention speech but speech often has little to do with autism. My daughters speech has always been excellent.

I didn’t mean a special school and even some very complex disabilities can take a year or more to battle for one. I just mean a quieter school, perhaps one form intake, with a supportive SENCO, a reputation for being proactive about making any adjustments to help your child.

Have a look online and you can see the number of children on a SEN register for a school. Don’t be put off by some with higher numbers as it usually means a supportive school that parents seek out for their child. Go and view it, ask nursery to provide a short summary of their concerns to take with you, and chat to the staff. I have three children with autism and two are flourishing in supportive mainstream schools (admittedly one has an EHCP) and only one of them has needed a specialist school, but that was further down the line than Reception.

The fact the nursery have flagged issues up is something you should be very grateful for. If there are issues, then the earlier it's detected, the quicker you can receive support, especially for school. It's far better to have support in place ready for school, than waiting until your child is at school or because the nursery didn't pick up issues. It's then a hard, slow process. It doesn't mean your child won't and can't thrive, SEN is a very wide spectrum, with huge variations between children. Work with the nursery, and remember that the staff are trained to flag up concerns. They don't flag up issues for the sake of it!

It’s certainly a thing as my child when he was two was also flagged and I, like you, was really surprised. In our case we ended up seeing SALT and a paediatrician who decided he was fine. He’s now a teenager and whilst I think he’s probably subtly on the spectrum, it doesn’t impact him.

just go with it and let them do what they need to do.

For some, their sensory issues improve. For some, they learn strategies to manage and cope with sensory issues. For others, their sensory issues change, Others always struggle to one extent or another.

Mouthing things and throwing things can also be signs of sensory needs in some. As can appearing rough with their interactions. You might find some of the ideas in this booklet useful. Also looking at some of the ideas by the occuplaytional therapist.

My son's nursery asked to speak to me and told me they suspect sen. I was dismissive about it, but agreed to them applying for an echp. He is now 8, and on the waiting list for asd assessment. The echp has helped him to cope better with school, so i am glad they did pick up on it.

It’s understandable to feel upset but if nursery have gone out of their way to comment and bring in support, they must be genuinely concerned.

You say you think you have ADHD and neurodivergence is often genetic.

Given your son’s age, I would be going out of my way to look for the most appropriate primary school for him and take into account that it might be the most inconvenient school for you. Don’t just go with the local school or planned private school because they may not meet his needs and he will find things more difficult.

It's right that they've flagged him up early as it does take a long time to get a diagnosis and to get the support in place. Him not being flagged up wouldn't make him any less autistic/adhd, it would just make things harder for him.

DS1 is still LOUD but he’s 12, so it’s not screaming and defiance. Your DS is 2 and toddlers do tend to scream, this turns into whining at around 4 years. I know this sounds a bit mad, but you could try Loop earplugs for you, and noise cancelling headphones for DS when he’s out and about? Both of mine have used these at various points.

Did they have your child assessed ::before:: they asked you for your consent to do so?