Page 7 | To dislike my husband masturbating in bed?

justabigdisco · 2025-08-30T17:30:07+00:00

I was woken last night by the bed shaking and my husband heavy breathing. I asked him WTF he was doing and he said ‘just trying to get comfy in bed’ however it was clear he was wanking next to me while I slept. There have been other episodes where I’ve been woken up and thought ‘is he…?’ but never been sure until last night. I haven’t said anything to him yet but have been thinking about it all day. He has a higher sex drive than me and I know this frustrates him, but AIBU to find it a bit gross and disrespectful?

MyLimeBiscuit · 30/08/2025 21:02

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LaughingCat · 30/08/2025 21:01

Hygbridghhh · 30/08/2025 19:28

It's fine if your partner knows it is fine. Both camps are right. But those that don't see the problem have presumably communicated that at some point. Making it not two camps but one of communication

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Yeah - my original comment said something very similar.

Lavender14 · 30/08/2025 21:01

GleisZwei · 30/08/2025 18:41

If he's right next to her then yes, he probably does need to check she's ok with it.

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Absolutely this. Forcing anyone to witness a sexual act they don't consent to is a form of sexual abuse/assault.

It's not about him needing to 'hide away', obviously masturbation is a normal thing. But he needs to make sure he's not making people around him uncomfortable with it including his wife.

He could have waited or gone to another room.

MyLimeBiscuit · 30/08/2025 21:00

SouthLondonMum22 · 30/08/2025 21:00

He woke OP up anyway.

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Waking her up expecting sex.

I often masturbate in bed to help me sleep

Corfumanchu · 30/08/2025 21:00

You sound very controlling

BigBirdOfPrey · 30/08/2025 21:00

What would annoy me is the thought he is using, who is he thinking of!

SouthLondonMum22 · 30/08/2025 21:00

MyLimeBiscuit · 30/08/2025 20:58

I would rather he did that then wake me up lol

He woke OP up anyway.

MyDogHumpsThings · 30/08/2025 20:58

I would not be bothered by his masturbating, but I would be perturbed by the clean up. The difference between men and women masturbating in bed is the amount of secretions produced. We don’t go to sleep in a puddle of spunk after we have sex, so why would I want to sleep in it after a wank? Why would he? I suppose I’m curious about how this was going to be managed rather than the act of masturbating, per se.

MyLimeBiscuit · 30/08/2025 20:58

I would rather he did that then wake me up lol

Jennyathemall · 30/08/2025 20:56

CherrieTomaties · 30/08/2025 20:49

Stopped reading at there are so many sexually repressed prudish women remaining in this day and age

Grim, grim, and fucking grim. The internalised misogyny is diabolical.

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So just because you disagree with something sex related it’s “internalised misogyny” Where’s is it? I don’t see it. In fact I agree with the comment. It’s shockingly apparent on MN that British attitudes to sex are still rooted in the 1950s for many.

Dzhvl0 · 30/08/2025 20:56

It was how I discovered that my ex-husband had fallen in love with someone else and it was “his attempt to remain faithful”. Also discovered that he didn’t love or fancy me but did “appreciate” other women.
Ps - not meaning that he is unfaithful but it did feel degrading.

Nanny31 · 30/08/2025 20:54

If you can't beat them join them ! ☺️

Poodlelove · 30/08/2025 20:53

For those who have discussed masturbation with their partner to establish boundaries , did anyone's partner agree to never masturbate ?

LillyPJ · 30/08/2025 20:52

BettysRoasties · 30/08/2025 20:07

I doubt many women who partake are laying there having a rub thinking of their snoring husbands next to them tbh.

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,😂

CherrieTomaties · 30/08/2025 20:49

Weekmindedfool · 30/08/2025 20:42

Yes it’s about the OP who has asked for
opinions on a public forum and that’s exactly what she has got.

And I agree it’s like time going backwards - unbelievable there are so many sexually repressed prudish women remaining in this day and age who believe their life partner who they supposedly love and are sexually attracted to is dirty for masturbating in their own bed, who think masturbation should be done on private and who think them joining in is them is “serving male needs” rather than heaven forbid it’s because they enjoy it for both themselves and their partners pleasure.

