Giving up gossip

If people gossip I avoid them like the plague. I hate bitchy gossips because they can do so much damage to people.

I’ve recently started working with a gossip. I’m not from the local area so have no idea who she is on about most of the time but it’s been a worthy reminder and I will absolutely take care what I say around her.

Please don’t use the neurodivergent card to excuse crappy behaviour 🙄

we all gossip. I don’t think we’ve ever met someone who doesn’t gossip in one way or another.

It’s not nice, I think it’s good you’re looking to try and actively improve on this. I used to be terrible at gossiping about situations I know 1% about. However I’ve really learnt to tone this down, but this is not to say I NEVER EVER EVER gossip, because unfortunately I do!

I’m trying not to gossip also. It’s very tough in work because it’s a very bitchy office, I find it so tough not to get sucked in. I try to be so busy I don’t hear them. I know for a fact they gossip about me too, one person in particular repeats everything back to our manager

in my younger years I was a terrible gossip, but I try to remind myself it’s not my business to share and i hope I’ve improved over the years

Gossiping negatively makes me feel dirty but catching up on news is totally different.

I have however caught myself moaning negatively about people but each time realised it’s more about me feeling rubbish and overwhelmed at work.

im one of a close group of friends and we share lots but it’s kind, caring and wanting the best for each other. Constructive and helpful outcomes.

You could adopt my personal rule - 'don't say anything about someone that you wouldn't say to their face'.

Negative gossip I never get involved with, whose having an affair, whose been a bitch to someone, whose child is a nightmare for example.

I often hear nice things about people, someone receiving a great promotion, someone buying a new car, someone graduating etc. I never get involved in discussing people though, the most I say is “oh how lovely”. If people want to tell me their news they will.

I never understand why people gossip or spread rumours.

At least you're honest.

I'd prefer that any day to people who sit and listen to/take part in gossip, and then pretend they're any better than the people they're moaning about.

I also take pleasure from gossiping. And sometimes I find it cathartic to criticise other people. But I think it doesn't bring anything good to me and I really, really look down on people who do it. So I avoid it. And if someone comes to me with juicy gossip, I listen, try not to say anything judgy or bitchy and don't spread the gossip.
If people ask you about your opinion, you can say something non committal like "It's complicated" or "they probably have their reasons".

Is that gossip tho? Just sounds like rubbish boring chat about people. I feel like gossip is really interesting stuff usually comprising shagging, criminal offences, etc

None of it is shared with people who know them. I’m not ruining lives.

I live in a big city so I can say to friend A: oh my friend B’s cousin shagged this fella etc etc.

they’ll never meet or know each other. I don’t even say their names.

that’s my point - I love sharing gossip when it’s removed from the people it affects but just great stories.

But how do you know if these 'juicy stories' are true or not? They may 'just' be friends of friends but they are real people and you could be wrecking their lives by passing on idle gossip.

My mother has always been a gossip and it really has put me off spending time with her.
I grew up thinking that everyone was talking about me when I wasn’t there, because of how my mum carried on. That it was normal for your friends and family to discuss your personal life with eachother.
I’d get upset as a child hearing negative things said about people we knew and I was fond of, and I’d often ask her why or to please stop it.

I think her and her sister and mum (my grandmother) are so happy chatting away and gossiping that they don’t even notice they’re doing it. They enjoy it. They seem to be so accustomed to it. They don’t seem to know that it’s horrible.

The best thing to do is to change the subject or simply say you’d prefer not to gossip. If all else fails you might have to reduce certain friendships.

I absolutely love gossiping. It’s one of my favourite hobbies. I have to hold back from putting it on my CV.

id never gossip about my real friends. Even tho there’s some absolute belters. My lips are sealed.

I also don’t tell random people anything I’d not want them to share.

but if I hear juicy stories about a random person or friend of a friend? Yes I’m telling everyone.

I have diagnosed ADHD and actively refuse to gossip, be in a room where people are gossiping etc. I am all about justice and the injustice of someone slandering another person to me makes me walk not talk.

That makes sense. I think it is good to only talk about someone if you would be happy for them to hear what you are saying. Discussing positive things is not a bad thing and I would not class as gossip.

“Toxic positivity”…wow.
You are the problem not her.

No because it is their hobby.
I find it telling when someone cant talk about anything else apart from other people.

The saying ‘ if they’re gossiping to you, they are gossiping about you’

There is evidence that some low level gossip is actually normal and good for social cohesion, especially if it’s positive and looking out for other people. Malicious gossip is bad, but ‘oh did you hear so and so got a promotion?’ is perfectly normal.

In our office there is one woman who is guarded and never joins in conversations, she’s desperate to steer everyone onto a path of toxic positivity. Nobody trusts her. So I would say there are worst things in a workplace than gossip.

This was part of what changed things for me. Gossips will talk about anyone who is not there and that includes you.