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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dislike my husband masturbating in bed?

364 replies

justabigdisco · 30/08/2025 18:30

I was woken last night by the bed shaking and my husband heavy breathing. I asked him WTF he was doing and he said ‘just trying to get comfy in bed’ however it was clear he was wanking next to me while I slept. There have been other episodes where I’ve been woken up and thought ‘is he…?’ but never been sure until last night.

I haven’t said anything to him yet but have been thinking about it all day. He has a higher sex drive than me and I know this frustrates him, but AIBU to find it a bit gross and disrespectful?

OP posts:
CATomas · 21/08/2026 15:12

You should join in, one way or the other. Make mutual wanking a regular event. Great turn on to watch each other and talk about it.

EstherGreenwood63 · 21/08/2026 15:56

Herbert alert...

PistachioTiramisu · 21/08/2026 19:15

Bloody disgusting - if a man HAS to do this, go to the bathroom Yuck!

PistachioTiramisu · 21/08/2026 19:15

CATomas · 21/08/2026 15:12

You should join in, one way or the other. Make mutual wanking a regular event. Great turn on to watch each other and talk about it.

It really is not - horrible.

Illegally18 · 21/08/2026 19:28

InterestedDad37 · 30/08/2025 18:59

Call him a wanker and go back to sleep 🙂

😆

TankFlyBossW4lk · 21/08/2026 20:11

whitewineandsun · 30/08/2025 18:34

I honestly don't see the problem. It's his bed too, and you were sleeping. But you're bound to get support. People on here seem to think men should hide away in the bathroom like teenage boys.

This

Pedallleur · 21/08/2026 20:20

What happened to posh wanks? Not Victoria but where the man supposedly wanks into a condom.

TheHateIsNotGood · 21/08/2026 20:27

Man;s gotta do what a man;s gotta do. Don't have a penis myself but understand they have 'hydraulics' and need some relief/pressure releasing every so often.

Probably as inconvenient as having tits and periods. 6 of 1 and all that.

EstherGreenwood63 · 22/08/2026 08:29

TheHateIsNotGood · 21/08/2026 20:27

Man;s gotta do what a man;s gotta do. Don't have a penis myself but understand they have 'hydraulics' and need some relief/pressure releasing every so often.

Probably as inconvenient as having tits and periods. 6 of 1 and all that.

Chinny etc

daisyydaisyy · 22/08/2026 08:53

BrightLightTonight · 30/08/2025 19:01

I’d join in 😁

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Absolutely same I’d find this quite the turn on!

Whatifitallgoesright · 22/08/2026 09:00

I don't see the problem. Maybe he couldn't sleep and a wank would help. Checking with your partner before you have a wank is a bit grim.

HumberSquid · 22/08/2026 09:33

thebabayaga · 31/08/2025 11:30

They're not having sex. He's wanking beside his sleeping wife. You have incredibly low standards.

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Or quite possibly you are just very odd? Bed is a perfectly normal place to masturbate.

Spiderx · 27/08/2026 08:34

TheHateIsNotGood · 21/08/2026 20:27

Man;s gotta do what a man;s gotta do. Don't have a penis myself but understand they have 'hydraulics' and need some relief/pressure releasing every so often.

Probably as inconvenient as having tits and periods. 6 of 1 and all that.

There is also some evidence that regular " relief" reduces the chance of prostate cancer ...so on that alone...!

Spiderx · 27/08/2026 08:48

BauhausOfEliott · 31/08/2025 17:20

Tell him, then.

This wouldn’t bother me. But a) I’m not someone who really minds being woken up occasionally, by anything and b) my partner knows I wouldn’t mind him having a wank. Also I’ve done it myself in bed when he’s been asleep.

If it bothers you, you need to have a conversation about it. It’s absolutely fine for you to request that boundary, but it does require a conversation. I would also have that conversation in a way that made it clear that you aren’t repulsed by the fact that he wanks - if my partner told me that me masturbating at all was gross and disgusting, I’d be rethinking our relationship. But if he said “look, I feel a bit awkward about it and it wakes me up, so maybe it could be a more private thing?” I would obviously not mind and respect his boundary.

I don’t feel it’s as simple as “he’s a disgusting pig and he needs to do it in the bathroom with the door locked and only with his eyes closed while thinking of you and he must ejaculate into a sterile tissue and flush it immediately lest he contaminate the sanctity of the marital home with his repellent man-poison’, which seems to be how quite a lot of Mumsnetters feel about men masturbating.

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Oh gawd ...AT LAST ...the voice of adult reason on this thread, thank you.

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