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Original poster

Giving up gossip

210 replies

ratatouille99 · 30/08/2025 21:32

Has anyone ever actively done this?

I'm not an actively gossipy person, but I am a people pleaser. When people are gossiping around me I find myself commenting based on what I think they want to hear. Often getting drawn in. I am neurodivergent (ADHD/ASD) and therefore often do things to try and fit in. This may also be down to my personality. I'm fed up of feeling guilty whenever this happens, which isn't all the time, but enough for me to be writing this post. I'm actively going to either walk away, or listen quietly, and have prompts ready for when I do not want to be involved. All the best people I know are impartial. Though I'm worried people will think I'm being standoffish and have 'changed'.

Has anyone else actively chosen to stop being involved in drama, even indirectly or after being drawn in, and their feelings improved?

OP posts:
Dodeedoo · 31/08/2025 20:13

Laxonaweekend · 31/08/2025 20:12

I love pleasing my children and my closest two friends

guess I’ll start calling myself a “people pleaser” then.

That isn’t what people pleasing is. Why are you refusing to open your mind?

NotoriousABC · 31/08/2025 20:13

PreciousLittleLifeForms · 31/08/2025 19:53

I disagree. Not all people pleasing is someone lacking integrity. It can cover a lot of things. Some people are people pleasers simply because they want to be liked and fit in. They are nice people but are being nice at their own cost and can be taken advantage of.

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But that is an example of lacking integrity. Integrity is when what you think aligns with what you say and do.

Laxonaweekend · 31/08/2025 20:12

I love pleasing my children and my closest two friends

guess I’ll start calling myself a “people pleaser” then.

Dodeedoo · 31/08/2025 20:11

Laxonaweekend · 31/08/2025 20:10

“Definitely” 🙄

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It literally does though. Do some research. Open your mind.

Laxonaweekend · 31/08/2025 20:11

PreciousLittleLifeForms · 31/08/2025 20:08

OP said this

I'm not an actively gossipy person, but I am a people pleaser. When people are gossiping around me I find myself commenting based on what I think they want to hear. Often getting drawn in. I am neurodivergent (ADHD/ASD) and therefore often do things to try and fit in. This may also be down to my personality

She literally says she is a people pleaser and says what she thinks people want to hear to fit in.

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@PreciousLittleLifeForms do you think of yourself as a “people pleaser”?

Laxonaweekend · 31/08/2025 20:10

Dodeedoo · 31/08/2025 20:09

It does definitely exist

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“Definitely” 🙄

Laxonaweekend · 31/08/2025 20:10

I'm not an actively gossipy person, but I am a people pleaser.

”not an actively gossipy person”

nonsense. The op gossips. Own it.

Dodeedoo · 31/08/2025 20:09

Laxonaweekend · 31/08/2025 20:09

Are you saying that because the op uses the term “people pleaser” to describe herself it therefore definitely exists?

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It does definitely exist

Laxonaweekend · 31/08/2025 20:09

PreciousLittleLifeForms · 31/08/2025 20:08

OP said this

I'm not an actively gossipy person, but I am a people pleaser. When people are gossiping around me I find myself commenting based on what I think they want to hear. Often getting drawn in. I am neurodivergent (ADHD/ASD) and therefore often do things to try and fit in. This may also be down to my personality

She literally says she is a people pleaser and says what she thinks people want to hear to fit in.

Show quote history

Are you saying that because the op uses the term “people pleaser” to describe herself it therefore definitely exists?

PreciousLittleLifeForms · 31/08/2025 20:08

Laxonaweekend · 31/08/2025 20:04

Oh god…. I don’t see her as a “people pleaser”

She is gossiping. The end.

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OP said this

I'm not an actively gossipy person, but I am a people pleaser. When people are gossiping around me I find myself commenting based on what I think they want to hear. Often getting drawn in. I am neurodivergent (ADHD/ASD) and therefore often do things to try and fit in. This may also be down to my personality

She literally says she is a people pleaser and says what she thinks people want to hear to fit in.

PreciousLittleLifeForms · 31/08/2025 20:05

Laxonaweekend · 31/08/2025 20:01

Do you self describe yourself @PreciousLittleLifeForms as being a “people pleaser” out of interest?

