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AIBU?

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Original poster

Not being able to go and being alone over christmas

112 replies

Summersalmostover · 30/08/2025 21:02

So before I begin I would like to say I have been left out before when it comes to holidays and days out with family etc.

I am a single parent with 1 child who is a tween. Today I saw my sibling and they mentioned about going away over Christmas and our DM said to let me know. Sibling said it was all inclusive for a week in an area. I got no say in board or location. Sibling said that they had found holiday for around 700 per person all inclusive.
I told Sibling there was no way I could afford that in 3/4 months. Usually I've had to pay a holiday off 1 year or more in advance. Sibling mentions a child free place but I said you need to adults to get the deal and so I wouldn't get it.
Im a single salaried person who still has all the same costs as a double adult family like Sibling and our parents are well off so doesnt matter to them the price.
Also I cant just go any dates due to child going with father over Christmas. Child father would not allow it and we are court ordered. Which family havent thought about.
Now I know its not their fault im a single parent or that there is court ordered child arrangements.
However there seems to be no flexibility for board, area or dates that could make it possible for us to come along. Even if I did it for 4/5 nights.
So it looks like I will be spending Christmas on my own this year with just my child and then alone boxing day.

Aibu to feel upset about it. I know that regardless me being alone family wont think about it and will still going ahead with what they want and not being inclusive of me and my child.

OP posts:
Claudiebus · 30/08/2025 21:56

Summersalmostover · 30/08/2025 21:23

I've spent every Christmas with parents except one when I had covid a few years ago.

Show quote history

I get that you are upset . I would either pay for my sibling/ daughter to go or stay at home. Sorry OP it’s mean of them imo.

latetothefisting · 30/08/2025 21:52

On the fence. I think they are entitled to want to have a holiday abroad. If you're old enough to have a 10 year old I'm assuming your parents are at least in their 60s? If they waited to do a Christmas abroad because of your childcare arrangements it could be another 8 years, at which point they could be in a completely different position health, agility, monetary wise.

However where they could have dealt with it better is planning further in advance. If they asked now for next year you could potentially pay it off in increments, arrange something with your child's dad (i.e. he has her for longer this year, you next year), or if you still couldn't make it work, have more time to plan something else yourself.

Original poster
Summersalmostover · 30/08/2025 21:46

MurderSheDidntWrite · 30/08/2025 21:43

You can’t change them. Only your own behaviour. They’re showing you who they are. There’s no valuing in wishing them different. Just let them.
Have a think about how you want to feel on Xmas day and Boxing Day and I’m sure you’ll find a lovely way to make that happen.

I’m the least favoured child and I used to tie myself in knots with gifts and birthday/ Christmas celebrations. I had a life altering moment that resulted in me being in hospital for 3 weeks. None of them visited and even speaking to them on the phone they somehow made it all about them. It really opened me eyes that I was not exaggerating when I felt they would never be there for me when the chips were down. I had some lovely friends who were totally there. I also joined a lovely gym - CrossFit type. They’ve welcomed in an overweight middle aged woman and they’re very social so I have lots to do now that doesn’t depend on the dregs offered by my family.

Im sorry you've had to go through that. I myself have been a poster on the stately homes board here on mumsnet due to family etc. Don't wish to be but I know I can't change my family. I just wish they could understand my view of things but I know they never will.

OP posts:
Original poster
Summersalmostover · 30/08/2025 21:43

FluffMagnet · 30/08/2025 21:38

Whilst I can see it is hurtful to you, you were asked and have said no (albeit for valid reasons). As we grow up, our nuclear family becomes extended family, and that means more decision makers.

Your siblings and your parents are completely entitled to want to spend a Christmas away, and have found something that suits them. They have invited you along too, so are not excluding you from joining them, but you cannot make it unless they change their plans significantly. So gently, you cannot force two other family units to bend to your plans each Christmas just because it is what you like to do/suits your family set-up.

