Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dislike my husband masturbating in bed?

364 replies

justabigdisco · 30/08/2025 18:30

I was woken last night by the bed shaking and my husband heavy breathing. I asked him WTF he was doing and he said ‘just trying to get comfy in bed’ however it was clear he was wanking next to me while I slept. There have been other episodes where I’ve been woken up and thought ‘is he…?’ but never been sure until last night.

I haven’t said anything to him yet but have been thinking about it all day. He has a higher sex drive than me and I know this frustrates him, but AIBU to find it a bit gross and disrespectful?

OP posts:
RealEagle · 30/08/2025 20:13

CallieOMally · 30/08/2025 20:05

No it’s the unhelpful thoughts part. What does that mean?

Show quote history

I’m intrigued to also find out about the thoughts part.

Endorewitch · 30/08/2025 20:12

Why not grab him and say why want when I can give you more pleasure?

SummerEve · 30/08/2025 20:12

CaramelGhost · 30/08/2025 19:22

You don't think there is anything wrong with some engaging in sexual activity in the same bed as you, without consent? That aside, you'd be okay with someone shaking your bed and being noisy in your bed, for whatever reason, as you slept? Weird

Show quote history

You are deliberately reaching here, aren't you?

CaramelGhost · 30/08/2025 20:12

shuggles · 30/08/2025 19:27

@CaramelGhost You don't think there is anything wrong with some engaging in sexual activity in the same bed as you, without consent?

This perspective is a bit weird. His sexual activity doesn't involve his partner.

Imagine if someone made a post on mumsnet saying "my wife is playing with herself in our bed. I don't consent to this and I think she should leave our bed to do it."

Yeah I can imagine that. Same opinion applies, What's your point sorry?

ChrisMartinsKisskam · 30/08/2025 20:12

Belladog1 · 30/08/2025 18:41

I'd watch 😉

I would talk dirty to him and help him along 😂

JustStopItNora · 30/08/2025 20:09

MemorableTrenchcoat · 30/08/2025 20:06

I don’t “know” any such thing.

Show quote history

I know I definitely do not think about DH when I masturbate. Been together 21 years and very happy and monogamous. But masturbation is for fantasy and has nothing to do with how I feel about DH.

CherrieTomaties · 30/08/2025 20:08

YesImaman1100 · 30/08/2025 18:42

Could give him a wee flash or help out?

Wtf is wrong with you?

BettysRoasties · 30/08/2025 20:07

localnotail · 30/08/2025 20:04

I think the issue here is that we know that most men dont think about their wives when wanking. And are not interested in them "joining in".

I doubt many women who partake are laying there having a rub thinking of their snoring husbands next to them tbh.

Kidznurse · 30/08/2025 20:06

You sound really prudish, do you never masterbate ? As you say he’s got a higher sex drive than you so why should yours be the base line. Just let him have a wank if you’re not willing to let him have sex with you and why not make it a shared thing by giving him a hand ?

Thingyfanding · 30/08/2025 20:06

It wouldn’t bother me

MemorableTrenchcoat · 30/08/2025 20:06

localnotail · 30/08/2025 20:04

I think the issue here is that we know that most men dont think about their wives when wanking. And are not interested in them "joining in".

I don’t “know” any such thing.

CallieOMally · 30/08/2025 20:05

localnotail · 30/08/2025 20:01

What, I'm not being clear? Wanking, to me, is a body function similar to defecation or urination. And should be done in private.

Show quote history

No it’s the unhelpful thoughts part. What does that mean?

Tigergirl80 · 30/08/2025 20:05

At least he’s not pestering you for sex. You can get vibrating masturbaters now.

LillyPJ · 30/08/2025 20:04

Coldnightsapproachingwhereismyduvet · 30/08/2025 18:36

Wanking is a private encounter.. As in bathroom or home alone...

What on earth makes you say that?! Do you think sex should be missionary only and under the covers too?

localnotail · 30/08/2025 20:04

I think the issue here is that we know that most men dont think about their wives when wanking. And are not interested in them "joining in".

OrangeFluff · 30/08/2025 20:04

Everyone will have different boundaries around sex, and that is ok.

The problem here is that you haven’t discussed it. If you can’t discuss sex and boundaries with your partner then something is definitely wrong.

This would not bother me and I would join in- the only upset I would feel is that he didn’t wake me up for a quicky honestly.

localnotail · 30/08/2025 20:03

Belladog1 · 30/08/2025 19:55

I'm sure most men would love to wake up to their wives having a cheeky play!

Show quote history

Well, I would imagine at lest some would feel inadequate.

housethatbuiltme · 30/08/2025 20:01

I would rather that them him wake me.

If I'm asleep I'm clearly not up for it, if he is then he is allowed to touch himself (really that shouldn't need stating should it, its HIS body).

As long as hes not slapping me with it or skunking his load on me then its non of my business. Certainly nothing that requires 'consent' to wank in his own house/bed.

localnotail · 30/08/2025 20:01

CallieOMally · 30/08/2025 19:52

…what?

Show quote history

What, I'm not being clear? Wanking, to me, is a body function similar to defecation or urination. And should be done in private.

JustStopItNora · 30/08/2025 20:01

Orgasms act as a soporific and so yes if i have trouble sleeping I do that. Why not? DH does too I know (he has insomnia) but I tend to find it amusing when he starts to do so, then I sigh seemingly in my sleep and roll over so he stops.... then when he starts again, I do that again. It makes me laugh. If i can be bothered I join in.

It's a normal part of life surely.

Belladog1 · 30/08/2025 20:00

Poppins21 · 30/08/2025 19:56

My DH has never complained and often leads to sexy time so all good in my book.

Show quote history

Exactly. My partner loves to watch.

Poppins21 · 30/08/2025 19:59

amispeakingintongues · 30/08/2025 19:56

I’d personally be disgusted. I’m surprised not even would be tbh but judging by this thead many think its acceptable… but it feels creepy AF to me. Wank away but do it in private, otherwise it feels like a violation to me. Like how do you know he’s not aiming himself at you ?!! Ew

I would have no issues with my DHs sperm - I am happy to get covered in it during other times so this certainly would not be an ew from me. It is not some random stranger.

MightyGoldBear · 30/08/2025 19:58

I wouldn't like this. In my relationship we've spoken about everything so we are both on the same page. We've agreed together our boundaries and preferences. We both want to be enjoying sex and masturbation or mutual masturbation together. Otherwise we both feel like we are missing out. It works for us. But for other relationships it might not so they need to agree.

What I would really be questioning is why he is lying about it and adding this whole element of secrecy in. I think a honest conversation is needed.

Gloriia · 30/08/2025 19:57

Just seems a shame anyone would masturbate whilst in bed with their dp imo.
Do you have sex regularly op?

Poppins21 · 30/08/2025 19:56

Belladog1 · 30/08/2025 19:55

I'm sure most men would love to wake up to their wives having a cheeky play!

Show quote history

My DH has never complained and often leads to sexy time so all good in my book.

Swipe left for the next trending thread