To dislike my husband masturbating in bed?

What are these men supposed to do if their partners go away for a few days ?
Some people seem to think that a man would wait.
If a man says he doesn't masterbate then I think it has to be a lie.
What if you have been married 20 /30 years ? Do you think that either partner has never masterbated in their life ?

You said they've objected to their partners having a wank.

That just isnt true.

They objected to someone laying next to then while sleeping, waking them up wanking.

There's a difference there

Masturbation is absolutely fine and normal.

I still don't want to be disturbed in the night by it though. That would be my issue.

Of course they have. Read the comments talking about ‘consent’.

There has been quite a few women in my school year group who have had babies with their husbands and then once the children are mid primary separate and they then have girlfriends. I’m talking early 1990’s babies so not exactly hidden in the closet eras.

What always appeared on the outside nice lovely wholesome couples / families. Then mum discovers herself. I do tend to then end up feeling for the poor chap who ends up feeling likely used for their baby making then dropped once the tough years are over.

We need to normalise masterbation, you say he has a higher sex drive than you and so is looking after his own needs as opposed to having an affair. It does not mean he does not want sex with you but knows it is better to look after himself than bug you for sex when you are asleep.

I am far from tolerant of toxic masculinity and generally have zero interest in “But what about the poor downtrodden menz?????” discourse, but I agree.

I’m constantly amazed at how many people on this site just seem to think men, men’s bodies and anything connected with male sexuality is gross, disgusting, unhygienic etc. I kind of wonder if more married women are secretly either gay or asexual than we think, because it amazes me how many posters basically say there is nothing they find non-repulsive about the male body and its sexual function.

If I heard a bunch of men talking about women’s bodies like that I’d think they were the worst kind of misogynistic, repressed, showing-off-to-their-mates dickheads.

Tell him, then.

This wouldn’t bother me. But a) I’m not someone who really minds being woken up occasionally, by anything and b) my partner knows I wouldn’t mind him having a wank. Also I’ve done it myself in bed when he’s been asleep.

If it bothers you, you need to have a conversation about it. It’s absolutely fine for you to request that boundary, but it does require a conversation. I would also have that conversation in a way that made it clear that you aren’t repulsed by the fact that he wanks - if my partner told me that me masturbating at all was gross and disgusting, I’d be rethinking our relationship. But if he said “look, I feel a bit awkward about it and it wakes me up, so maybe it could be a more private thing?” I would obviously not mind and respect his boundary.

I don’t feel it’s as simple as “he’s a disgusting pig and he needs to do it in the bathroom with the door locked and only with his eyes closed while thinking of you and he must ejaculate into a sterile tissue and flush it immediately lest he contaminate the sanctity of the marital home with his repellent man-poison’, which seems to be how quite a lot of Mumsnetters feel about men masturbating.

There has to be something to it.

The only part that would annoy me would be the waking me up if it then didn’t lead to sex or watching porn in bed next to me.

If you want a porny wank there’s a big ole 50” tv downstairs knock your out but I don’t need to hear Pamela’s moaning or her chocolate starfish 😂

Low standards???? For not having a problem with self pleasuring in bed? wtf is wrong with people? In the Venn diagram of people who don’t like sex, people who are incredibly inhibited and bad at sex and people having a problem with wanking next you someone else, it would be a perfect crossover

Literacy is such a challenge on this site.
She doesn't want to be woken from her sleep by him wanking.
What is so difficult to understand?

Basic courtesy should prevent him from doing something that will wake her.

Let him do it to his hearts content in the loo, but NOT beside her in bed where it will disturb her sleep.

Dont be silly, nobody has said that

100% agree with this as I said above the OP isn’t comfortable so she need to speak with her DH.

I’m genuinely quite baffled by this thread. I really believe that a lot of this “it’s grim, it’s disgusting” chat is pure misandry and nothing else.

If a man posted and said his wife was doing this without his consent he’d be roundly called a controlling arsehole.

I do not have low standards- I just have no issues if my husband fancied a wank in bed. I am partial to a morning wank before I get out of bed so it would be very hypocritical of me to mind my husband doing the same. I would also find it a turn on if I woke up to him wanking as he does with me. Depending on each others mood it can either lead to the other person going back to sleep or some sleepy sexy time which I love.

But the OP does have an issue so she needs to communicate with her husband to what they each are happy with. But it is disingenuous to say it is grim and manky to have a wank and that any woman ok with it has low standards.

Call 999! 🙄

They're not having sex. He's wanking beside his sleeping wife. You have incredibly low standards.

But what is manky? There are bodily fluid when they have sex.

He can just respect his wife and not be a manky prick and piss off and do it somewhere else.

I’m assuming, cleans it up the same way we do after sex, towels or the boxers he just took off. This then gets thrown in the washing basket.

Being in bed is relatively private it, isn't as if he was in the garden with the neighbours watching

Masturbating is not disgusting.

As an aside am I the only one wondering how enthusiastically he was going at it for the bed to shake and wake his dp up?!

Why are the only two options him waking you up in the middle of the night with his boner or him wanking next to you? Like you need to pick lesser from two evils.

Or saying to join him. On the one hand think defence for him is "he thought you were asleep" so wouldn't this indicate that he wants to do it by himself and not want anyone to join him?

People are talking as if the guy will explode without a tommy tanking session. Ridiculous.

I've had that conversation with my husband. He goes downstairs now if I'm already sleeping. Nobody needs the jiggling 😂

Nailed it.