To dislike my husband masturbating in bed?

Wouldn't bother me I'd just go back to sleep. I've done it myself on a few occasions whilst he's asleep next to me and I'm struggling to settle, doesn't bother my husband either.

This, so this

Would not bother me.
He thought she was fast asleep.

if sex drives mismatch he’s going to do it somewhere. It’s better than having an affair or getting kicks in public
it’s niaive to think that a sex drive mismatch does manifest (in this case in a quick wank)

The difference is:

Your husband is okay with you fingering yourself next to him as he sleeps. Perfectly fine.

The OP finds it disrespectful for her husband to wank, shake the bed and heavy breathe whilst at the side of her asleep resulting in her being disturbed and woken up. The OP is perfectly fine to feel this way. Her feelings are valid and she should not be made to feel inferior for this by other women.

It’s absolutely nothing to do with prudishness. And it’s not pearl clutching either. I’d have thought any adult with emotional intelligence and respect would think that.

If I were to guess, I’d think it’s more likely to correlate with women that have been sexually assaulted/raped & how they feel about that now.

I have a high sex drive and DH and I have a great sex life despite having a toddler and a baby. However, as the victim of sexual assault, I am sensitive to sexual acts taking place without my consent. If I woke up to that I’d feel violated and very uncomfortable.

But he wasn't doing it in front of another person. He thought OP was asleep....

If ops sex drive is lower and her partner knows she is not up for it....

Wanking in the bed next to her, with the bed shaking enough to wake her up, is thoughtless at best, and mildly abusive at worst. Especially so if she has stated she finds it unacceptable.

I think if it were the other way round, and it was the male partner who had stated he wasn't up for sex, to be woken up to his partner wanking and making the bed shake next to him, waking him up in the process, would be just as bad.

Sex is a sensitive, private thing between two people and if one isn't up for it, and wants to sleep, then that should be respected.

Now you're just giving me ideas. I'll bring my satisfyer pro with me to the cliff next time I go for a private walk.

Eh?
Your body, your choice doesn't apply to masturbating in front of another person without their consent.

…in Waitrose, up a tree, in the airing cupboard, at a National Trust property… so many places more appropriate than in his own bed.

There is too much prudeshness and pearls clutching on this post.
My husband is a deep sleeper and occasionally if I fancy one I will have one.
He knows as we talk about these things.
Sleep tight ladies.

Bathroom, shower, bath, home alone, in another room

I agree.

I'd find it just as disrespectful if a woman was masturbating next to her sleeping DH and waking him up too.

But it isn't just "his" bed its a shared space and currently occupied by another person

MN is such a a confusing place. It makes no sense what is considered totally normal and acceptable.

@mylimebiscuit There is the expectation that you have sex with your wife yes, consensual sex free from coercion. Otherwise it is marital rape. Do you not think that men can sexually abuse their wives? Or that being married means you must bow to your dhs libido? If he's doing ANYTHING sexual that makes op uncomfortable then he cannot continue to do it and op has the right to ask him not to.

Having sexual boundaries doesn't automatically make op controlling - she's not telling him he can never have a wank. He can of course have a wank in bed when he's alone. But he also cannot just assume that his wife is happy for him to do that in front of her and wake her with it.

The key in all of this is that its made op uncomfortable and she doesn't like it. Whether or not you or I would be cool with it is actually completely irrelevant.

Nobody is suggesting this at all. Gender reversals work sometimes but not in thia case. I haven't seen anyone suggest that woman riding a dildo while her husband is asleep to be fine 🤷🏼‍♀️

Of course it is disrespectful. OP was asleep. I wouldn’t start playing with myself whilst my partner was sleeping next to me and wouldn’t expect my partner too, he can do it in private or with OP when she’s awake (with consent). It’s a big grim to just do it whilst she’s asleep next to him.

Not if you're considerate of the fact that you are sharing a bed with someone. I wouldn't disturb DH on purpose and neither would he, it isn't difficult.

Wanking is a selfish choice if the person next to you is sleeping.

The internalised misogyny was this quote right here: there are so many sexually repressed prudish women remaining in this day and age

Honestly, probably one of the vilest things I’ve read on here in a while.

Just because a woman doesn’t like to have her spouse wanking at the side of her whilst she sleeps and waking her up with heavy breathing and the bed shaking doesn’t mean she’s sexually repressed and prudish.

Just because some women agree with the OP doesn’t make them sexually repressed and prudish.

FWIW, I walked in on my ex wanking in the kitchen and that gave me the ick far more than our bed.

I wouldn't care about the wanking... It would be the waking me up that'd piss me off.

People snore, fidget and talk in their sleep. I get up to go to the loo. He puts the radio on if he can't sleep. We often disturb each other. It's just part of life if you share a bed.

Meanwhile I have to see women's camel toes and so much of their body and I get told to look away

Which is fine if it doesn't wake up anyone else sharing a bed with you.

It isn't fine if it is disturbing someone else who is trying to sleep.