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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dislike my husband masturbating in bed?

364 replies

justabigdisco · 30/08/2025 18:30

I was woken last night by the bed shaking and my husband heavy breathing. I asked him WTF he was doing and he said ‘just trying to get comfy in bed’ however it was clear he was wanking next to me while I slept. There have been other episodes where I’ve been woken up and thought ‘is he…?’ but never been sure until last night.

I haven’t said anything to him yet but have been thinking about it all day. He has a higher sex drive than me and I know this frustrates him, but AIBU to find it a bit gross and disrespectful?

OP posts:
MemorableTrenchcoat · 30/08/2025 19:56

CallieOMally · 30/08/2025 19:53

The person who can’t spell the word presence?

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The very same. You’ll be getting a long prison sentcence.

amispeakingintongues · 30/08/2025 19:56

I’d personally be disgusted. I’m surprised not even would be tbh but judging by this thead many think its acceptable… but it feels creepy AF to me. Wank away but do it in private, otherwise it feels like a violation to me. Like how do you know he’s not aiming himself at you ?!! Ew

Belladog1 · 30/08/2025 19:55

localnotail · 30/08/2025 19:36

In my mind wanking is like using toilet - should really be done in private. It creates all kind of thoughts and feelings that are not helpful in a relationship. I bet he would not like waking up seeing you having a wank.

I'm sure most men would love to wake up to their wives having a cheeky play!

BettysRoasties · 30/08/2025 19:54

CallieOMally · 30/08/2025 19:53

The person who can’t spell the word presence?

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Off to the cells with you.

Car Chase Police GIF
heroinechic · 30/08/2025 19:54

I wouldn’t be happy about this at all! I don’t give a shit about DH wanking, I don’t give a shit about what he watches when he wanks, but I don’t want him wanking next to me while I sleep. It’s a private act unless it’s part of a consensual sexual encounter.

Irisilume · 30/08/2025 19:54

I would be annoyed by this because I would take it as him making a point out of "having" to wank instead of getting sex and making sure you knew it. Surely he could have been more discreet about it? It wouldn't sit right with me.

JLou08 · 30/08/2025 19:54

That's vile. It would put me off wanting to have sex again. He could go to the bathroom if he needed to do it so much.

CallieOMally · 30/08/2025 19:53

MemorableTrenchcoat · 30/08/2025 19:52

According to @Hygbridghhh, you’re also committing sexual assault.

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The person who can’t spell the word presence?

BettysRoasties · 30/08/2025 19:53

Hygbridghhh · 30/08/2025 19:51

Because of this. It's not about liking sex or not

Rightandwrong · Today 19:49

As I understand it if OP's H hasnt asked for her consent to masturbate in her prescence then this is technically sexual assault.

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Best go round up all the women who have quietly rubbed one out while their husband sleeps then.

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 30/08/2025 19:52

Argh!! I am the partner with the higher sex drive. Otherwise that makes no sense. Ffs

CynicalRaven · 30/08/2025 19:52

Twizzletoe · 30/08/2025 18:31

Why shouldn’t he be comfortable?

Why should she be woken up and made to feel uncomfortable in bed, it’s her bed too.

Poppins21 · 30/08/2025 19:52

I have done this if I can’t sleep and so has my DH. If he woke me up doing it- I would watch or offer a flash of boobies. We have both have a high sex drive so any opportunity really. I think knocking one out really is the best way to get to sleep. But if it makes you uncomfortable you should speak to him.

CallieOMally · 30/08/2025 19:52

localnotail · 30/08/2025 19:36

In my mind wanking is like using toilet - should really be done in private. It creates all kind of thoughts and feelings that are not helpful in a relationship. I bet he would not like waking up seeing you having a wank.

…what?

MemorableTrenchcoat · 30/08/2025 19:52

CallieOMally · 30/08/2025 19:51

…do none of you do this? Really? I do this quite a lot when I can’t sleep 😕 no idea whether it bothers my husband or not.

According to @Hygbridghhh, you’re also committing sexual assault.

Hygbridghhh · 30/08/2025 19:51

BettysRoasties · 30/08/2025 19:47

Because clearly only a man could like sex or wanking.

🥱

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Because of this. It's not about liking sex or not

Rightandwrong · Today 19:49

As I understand it if OP's H hasnt asked for her consent to masturbate in her prescence then this is technically sexual assault.

CallieOMally · 30/08/2025 19:51

…do none of you do this? Really? I do this quite a lot when I can’t sleep 😕 no idea whether it bothers my husband or not.

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 30/08/2025 19:50

Sounds like you need separate bedrooms.

I am the partner with the lower sex drive in our marriage and one thing that led to us sleeping separately (as we now do) was that DH would not only not have sex with me, he wouldn't let me have an orgasm by myself either. In his case, I would warn him I was "going to bed early" and he'd dash up the stairs after about 10 mins and stumble into the bedroom, sometimes switching the lights on too.

I personally found it very controlling. Sexual appetites are natural and healthy. Sending someone to the bathroom (cold) in the middle of the night is nasty.

Either accept he will sometimes have a quiet wank or suggest sleeping separately.

Rightandwrong · 30/08/2025 19:49

As I understand it if OP's H hasnt asked for her consent to masturbate in her prescence then this is technically sexual assault.

Shellyash · 30/08/2025 19:48

MumWifeOther · 30/08/2025 19:46

It’s a no from me.

And I'm out..

Delphinium20 · 30/08/2025 19:47

I had a boyfriend do this and it gave me the ick. We didn’t last long after that.

BettysRoasties · 30/08/2025 19:47

MemorableTrenchcoat · 30/08/2025 19:46

What on earth makes you say that?

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Because clearly only a man could like sex or wanking.

🥱

MumWifeOther · 30/08/2025 19:46

It’s a no from me.

Shellyash · 30/08/2025 19:46

Whatado · 30/08/2025 18:34

I would have no issue with it at all. We have kids so I wouldn't want him doing it in the shared areas of the house in case they wandered in and I dont particularly want to do it in the en suite so I dont expect him to.

Besides Im asleep and if I wake up its nothing I haven't seen before and no I don't find masterbation gross or disrespectful.

Cheap

MemorableTrenchcoat · 30/08/2025 19:46

Hygbridghhh · 30/08/2025 19:44

I think there are a few men on this thread, that have not had a successful relationship with a woman @BettysRoasties @MemorableTrenchcoat

What on earth makes you say that?

BettysRoasties · 30/08/2025 19:45

Hygbridghhh · 30/08/2025 19:44

I think there are a few men on this thread, that have not had a successful relationship with a woman @BettysRoasties @MemorableTrenchcoat

Best let the world know I birthed three children though my penis 😂😂

Genuine first man giving birth world record here I come.

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