To dislike my husband masturbating in bed?

BRING BACK THE LAUGHING EMOJI MUMSNET!!!

Seriously constrained here. 😂

@CaramelGhost You don't think there is anything wrong with some engaging in sexual activity in the same bed as you, without consent?

This perspective is a bit weird. His sexual activity doesn't involve his partner.

Imagine if someone made a post on mumsnet saying "my wife is playing with herself in our bed. I don't consent to this and I think she should leave our bed to do it."

Consent to wankin next too someone while they sleep, yes

This is a really interesting thread actually - there are two clear camps. @justabigdisco - you’re not going to get any clarity from this, are you because half of us are going ‘what’s the dang problem?’ and the other half are going ‘ditch the disrespectful fucker!’. Neither side right nor wrong, just different views on the subject but I’m now wondering what in life has pushed people in either direction. Is it upbringing or the society/values in which you now live, or an innate instinct? Absolutely fascinating.

My DH just said ‘wait, you masturbate in bed sometimes? Can you wake me up to join in, next time?’ Like no dude, I’m doing it to fall asleep, it’s not a participation sport unless you accidentally wake up 😂

I think if it woke me up, I would say “can I help you finish that?”

Then it's still wrong if he's not got your consent when you are next to him.

If any woman on here posted that her hubby was annoyed she was wanking and woke him up he would get dogs abuse and be told it’s her body, she can do what she wants , he’s controlling blah blah blah.

i wonder if any straight man has ever been annoyed he has been awoken by a masturbating woman? 🤷🏼‍♂️😅

I don’t think it’s gross or disgusting or any of those things… it might be surprising but that would be it.

im surprised many people say wanking is private… that suggests there’s some strange relationships out there

im sure he will love waking you at 3:30am to tell you he’s horny and is going to wank.

This. I have no issue with masturbation on a whole but that’s your own private time. Don’t be doing that next to someone that does not wish to participate, or doesn’t have a choice.

It’s better he’s doing it in bed and not in Waitrose

Personally, I wouldn’t like it. Mostly because i don’t like being woken up. If you’re going to make noise and move the bed enough to wake me, then go and do it somewhere else that doesn’t disturb my sleep.

Pretty low standards when you wouldn’t mind your partner shaking the bed and having a heavy breathing wank whilst you lie there asleep.

YANBU

I once woke up to the same thing, can't remember if it was before or after we got married. I was really uncomfortable about it and made sure he knew that. He's never done that since.

I would never masturbate with someone else in the same room without their consent, it's just grim. Unless it's part of foreplay etc. then it should be in private.

You don't think there is anything wrong with some engaging in sexual activity in the same bed as you, without consent? That aside, you'd be okay with someone shaking your bed and being noisy in your bed, for whatever reason, as you slept? Weird

If I wasn’t in the mood I’d be glad he was sorting himself out. If I was in the mood I’d join in! But then as others have explained this is a very personal thing, and if it bothers you then you need to respectfully communicate that to him.

My partner does this and I do find it pretty grim. I’ve never said anything though and just pretended to be asleep when it’s woken me up.

I do think it’s gross, but he does have a way higher sex drive than me so I leave him to it.

I don’t get why he couldn’t go off and do it in the bathroom or something though.

Yep, this. And there are such things as tissues - and god forbid he might even shower afterwards.

Why do you feel he needs your consent ? Have you never done this yourself ? And if you have did you ask ‘permission’ first. OP has a lower sex drive than her DH, which is fine. Controlling how he addresses that is not.

Me too and then I'd help finish him off 😉

He wasnt blasting porn, or being a sex pest, I think i wouldnt care

But it’s a shared bedroom. It’s a private space when the other person isn’t there.
Except she is there, she’s lying in bed sleeping while he’s wanking next to her.
I’m sorry, but that’s grim.

Not if someone else is in there, no.

Why. Do you think a woman needs her partner’s consent to wank in bed next to her husband too ? I’ve done it many times, as I suspect lots of women here have too, and never felt the need to ask ‘permission’ MN is weird sometimes.

Would you be a little bit offended if your partner made sick faces at the thought of your vaginal secretions? I would be. I'd also think he was a bit of an immature twat.

I wouldn’t have a problem with this at all. If he wants a wank in his own bed, so what. However you do have an issue with it, so I guess you could ask him not to… I do think that’s a bit controlling though.

Next to her in bed. Amazingly disingenuous.