My mother tentatively raised she and my DF going away to Austria for a quiet Christmas alone this year, as they've only ever had one Christmas alone and really liked it. I think they are just tired of decades of hosting. I'll miss them, but fully support them getting to have a Christmas that they really want rather than catering to all our needs.

Thanks I understand what you're saying however its not that it suits me etc. I really don't have a choice. I would really love to go away over Christmas.
Its just the thought of being on my own over the Christmas period whilst I know they will all be sitting in the sunshine with company having fun.

OP posts:
MurderSheDidntWrite · 30/08/2025 21:43

You can’t change them. Only your own behaviour. They’re showing you who they are. There’s no valuing in wishing them different. Just let them.
Have a think about how you want to feel on Xmas day and Boxing Day and I’m sure you’ll find a lovely way to make that happen.

I’m the least favoured child and I used to tie myself in knots with gifts and birthday/ Christmas celebrations. I had a life altering moment that resulted in me being in hospital for 3 weeks. None of them visited and even speaking to them on the phone they somehow made it all about them. It really opened me eyes that I was not exaggerating when I felt they would never be there for me when the chips were down. I had some lovely friends who were totally there. I also joined a lovely gym - CrossFit type. They’ve welcomed in an overweight middle aged woman and they’re very social so I have lots to do now that doesn’t depend on the dregs offered by my family.

FluffMagnet · 30/08/2025 21:38

Whilst I can see it is hurtful to you, you were asked and have said no (albeit for valid reasons). As we grow up, our nuclear family becomes extended family, and that means more decision makers.

Your siblings and your parents are completely entitled to want to spend a Christmas away, and have found something that suits them. They have invited you along too, so are not excluding you from joining them, but you cannot make it unless they change their plans significantly. So gently, you cannot force two other family units to bend to your plans each Christmas just because it is what you like to do/suits your family set-up.

My mother tentatively raised she and my DF going away to Austria for a quiet Christmas alone this year, as they've only ever had one Christmas alone and really liked it. I think they are just tired of decades of hosting. I'll miss them, but fully support them getting to have a Christmas that they really want rather than catering to all our needs.

justasking111 · 30/08/2025 21:27

Can you invite a friend or two to your home on Christmas Day.

Original poster
Summersalmostover · 30/08/2025 21:23

Claudiebus · 30/08/2025 21:19

Do you normally spend xmas with your family? I dont think you are being unreasonable if so.

I've spent every Christmas with parents except one when I had covid a few years ago.

OP posts:
Original poster
Summersalmostover · 30/08/2025 21:22

Toastedpickle · 30/08/2025 21:12

Difficult. If they like going away for Christmas, it isn’t their fault that you can’t. I’m assuming your sibling is child free? So it may not be the most fun for your DC anyway. But yes, if that was me, personally I would want to be with my niece/nephew or grandchild for Christmas.

How old is your DC? I think having a Christmas just the two of you is so special and there is lots you can do to make it really amazing for you both at home. Forget the others if they don’t want to be involved. Your DC is the most important here.

Sibling has children. Younger than my child. DC is 10. I know it would be special but in a way Im sad because its showing him also that my family don't think about us (its not the first time).

OP posts:
Claudiebus · 30/08/2025 21:19

Do you normally spend xmas with your family? I dont think you are being unreasonable if so.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 30/08/2025 21:16

I think they have been really thoughtless and treated you really shittily and created a wealth divide. I’m sorry OP, I would be upset too.

Toastedpickle · 30/08/2025 21:12

Difficult. If they like going away for Christmas, it isn’t their fault that you can’t. I’m assuming your sibling is child free? So it may not be the most fun for your DC anyway. But yes, if that was me, personally I would want to be with my niece/nephew or grandchild for Christmas.

How old is your DC? I think having a Christmas just the two of you is so special and there is lots you can do to make it really amazing for you both at home. Forget the others if they don’t want to be involved. Your DC is the most important here.