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I used to be but I had therapy. I learnt to set boundaries and what my values are.
People used to take advantage of me.
Now I surround myself with people that I do not have to mask around. People pleasing for me was part of masking and a maladaptive coping mechanism.

Dodeedoo · 31/08/2025 20:05

Laxonaweekend · 31/08/2025 20:03

Not agreeing with what we view a nonsense term is not looking for a fight.
It is disagreeing with you 🤷‍♀️

Edited
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It is a term though. You may think it is nonsense which is fair enough, but it is literally a term.

Laxonaweekend · 31/08/2025 20:04

Dodeedoo · 31/08/2025 20:03

100 percent. All the OP has done is identify a character flaw with the aim for bettering herself, but unfortunately some people want to crucify her simply because she said she is ND and a people pleaser. Not surprised she hasn’t been back

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Oh god…. I don’t see her as a “people pleaser”

She is gossiping. The end.

Laxonaweekend · 31/08/2025 20:03

PreciousLittleLifeForms · 31/08/2025 20:01

Yes it seems that some people on here just want a fight.

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Not agreeing with what we view a nonsense term is not looking for a fight.
It is disagreeing with you 🤷‍♀️

Dodeedoo · 31/08/2025 20:03

PreciousLittleLifeForms · 31/08/2025 20:01

Yes it seems that some people on here just want a fight.

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100 percent. All the OP has done is identify a character flaw with the aim for bettering herself, but unfortunately some people want to crucify her simply because she said she is ND and a people pleaser. Not surprised she hasn’t been back

Laxonaweekend · 31/08/2025 20:02

Dodeedoo · 31/08/2025 19:58

@LittlePineapple @PreciousLittleLifeForms
you are both completely correct in what you are saying but you will just go round in circles in an attempt to get heard. Some people just do not want to believe that people pleasing is a thing.

So you do think that anyone who disagrees with the label “people pleaser” is wrong?

Laxonaweekend · 31/08/2025 20:01

PreciousLittleLifeForms · 31/08/2025 19:58

I never said that. They are often ND people who are not sure how to make friends and maintain relationships.

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Do you self describe yourself @PreciousLittleLifeForms as being a “people pleaser” out of interest?

PreciousLittleLifeForms · 31/08/2025 20:01

Dodeedoo · 31/08/2025 19:58

@LittlePineapple @PreciousLittleLifeForms
you are both completely correct in what you are saying but you will just go round in circles in an attempt to get heard. Some people just do not want to believe that people pleasing is a thing.

Yes it seems that some people on here just want a fight.

Dodeedoo · 31/08/2025 19:58

@LittlePineapple @PreciousLittleLifeForms
you are both completely correct in what you are saying but you will just go round in circles in an attempt to get heard. Some people just do not want to believe that people pleasing is a thing.

PreciousLittleLifeForms · 31/08/2025 19:58

Laxonaweekend · 31/08/2025 19:55

So they are, gulp, “too nice”

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I never said that. They are often ND people who are not sure how to make friends and maintain relationships.

Laxonaweekend · 31/08/2025 19:55

PreciousLittleLifeForms · 31/08/2025 19:53

I disagree. Not all people pleasing is someone lacking integrity. It can cover a lot of things. Some people are people pleasers simply because they want to be liked and fit in. They are nice people but are being nice at their own cost and can be taken advantage of.

Show quote history

So they are, gulp, “too nice”

LittlePineapple · 31/08/2025 19:54

Absolutely @PreciousLittleLifeForms .

PreciousLittleLifeForms · 31/08/2025 19:53

NotoriousABC · 31/08/2025 19:50

well yeah, it should be called something like that and I’m sure that less people would then want to be labelled as such!

Show quote history

I disagree. Not all people pleasing is someone lacking integrity. It can cover a lot of things. Some people are people pleasers simply because they want to be liked and fit in. They are nice people but are being nice at their own cost and can be taken advantage of.

Laxonaweekend · 31/08/2025 19:52

NotoriousABC · 31/08/2025 19:50

well yeah, it should be called something like that and I’m sure that less people would then want to be labelled as such!

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Nailed it

NotoriousABC · 31/08/2025 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

well yeah, it should be called something like that and I’m sure that less people would then want to be labelled as such!