Not being able to go and being alone over christmas

I think there are millions of families who wouldn't be able to save £700 over the next three or so months.

I must say I can never see how swap overs between Christmas Day and Boxing Day - or sometimes even halfway through Christmas Day - can be much fun for the children involved. One of the best things about Christmas is the heightened and exciting relaxation; the days spent in pyjamas with no pressure to do anything in particular. That’s not possible if you’re constantly preparing to be rushed somewhere else.

Think of it as spreading the fun. You can do a fake Christmas either before they go away or when they get back. You and your dd can do your own “Christmas Day” whenever it works with custody agreement. December 25th even if on your own get all your favourite foods and watch some good tv. It’s just a change of mindset

I don't think they should have to curtail their plans because you can't afford it. It sounds like the bigger problem is the days with DC father so wouldn't that mean they can't go away at Christmas ever because you can't?

£700 is really cheap. Surely you can save that over the next five months?

This is my thought too - how long should they be expected to curtail their own wants to accommodate the OP?

I agree with this completely

The OP has had it her way for a decade, it doesn't make her family big meanies for wanting to do something different one year.

I'm often a last minute, seat-of-the-pants person when it comes to booking travel but even I think that they're left it late to plan a Christmas away when there are three households involved PLUS multiple adults needing time off work at a time everyone else wants too, one child splitting Christmas time between two parents, AND it's an especially busy and expensive travel time. And of course the dates should be discussed, not dictated - although I'm getting the feeling your sister perhaps had a whim to travel at Christmas (which is often not as fun as people think it will be) and picked a spot and is basically saying "come along if you want". But I'd also talk to your mother directly about this if you haven't, and maybe suggest putting off a Christmas trip until next year if it's genuinely wanted and if you could work out something with your ex given more time.

Being just the two of you on Christmas Day and solo on Boxing Day doesn't have to be miserable, though, if that's what ends up happening. Plan to spend the days exactly as you (and your child, for the time he's with you) like.

But the alternative is that they're never allowed to go away at Christmas because you can't afford it? That's not fair on them. Make alternative plans. See other family members, friends, or create new traditions just between you and your child.

If they really wanted you to come they would have arranged it in the beginning so you all booked something that suited everyone.

it would be entirely reasonable for you to be hurt by this. Especially as you usually spend Christmas together. Your mum is a coward by asking your Dsis to mention it in passing.

@Summersalmostover
So your parents have form for treating you badly?
Would you actually have a good time of you went with them?

How old is your child? Could you afford to go out for Christmas lunch this year as a treat for the 2 of you.
Maybe go for a walk together first Christmas morning, then lunch out and have relaxing present opening, games and movies when you get back.
Boxing day I'd rent a couple of movies and chill once dc has gone to dad's. I'd treat myself to some really nice food and a bottle of something special - doesn't need to be alcoholic.

I mean, it sounds like they’ve accommodated her plans and wishes for the best part of a decade - surely they’re allowed to do something they want this year?

You have plenty of time to plan, I don’t think it’s as bad as you’re thinking. Lots of families spend the day itself on their own, and then Boxing Day is often pub walks/get togethers etc. Why don’t you save for some lovely food/games etc you can enjoy with your DC on Xmas day, and start making plans to get together with friends on Boxing Day?

Could you and your DS go somewhere else for Christmas, maybe in the UK, to make it a special one for just the two of you?

But as a pp said, you could also apply
to court for a variation in the order so that you and exh each get a “block” of time with your DS, rather than having a rush to swap between Christmas Day and Boxing Day. After a little bit of trial and error in the early days, exh and I now do it so that one of us has Christmas week and one has NY week. It seems to be much better that way.

Edit - and just to say, the DC and I have been away for Christmas as a three which was fun, and had Christmas at home. When we had the day at home, we invited friends over for drinks in the morning which was really fun, and then did a walk to spot all the local Christmas lights after lunch.

What a bunch of arseholes: never would I leave my child and grandchild alone if they couldn’t afford it I’d pay for it. If someone had to stay to accomodate an ex - I would go on another date -

they’re not worth your sadness, tears or worry honey - I’d tell them exactly what I thought about the situation.

I'm going against the general grain here and will re-frame this. I understand why you are upset that the Christmas plans don't suit your circumstances, but basically you have had 10+years of Christmas plans that do suit you. Did you ever ask if others wanted to do something different, or did you simply assume that because it was what suited you that everyone else was happy about it? Perhaps they had always wanted to get away, have a nice break with somebody else doing all the cooking, cleaning, entertainment etc. Perhaps they all put it off because they knew that it would be difficult for you. Perhaps they decided to go for it whilst they still could. It seems you have had a decent run with people doing Christmas "your way", so it's perhaps time they got to do it their way? Being "flexible" isn't always getting things the way you want them. You've actually had quite a lot of flexibility, and just don't seem to see it.

@raisingthebarbell but if it was my sister, I’d be saying “mum and I were wondering about getting away at Christmas. Would it be possible for you to get away - wondering about when your dc has to visit your exDP? And also budget! I know it’s an expensive time of year. But would be so great if we can all go if you’d like to I’m sure we can help.”

There’s no way I’d go on a truncated Christmas holiday - the cost and hassle of the travel would put me off.

Have you actually spoken to your parents about the situation and given some ideas about how it could be made workable for you?