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Stopped reading at there are so many sexually repressed prudish women remaining in this day and age

Grim, grim, and fucking grim. The internalised misogyny is diabolical.

BigBirdOfPrey · 30/08/2025 20:47

I’d hate that x

Privatedancerwanker · 30/08/2025 20:46

NC for this, since half of Mn seem to believe it’s evil!
I once woke DH up doing exactly this. I love him, he loves me, I have massive respect for him. It wasn’t about him, at all. I’ve no doubt he would have woken me up doing this too but his preferred venue is the shower 🤣🤣🤣

SouthLondonMum22 · 30/08/2025 20:46

Rosscameasdoody · 30/08/2025 20:44

So despite the fact that he has a higher sex drive than OP and accommodates it by doing what comes naturally, he should stop because it makes her feel uncomfortable. Jesus talk about controlling.

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He doesn't have to masturbate next to her which shakes the bed and wakes her up.

MoominMai · 30/08/2025 20:46

nam3c4ang3 · 30/08/2025 19:33

Doesn’t bother me - but what matters is it bothers you.

👍End of thread 🙂🙃

Rosscameasdoody · 30/08/2025 20:45

Weekmindedfool · 30/08/2025 20:42

Yes it’s about the OP who has asked for
opinions on a public forum and that’s exactly what she has got.

And I agree it’s like time going backwards - unbelievable there are so many sexually repressed prudish women remaining in this day and age who believe their life partner who they supposedly love and are sexually attracted to is dirty for masturbating in their own bed, who think masturbation should be done on private and who think them joining in is them is “serving male needs” rather than heaven forbid it’s because they enjoy it for both themselves and their partners pleasure.

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This. MN is weird sometimes.

Rosscameasdoody · 30/08/2025 20:44

MeganM3 · 30/08/2025 20:30

I would not like it. It is a private thing unless it’s mutual or the other person WANTS to join in. It’s not ok that he does this if you feel uncomfortable.

So despite the fact that he has a higher sex drive than OP and accommodates it by doing what comes naturally, he should stop because it makes her feel uncomfortable. Jesus talk about controlling.

Weekmindedfool · 30/08/2025 20:42

CherrieTomaties · 30/08/2025 20:37

Good for you. But this isn’t about you. This thread is about the OP who clearly states she feels it’s disrespectful and doesn’t like him doing it next to her whilst she sleeps.

Why on earth would you read the OP, it’s in black and white she dislikes it, and yet you say “give him a wee flash or help out”.

Fucking gross to give that type of “advice” to another woman. is time going backwards? Are women just here to serve men’s sexual needs?

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Yes it’s about the OP who has asked for
opinions on a public forum and that’s exactly what she has got.

And I agree it’s like time going backwards - unbelievable there are so many sexually repressed prudish women remaining in this day and age who believe their life partner who they supposedly love and are sexually attracted to is dirty for masturbating in their own bed, who think masturbation should be done on private and who think them joining in is them is “serving male needs” rather than heaven forbid it’s because they enjoy it for both themselves and their partners pleasure.

Jackreacherstrousers · 30/08/2025 20:42

dairydebris · 30/08/2025 18:40

Youre free to like / dislike whatever you chose.

This wouldn't bother everyone tho.

Let the man wank in his own bed, I say.

This exactly! I certainly wouldn't ask my husband's permission if I fancied a wank and he was sound asleep.

SouthLondonMum22 · 30/08/2025 20:41

You were sleeping and the shaking is obviously going to wake you up. I'd find it really disrespectful.

I have no issues with masturbating, it's healthy and normal but that doesn't mean you can be inconsiderate because you want a wank.

Rosscameasdoody · 30/08/2025 20:41

CherrieTomaties · 30/08/2025 20:37

Good for you. But this isn’t about you. This thread is about the OP who clearly states she feels it’s disrespectful and doesn’t like him doing it next to her whilst she sleeps.

Why on earth would you read the OP, it’s in black and white she dislikes it, and yet you say “give him a wee flash or help out”.

Fucking gross to give that type of “advice” to another woman. is time going backwards? Are women just here to serve men’s sexual needs?

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No, women are not just here to serve mens’ sexual needs. But OP admits that her DH’s sex drive exceeds her own. What’s he supposed to do ? If a man posted the same thing here he would be accused of being controlling and handed his arse on a plate.